THIRD BASE OR BUST

I'm Not Saying Anything Except for What I'm Saying

2012-02-10T09:41:00.003-05:00

According to this morning's newspaper, Yankees hats are everywhere , including at Kim Jong Il's funeral.

And here.

AND HERE:

Tom Brady, hahahaha.

Derek Jeter Has Eli Manning's Phone Number

2012-02-01T13:13:00.005-05:00

ESPN currently has an article about Derek Jeter and Eli Manning on its home page. In it, we learn that Jeter called Eli during Eli's rookie season, that Jeter is one of Eli's role models, and that Justin Tuck thinks that Eli is "more Jeter than he is Peyton."

If the internet can hold an unlimited number of images, why doesn't it have any photos of Derek Jeter talking on a cell phone? On a regular phone? Texting? Does Derek Jeter have an iPhone? The internet doesn't know.

So, what you get instead are photos of Derek Jeter sitting next to a closed laptop and Eli Manning going online to check himself out. Could Eli be doing that on his iPhone? The internet doesn't know. But it will tell you the answers to "How many playoff wins does Eli Manning have?" and "Why does Eli Manning have Down Syndrome?"

Information. It's non-stop and everywhere.

I'm having a great time imagining the way Derek and Eli's conversation looked and sounded. If you see me during the Super Bowl, I'll do a reenactment for you.

It's Okay to Talk About Football This Week

2012-01-31T11:37:00.002-05:00

I've been resisting the urge to turn this into an off-season football blog for a while now, but it's Super Bowl Week. The Giants are playing the Patriots. In Peyton Manning's house! I'm so excited.

Here's a photo of Tom Brady telling the world about his feelings:

"It's just that...it's just....I mean, can't we all just get along?"

Why do they make them wear their uniforms to media day? I have a lot of shirts to tie-dye before Sunday.

Go Ahead, Take One More Year in Philadelphia, Cole.

2012-01-18T17:04:00.003-05:00

I was proud and not at all surprised to learn today that "Cole Hamels" was my #3 most Googled phrase of 2011. I was confused and very surprised to see that "Doug Fister" was the only other professional athlete to crack the top ten. After all of my seeking, the only thing I know about him is that he's not bad looking.

Eh. Then again, what else is there to know about a person, really?

Anyway, there is actual Cole Hamels news on the internet. Something about how he's getting $15 million dollars to stay in Philadelphia next year. I don't know. I'm mostly only paying attention to stories about Cole Hamels becoming a Yankee is 2013. Just like I'm mostly only paying attention to stories about Peyton Manning becoming a Jet is 2012. Now wouldn't that be a holy square of sports superstars?

Derek Jeter. Cole Hamels. Eli Manning. Peyton Manning. I'd wear nothing but sports jerseys for the rest of my life!

Baseball Manning

2012-01-11T20:53:00.002-05:00

I was overjoyed to find this photo on my favorite website this afternoon:

In case you can't tell which Manning that is (I wasn't able to say with certainty before reading the title of the jpeg), it's Eli.

Wearing Green Bay colors? He's going to TEAR THEM TO SHREDS this weekend. Go Eli!!!

Derek Jeter Living in and Against Time: 2012 Has Begun

2012-01-02T14:18:00.004-05:00

One year ended and another one began. The beginning of a new year means that more time has passed, that more time is coming and that the time that is coming will pass. Time just keeps happening! And as time happens, it changes us. You get where I'm going with this? Time is happening and Derek Jeter is getting older. The New York Post reports that he was in Paris with ex-girlfriend Minka Kelly this weekend. Wearing a black hooded jacket, no less. We're all getting older. Time is happening to everyone.

If W.G. Sebald wrote a book about Derek Jeter living in and against time, it would probably include these two photographs with no captions:

The New York Post article claims that Derek and Minka "were spotted Thursday walking through the Musée d'Orsay art museum," which is a detail that W.G. Sebald most certainly would have included in his hypothetical book about Derek Jeter living in and against time. After describing them strolling around the galleries, he would have talked about the particular sadness that emanates from different not-particularly-sad-looking paintings from the collection. Although he doesn't (yet) have his own museum, there's a lot of art about Derek Jeter that can be seen on the internet. Here's a selection:

via 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Art is one way to try and stop time. But really, nothing stops time! Just as that would be the inevitable conclusion of W.G. Sebald's book, so is it the conclusion of this blog post. Nothing stops time.

Don't be scared, though. It's just normal.

Belatedly

2011-12-28T23:39:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, Cole Hamels turned 28. I had no idea! I'm too tired to post an appropriately apologetic photograph. I did enter it into my phone so that this will never happen again.

Did you know that Cole likes to read fantasy novels in his free time? Yeah...don't we all.

Happy Birthday, Cole. Let's have another nice year of Fantasy Baseball together in 2012.

POST-SCRIPT: I FOUND A PHOTO.

HOW SEASONAL.

Why Casey, WHY?

2011-12-21T14:36:00.005-05:00

WHY DID CASEY BLAKE SIGN WITH THE ROCKIES?

I DO NOT LIKE COLORADO.

I DO NOT THEIR UNIFORMS.

These are pictures of Casey Blake on Dodger's 70's night and a magical mountain.

I will now resume daydreaming about Cole Hamels in a Yankee hat.

Photos of Matt Kemp; My Plan to Buy the Dodgers (with Your Money)

2011-12-17T14:45:00.003-05:00

Instead of dwelling on my mixed-because-they-were-never-positive-but-I-still-don't-want-him-to-have-taken-performance-enhancing-drugs-because-that's-not-good-for-baseball feelings about NL MVP Ryan Braun, let's just look at nice photos of Matt "he-really-should-have-won-that-MVP-award" Kemp. I don't know why I hyphenated his nickname.

Matt Kemp's mom must be really proud of him. I wonder what he bought her for Christmas.

I've never seen these Casey Blake t-shirts before! I cannot believe that something Casey Blake-related happened on the internet and I MISSED IT.

The Dodgers are my second favorite baseball team. Someday, I'm going to go to Chavez Ravine (with John Chavez) and get Casey Blake's autograph. I hope he doesn't retire before then.

John and I were talking about making a Kickstarter page to buy the Dodgers, but we had a hard time coming up with worthwhile rewards. Give us $250,000.00 and we'll make you a print out of this blog. And gild the edges. Okay no, give us $500,000.00 and we'll make a golden-edged print-out of this blog with your name substituted for every other occurrence of the words "Derek Jeter." Give us $50 million dollars and we'll name some seats after you and FedEx you a bag of frozen Dodger Dogs.

Buns included!

How Things Make Me Feel

2011-12-10T19:38:00.001-05:00

This depresses me:

But this scares [the shit out of] me:

Those are two things that I feel.

I'm Going to Talk About Cole Hamels Even More Next Year...Get Ready

2011-12-08T08:52:00.002-05:00

Cole Hamels, thank you for being a good person. Thank you for having a Twitter account.

I...I...I just love you. Please be a Yankee next year.

MIAMI

2011-12-04T22:44:00.004-05:00

December 4, 2011

Dear Kei,

I am very excited about the prospect of becoming a Miami Marlins fan this baseball season. I think that you, Mordecai, Mitsu and I should begin our baseball pilgrimage in Chicago and drive to New York with detours to Detroit and Philadelphia. Then, you can leave your car in Long Island and we'll fly to Miami. It only takes a few hours and we can probably bribe a stewardess to let Mitsu fly in coach class.

We might as well pick up David Wright on the way.

Let's petition Jeff Loria to let all of us run in the mascot race.

Sincerely,
Jenni

Thank You Baseball

2011-11-25T22:05:00.004-05:00

For good times, great times, bad times, all times...thank you, Derek Jeter and thank you, Yankees and thank you, baseball.

Does DJ spend Thanksgiving in Florida?

I Love Matt Kemp, But This Might Be Too Much

2011-11-19T21:15:00.005-05:00

Matt Kemp is in a class of his own when it comes to defining baseball celebrity. Is there any other actually glamorous Major Leaguer? But this photo goes too far. You're announcing a new deal with the Dodgers, not accepting an Oscar!

Okay fine, I'd probably really like this picture if it had been taken from a different angle. Because this...I have no problems with this.

SMILE, YOU'RE FAMOUS. Congratulations!

Extreme Feelings

2011-11-11T20:04:00.007-05:00

The Phillies came to some sort of agreement with former Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon tonight, instantly making themselves the team that encapsulates the widest range of my baseball feelings. A photo essay follows.

The above photo is the #2 Google image result for "Cole Hamels ugly."
The first result had a watermark and therefore does not fit into the aesthetic landscape of this blog.

I'm not sure I believe that that's really Jonathan Papelbon. I mean, why would it and how could it be? Why and how? But, also, why not?

Bye George

2011-11-09T23:55:00.005-05:00

I read in the New York Times that Jorge Posada believes that there is "not even a percentage of chance" that he'll be back with the Yankees next year. No numerical representation of the likelihood of him retiring from baseball was given. Regardless, this is some sort of goodbye.

1996: Young Jorge and Jeter with a shiny, unevenly spaced sign.

Listening to team mates admit to using
performance-enhancing drugs: Andy and A-Rod editions

Wow, they'll never win another World Series together.
This is sad.

Growing old

Old in sports is not even that old.

DJ3K: A Celebration

Derek Jeter's going to be so lonely. Goodbye George.

Baseball Life After Baseball

2011-10-31T22:26:00.005-04:00

Now that we're one football Sunday past the baseball season, it's time to accept that baseball is over and that winter is here. Tony LaRussa made a very grandiose acceptance gesture by retiring from managing forever. A beautiful team of Budweiser Clydesdales escorted him into eternal peace.

Just kidding...he's still alive! Doesn't Lance Berkman look like the ultimate Casual Dad?

In other news, Robbie Cano and some other MLB All-Stars flew to Taiwan this week.

According to his Twitter, he's having a great time.

I have NO IDEA what this photo is! Asia is wild!

Congratulations, Birdies

2011-10-29T01:11:00.004-04:00

Congratulations St. Louis! Your team won its 11th World Series championship. If only you'd waited until 11-11-11. I hate it when baseball is over!

There were a lot of babies on the World Series podium this year, which felt new. Should we blame/credit Drew Brees? Lance Berkman got to carry the trophy because, despite having four daughters, he was childless through the awards ceremony. Babies are taking over the world and it scares me.

Most World Series championships are bittersweet-- they mean that baseball's over for the year and that we have to do other things, like play Fantasy Football and read books. Thanks very much for another memorable year, baseball. I love you. Thank you. Goodnight.

Cold as Ice Redux

2011-10-28T16:43:00.004-04:00

I can't afford to hold grudges against teams who beat teams that aren't the Yankees, which is why I still hate Texas but I don't hate the Cardinals.

Before Game 7 starts, let's look at more photos of David Freese:

Well-defined eye lashes make people look famous.

You may think this is a Target ad, but it's not!

To reinforce the notion of Freese as wholesome,
here's a photo of him handing out a turkey. On Thanksgiving? Unclear.

I googled "David Freese little league" because
what would be more wholesome than helping children?
This photo is so small that I can't tell if it's
really him, but I think it's okay to assume that it is.

It's okay to have a DUI when you're still a teenager, right?
I mean, it would be unwholesome to not go through
a phase of generic teenage rebellion, right?
This is still pretty cute, as far as mugshots go.

Man, I still kind of hate the Cardinals when I think about how we could be watching Cole Hamels pitch game 7 of the World Series tonight. It's also difficult to argue that bare-bones "I'm just watching this game because I like sports drama" fan should root for the team who's won the championship more times than any other club besides the Yankees over the team who's won no championships since their inception 50 years ago. (There are A LOT of "Texas Ranger" wikipedias, but this is the one that's relevant to baseball.)

As I implied in the opening paragraph, I'm not that kind of fan, so those rules don't apply to me. It's not spiritually healthy just to root against one team based on irrational grudges, though, so I'll be transforming those negative feelings into something positive by rooting for the Cardinals tonight.

World Series Game 6: DAVID FREESE IS COLD AS ICE.

2011-10-28T00:57:00.007-04:00

In their must-win home game, the Cardinals trailed the Rangers by two runs in the bottom of the ninth inning. Down to his last strike with two men on base, David Freese, the hometown boy who had let a routine fly ball fall out of his mitt earlier in the game, hit a triple to tie the game.

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE:
Top: Happy Tony LaRussa vs.
Bottom: Bummed Ron Washington

Texas promptly reclaimed the lead in the 10th inning with Josh Hamilton's first home run of the post-season, but Berkman-- down to his last strike-- tied the game again during the bottom of the inning. His beard is different colors! He's only 35.

Albert Pujols usually points up at God when something good happens,
but Lance Berkman probably deserved it this time.

Texas didn't score in the 11th inning. At this point, despite believing all game that I was watching the end of the 2011 baseball season, I had a feeling that St. Louis would pull this one off. They mercifully decided not to give C.J. Wilson a chance to enter the game and continue his season of monumental losses, and instead, David Freese hit a walk-off home run off of scrub pitcher Mark Lowe.

He was promptly mauled at home plate, where his jersey was ripped to shreds. It was a truly shocking celebration.

Savagery aside, is there anything that would feel better than hitting a walk-off home run in extra innings of Game 6 of the World Series in your hometown? Congratulations, David Freese. YOU'RE A STAR. Also, Marti said you were cute.

On that note, here are some festive photos of St. Albert making the world a better place:

Everyone celebrate! We've got a Game 7!

Lance Berkman Looks Better Old

2011-10-24T00:33:00.006-04:00

So what if I deliberately chose an unflattering young photo? Lance Berkman looks better old.

As much as I like the gray, I'd also enjoy seeing Big Puma in a Just For Men commercial this winter. "Your beard is weird."

Things I Realized While Watching the World Series

2011-10-20T14:05:00.004-04:00

I realized some things while I was watching the first game of the World Series last night. For example, I realized that I love Michael Young because Michael Young is the Derek Jeter of Texas, and that Chris Carpenter doesn't have to fully button his jersey because he's the only good pitcher left in all of baseball. Most notably, though, I realized that my friend Sam Hockley-Smith plays for the St. Louis Cardinals:

You may know Sam from his day job where, like Clark Kent, he wears glasses and writes about stuff:

Sam, is Albert Pujols really a robot? Also, are you going to win the World Series?

Goodbye Tigers (by Jenni)*

2011-10-17T12:36:00.006-04:00

I rationally know that I have no impact on the outcomes of Major League baseball games (this despite the emotional toll that Major League baseball outcomes regularly extract from me). That said, I can’t help but feel that some force in the universe has been punishing me for my postseason choices. I wanted the Yankees to win and they didn’t. I wanted the Phillies to win and they didn’t. I wanted the Diamondbacks to lose and they did, but that can be irrefutably attributed to the fact that they persist in wearing those awful uniforms and had nothing to do with me. I wanted the Tigers to win and they didn’t. I wanted the Brewers to win and…guess what…THEY LOST.

I watched Game 5 of the Tigers-Rangers series on our home television. To give you an idea of how old this television is, let me state that it belonged to Phil before he got the flat screen television that he eventually replaced with his current flat screen 3-D television. So, it’s old and our service is bad. Watching sports at my house can be an ordeal. Someone hits a baseball and its trajectory through the ballpark is abruptly replaced by a blue screen. Eli Manning throws a pass and the interception gets all pixelated. ( I hate it when I don’t get a clear view of his “OH MAN” face.) Watching sports at my house can also be surreal, especially during slow motion replays, highlight montages and other times when your brain isn’t trying to process information in real-time. Check out these images of FOX’s post-game programming:

Miguel Cabrera's interview...the bottom image reminds me of ninth-grade English class.

Justin Verlander reacting to Nelson Cruz's home run (1 + 2), then performing a victory dance (3).

The Tigers hit a single, a double, a triple and a home run in order in the sixth inning. The Detroit radio announcers referred to this as a "natural cycle." Amazing, right? I was rooting for this team and now they're gone. It doesn't matter if you can hit for a natural cycle. The universe will still make you lose to the Texas Rangers and no one will understand why.

Bye Tigers.**

*I hope that Kei will write a second Tigers post, which is why I'm signing this one as Jenni.
**I got this reprimand via text message last night:

Dont be a bitter baseball fan that likes the Yankees! It's unbecoming

A correction in attitude and related blog post is in the works. While we're still being real, though, I HATE the Rangers and...for reasons I don't understand...I HATE the Cardinals too.

Some Thoughts on the Detroit Tigers

2011-10-11T17:51:00.004-04:00

Jenni has requested that I write about the Detroit Tigers here. I am grateful for the opportunity to articulate my thoughts about this postseason, because they are all over the place! I can't recount what happened in the ALCS Game 1 except that it involved a rain delay and the Tiger's Justin "MustSeeTV" Verlander was defeated by the Texas Ranger's C.J. "str8edgeracer" Wilson. You'll mostly get my feelings for the Tigers' endeavors so far, a little bit of recapping Game 2, and some other random, likely irrelevant, notes. A follow-up post to this one may or may not be called for.

I was greatly pleased to see the Tigers clinch the AL Central division, and I was even more pleased to see the regular season end with Miguel Cabrera as the league's batting champ with an average of .344. I was sorry that the (my) Tigers eliminated the (Jenni's) Yankees, but the Tigers did it, and by "it" I mean "narrowly get by." I don't feel like looking up numbers but I get the impression that the Tigers are not producing offensively this postseason. Whereas I distinctly remember people talking (tweeting) about Robinson Cano's threat to every Tigers pitcher, and a game where the Yankees scored 9 runs against the Tigers. Moreover, most of my Twitter feed seems filled with pitching information, like how Justin Verlander probably angered a weather god (a.k.a. Tom Skilling) or the difference between Jose Valverde's ERA in save and non-save situations (something like well under 1 and just under 7, respectively). Also in my feed: constant concern about Tigers injuries, like Magglio Ordonez's broken ankle and Delmon Young's tore up leg or whatever, which prevents him from throwing more than hitting. So, as much as I am rooting for a Tigers vs. Brewers World Series in which the Tigers silence the pest that is Nyjer Morgan*, rest Ryan Braun's bush baby eyes**, and end Prince Fielder's tenure as a Brewer***, I am cautiously optimistic about Detroit's postseason.

I have a hard time watching the Tigers in the postseason live, or listening to the game on the radio, or even checking Twitter while the game is on. It makes me so anxious. Until I see radio announcer Dan Dickerson's fusillade of post-game tweets, I feel like I will upset energy fields and ruin the game for Detroit (someone has written about this topic in the philosophy of physics; I'll get back to you about that when I figure out what quantum mechanics is, which is never). But I am slowly getting over this. I sat on the couch after coming home from an undramatic wisdom tooth extraction and turned the TV on. It had been left on FOX, so the ALCS Game 2 was on and the game was tied at 3-3. I resisted the urge to change the channel to food-related networks and decided to watch the game. The Rangers had established 2 runs from some doubles by Josh Hamilton and Adrian Beltre off of Max Scherzer, and then Ryan Raburn had hit a 3-run homer off of starter Derek Holland. Then Nelson Cruz homered, off of I think Maxwell, and by the time I turned the TV on, Joaquin Benoit and the remains of his boil from the Yankees series was pitching.

Here are some things that happened before I turned the TV on:

Ryan Raburn brings V-Mart and Miggy home. I concur with the guy who yelled "HEY CABRERA NICE HAIRCUT" during the Yankees series.

Leyland looks like he's being bullied but refusing to succumb. I think there was a question as to whether V-Mart had been hit by a pitch or if he hit the ball?

Miggy slid home on this questionable play, but I think he was sent back to third as the at-bat was ruled a HBP. Derek Holland looks like an overgrown junior high school kid who could probably be a little more into things.

Here is what I did observe on TV:

V-Mart had a chance to bring the speedy Ramon Santiago home from third to untie the game, but Elvis Andrus barely made this catch. He said it spun weird.

Nelson Cruz was hit by a Jose Valverde pitch. He was hit in the wrist, then chest. I was wondering if he had a collapsed lung. They might want to do chest x-rays just to be sure! (But don't let a bogus nurse read it and send you home with extra-strength Tylenol and instructions to relax and take a bath, only to be called back to the hospital to get a chest tube inserted for a collapsed lung.)

At some point, this happened. Andy Dirks misread the ball and did not catch it. I saw him looking into his glove, like "Is it there?" No, it's on the ground behind you. The ball appears to have hit Austin Jackson's leg, so it didn't get behind them, which prevented a game-winning run. Maybe reliever Ryan Perry would have even preferred that kind of loss, because this loaded the bases for...

Bruised Nelson Cruz, who hit the grand slam to end the game 7-3. I think this is the best way to head to home plate after a walk-off grand slam, the first in your team's postseason history. I know a lot of people like small and smart ball, but I like big AL ball. This is my kind of win, but for the WRONG TEAM.

One thing I have a hard time understanding is how pitchers tolerate or manage the pressure they can be under, particularly the relievers. What did Ryan Perry do on his flight back to Detroit? In a postgame interview, Andy Dirks seemed to take some of the responsibility of the loss by putting Perry in a crappy spot. What did Dirks do on the plane home? Did they both wear dunce caps and sit in the last row of the plane and serve everyone on board?

These are some of the things I saw, but for which I unfortunately cannot provide photographic evidence:

-Nolan Ryan's rolling side eyes as he applauds Elvis Andrus' shaky catch, which FOX showed a total of three times and I saw on ESPN at least once later that night
-Terry Francona replacing Tim McCarver as a FOX commentator, sitting real close to Joe Buck with his arm around Buck's seat
-Josh Hamilton's reddish beard, which creeped me out a bit.

I don't really have anything against the Rangers; I even kind of like them. I like that Nolan Ryan watches the game from the park; I like Ron Washington's face; I like the Dallas-Forth Worth area largely because of Host of Hosts Dr. Teddy; Jorge Cantu was a Ranger briefly last year; I wanted them to win last year because I abhor Brian Wilson...and there must be other random reasons. But I do not like Josh Hamilton's undeserved 2010 MVP title; I am getting sick of C.J. Wilson's tweets though he seems like a genuinely nice and thoughtful guy (and he is easy on the eyes); I get Elvis Andrus and Nelson Cruz confused all the time; I don't like to see red in the postseason; and I don't like to see the same teams year after year in the postseason. So, in my eyes, Detroit must destroy the Rangers and move on to mow down the National League team. I realize the AL teams always get home field advantage from the All-Star games, so it's nice that the NL is finally getting their chance, but I'm tired of it already. The underdog doesn't get much love from me. But more than anything, I want Miguel Cabrera's talent to be fully realized and recognized by everyone, I want Little V-Mart to rejoice, and I want to see Jim Leyland cry.

---

*I kind of liked Morgan because I had him on fantasy teams, but my loyalties immediately crystallized into the other direction when he was involved in a brawl with some Marlins players towards the end of the 2010 season. Now, this may seem to be the case because I am 1 of what, 14? Marlins fans, but the more specific reason is because he seemed to anger Marlins first baseman Gaby Sanchez. In defense of human skyscraping pitcher Chris Volstad, Gaby came from nowhere and CLOTHESLINED Morgan. My intuitions, entirely based on Twitter†, tell me that Mr. Sanchez is a gentleman, so to incur his wrath, I imagine one must have done something quite egregious.

†My evidence: (1) He asked for pet picture tweets last year during the off-season, and he replied diligently to every one. I tweeted a picture of a young Mitsu, to which he replied "He is very cute!" or something like that. (2) He even responds to Logan Morrison's stupid and sarcastic tweets. Regarding a photo contest for free Marlins tickets held by Gaby and his wife, LoMo tweeted with playful sarcasm, "Can I enter your contest?!" Gaby responded sincerely (it seemed to me), "Sure, of course." (3) Gaby and his wife seem to hang out with another Marlin gentleman, Mike Stanton despite a six year age difference.

**I don't dislike Ryan Braun but those eyes are worse than Emma Pillsbury's. One reason why I don't dislike him is because he did not express bitterness at Jose Reyes' decision to leave a game to maintain his leading batting average. I like to believe that Braun has this right: the Brewers are in the postseason, whereas the Mets are drenched with bad karma, luck, everything, and that is a permanent state of things. Also, Mets fans booed Reyes for his decision. Braun doesn't need to stir that already messed-up pot.

***My baseball holiday wish is that White Sox GM Ken Williams will pull one of those "What the..." moves on the baseball industry by somehow dumping Adam Didn't-Dunn-Did-It and picking up Prince Fielder.

Some Things are Over, Some Other Things aren't Over

2011-10-09T20:37:00.003-04:00

I can't keep up with facts-- I've sunk into an inescapable bog of sorrow and confusion and I'm not coming out until next April.

Because didn't this year of milestone accomplishments and improbable comebacks necessitate a 28th World Series championship? Shouldn't the forces behind the Red Sox collapse have compelled the Yankees to victory, in a seesaw of karmic momentum?

Okay, it's not that they didn't win. Every year, every team minus one doesn't win. The not winning doesn't take away the 162 game days you got to spend with your team and the not winning doesn't prevent the cyclical reintroduction of your team into your life next spring. Maybe not exactly the same team as the year before, but close enough.

So, Jorge Posada probably isn't going to come back. He was never my favorite Yankee. It was admittedly very sad to watch him standing alone on the top step of the dugout, deprived of that final ninth-inning at-bat, staring off into the field as his silent teammates filed past him, but it'll be okay. He'll find another team and become a crotchety fixture on their bench. Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera will look even older and more out of place. Derek Jeter and Mariano will stand alone in the dugout after A-Rod's sixth and seventh consecutive season-ending strikeouts and wonder what they'll be doing next April. Those things will happen and still the close-enough Yankees won't end.

At least they didn't have it as bad as the Phillies, who had to watch Ryan Howard lie in the dirt as the Cardinals amassed on their infield, tearing off their jerseys and chanting "Happy Flight."

Baseball isn't over. I've been monitoring every game. I'm rooting for a Brewers-Tigers World Series. And after that happens, baseball will be over for a while, but not forever. Not for very long, even, when you think about it. Maybe I'll finish my "Derek Jeter in Trenton" essay and start my Cole Hamels video masterpiece in the meantime.

ALDS Game 4; NLDS Game 3

2011-10-05T00:02:00.008-04:00

ALDS Game 4: Texas 4, Tampa Bay 3
Texas wins the series 3-1
W: Matt Harrison (1-0), L: Jeremy Hellickson (0-1)
S: Feliz (3)
HR: TEX - Adrian Beltre 3 (3), Ian Kinsler (1)

What is that thing and can you blame Yorvit Torrealba for throwing sunflower seeds at it? In case anyone was wondering what Evan Longoria's hair looked like on the last day of the Rays' season, here's a photo:

The color schemes of this year's divisional series opponents have been disorientating in their similarity. The Rangers and Rays wore blue today. The Yankees and Tigers wore gray and white uniforms with navy and black hats. The Phillies and Cardinals wore red. Does it lessen home field advantage when all of the fans are wearing the same color? What about if you're Tampa Bay and you have no home fans, anyway?

ALDS Game 4: Yankees 10, Detroit 1
Series tied at 2
W: A.J. Burnett (1-0), L: Rick Porcello (0-1)
HR: DET - V. Mart (1)

A.J. Burnett kept things scary through five and 2/3 innings, but "pitched beyond any Yankee's fantasy," as John Sterling said.

Curtis Granderson, back on his former home field, made two amazing diving catches. Victor Martinez hit the only home run of the game, off Burnett in the 4th inning. You could feel everyone on the Yankees payroll thinking, "Well, here we go AGAIN," but no meltdown materialized. A.J. Burnett, you're still super ugly, but thank you. You did great.

Question of the week: is V-Mart actually attractive or is it just his swoony batting average?

NLDS Game 3: Phillies 3, St. Louis 2
Philadelphia leads 2-1
W: Cole Hamels (1-0), L: Jaime Garcia (0-1)
S: Madson (1)
HR: PHI - Ben Fransisco (1)

See what I mean? Nothing but red. Cole Hamels pitched six scoreless innings and then took some glamour shots in the dugout.

Not quite as glam as....

Arizona currently leads Milwaukee 8-1 in the 8th inning.

Other Games, Other Teams

2011-10-04T08:56:00.004-04:00

The Rays just lost their third game to the Rangers, making this post outdated. Still, for the sake of historical accuracy, I feel compelled to put it into the world so that I can devote my next post entirely to photos of Cole Hamels. Because they could be the LAST photos of Cole Hamels from this year. (Probably not.)

The Rangers beat the Rays 3-1. Pitches, hits, strikeouts, home runs, etc. I am not going to say anything more about this because I'm scared of karmic retribution. May every other team facing elimination tonight remain uneliminated.

The Brewers are up 2-0 on the Diamondbacks. As I've said, there are very few attractive players on the D'bags and they exist entirely on this blog's blind side. Win a game, okay? Everyone facing elimination remain uneliminated.

The Phillies are playing now, scoreless against the Cardinals in the third inning. Cole Hamels just bunted. The series is tied at 1 game apiece. Cole, I think you can win.

Maybe I'm not supposed to be cheering for Phillies' players anymore. I promise I will give you real baseball information starting tomorrow. In the meantime, here's a collage that the New York Times made about the postseason.

See? Even they put the D'back backwards.

ALDS: Yankees v. Tigers; Games 1-3

2011-10-03T17:33:00.009-04:00

While I was on vacation this weekend, I did a lot of baseball-watching on the hotel television and zero baseball-blogging on this website. There's a lot of things we need to go over.

ALDS Game 1: Tigers 3, Yankees 9
W: Ivan Nova (1-0), L: Doug Fister (0-1)
HR: NYY - Robinson Cano (1), DET - Delmon Young (1)

This game started on Friday evening and concluded on Saturday night around midnight due to a rain delay that deeply angered Yankees radio announcer, John Sterling. According to Sterling, the weather this year has been the worst of any season since he began broadcasting 30 years ago. I just read on his Wikipedia page that he has announced every Yankees game since 1989. That's crazy.

C.C. Sabathia and Justin Verlander gave up one run each before the game was postponed in the middle of the second inning.

Ivan Nova and Doug Fister picked up where they left off on Saturday evening. They're kind of like Sabathia and Verlander's little brothers.

Robinson Cano hit a grand slam in the sixth inning with two outs. I was watching the game in a "tavern" in Manchester, Vermont with some Vermont-y Red Sox fans, some people who were there to watch college football and a drunk girl playing foosball in a Tigers hat. The one other Yankees fan in the bar gave Alex and I a nod as we were leaving. Vermont is a nice state. Why are they Red Sox fans?

Gooooooo Yankeeeeeeees! (Then this happened....)

ALDS Game 2: Detroit 5, Yankees 3
Series tied at 1
W: Max Scherzer (1-0), L: Freddy Garcia (0-1)
HR: DET - M. Cabrera (1), NYY - C. Granderson (1), N. Swisher (1)

ALDS Game 3: Yankees 4, Detroit 5
Detroit leads 2-1
W: Justin Verlander (1-0), L: C.C. Sabathia (0-1)
S: Valverde (1)
HR: DET - D. Young (2)

Justin Verlander, MVP?

The Yankees need to win tonight's game to stay alive, so they're pitching A.J. Burnett. Scary! Maybe they should steal a move from the Red Sox's desperation playbook and call Bruce Chen. What's he doing...golfing?

Un-be-liev-able

2011-09-29T00:53:00.006-04:00

Well...this happened...

Moreover, this happened....

It came down to the last out in the ninth inning. Then, it came down to the bottom of the twelfth inning four minutes later. I feel so happy even though I hate the Rays. I really, really hate the Rays. But...THE RED SOX. I'm speechless.

Some Other Teams Made the Playoffs

2011-09-25T17:23:00.002-04:00

The Brewers, Rangers and Diamondbacks all won their divisions this weekend.

Will the less likeable Upton also join?

Okay, Fine.

2011-09-23T23:11:00.004-04:00

I made a mistake: the Yankees are not above gratuitous celebratory displays.

Also, not immune to ugly championship graphics on their hats and t-shirts. Okay, okay. You won the division. Just please win the World Series, team.

My Third Snoopy Day / The Yankees 8,000th Post Season Berth

2011-09-21T21:31:00.007-04:00

Before we talk about the Yankees, here's a picture of Toronto Blue Jay Ricky Romero wearing a fake beak.

Now, let's get serious. The Yankees clinched a playoff spot this afternoon by winning the first game in their doubleheader against the Tampa Bay Rays. Unlike the unruly Philadelphia Phillies, they celebrated by shaking hands. “We still feel as though we didn’t accomplish anything yet,” said Derek Jeter. DJ, when you do accomplish something, please get nicer looking hats than the Phillies did.

Top: Johnny Damon, Older and Fishier
Bottom: Brett Gardner looks really short.

Yesterday was my favorite day of the baseball calendar: Yankee Snoopy Doll Day! The Yankees beat the Rays 5-0. The Red Sox also lost, so who knows what's going to happen with the American League wild card.

Robinson Cano looks really short.

I made Alex go to the game two hours early, so we got to walk down to the field level seats and watch the Yankee rookies take batting practice.

We also went to Monument Park for the first time, where I took this photo through the protective netting.

As you might know or imagine, Monument Park feels like a cemetery. This solemn, mournful feeling is greatly enhanced by the huge plaque of George Steinbrenner that dominates the entire back wall.

Other parts of the stadium are much more beautiful and life-affirming.

The new 2011 Snoopys wear navy blue t-shirts. Unlike the 2011 Snoopys, they have no collar and have a slightly shorter snout. The 2009 pin-striped Snoopys-- the original Yankee Snoopys, as far as I know-- look noticeably different than their successors, with slimmer heads and defined necks. My 2009 Snoopy has also gotten quite dirty, but I don't think that's a generational trait.

Do not let this picture fool you: there are five Yankee Snoopys in my life. This count includes neither my one Yankee Mickey Mouse doll nor my unaffiliated Snoopy that plays music when you squeeze his chest.

Everyone Knew This Would Happen

2011-09-18T11:08:00.003-04:00

The Phillies won the ~~World Series~~ NL East title last night. They celebrated by putting on Pizza Hut delivery hats and dumping Budweiser tall boys on their coaches, before retreating to their locker room and spraying champagne at each other. Everyone knew this would happen! In unexpected news, Roy Halladay smiled for the first time.

Top: Antonio Bastardo
Middle: Smug Cliff Lee
Bottom: Smiling Roy Halladay

I'm desperately trying not to be eliminated from the championship round of my Dynasty Keeper Fantasy Baseball League, and it looks like everything hinges on Cole Hamels having a good start today. I scoured the Yahoo! Sports MLB photo gallery for evidence of any drunken misbehavior on Cole's part last night, but found nothing. I now feel like I can relate to parents who use Facebook to make sure that their high-school-aged children aren't taking party drugs.

Happily, Cole was serving mixed green salads to his wife and her friends and was nowhere near any cheap champagne, high school drop outs or prescription drug abuse. Whew. And Cole, we both know that you're on my team for LIFE, so just try to do your best today please.

Go Tigers! Hosmer Walk-off. Cycling Pandoval.

2011-09-17T08:45:00.004-04:00

Last night, the Tigers won their division title for the first time since 1987. Congratulations Tigers! Clinching pitcher Doug Fister is on both of my Fantasy teams. He's cute, right? I've been on the fence for months, but I think I'll go ahead and call this one now: he's cute. He's at least as cute as Clayton Kershaw was before he became more horse-y than boy-ish. Doug Fister, may you follow in Clayton's career footsteps without losing your human good looks.

Miggy has a hand tattoo?

Eric Hosmer hit a walk-off double against the White Sox last night. I hope become a great team because I love Eric Hosmer and I love their uniforms.

Pablo Sandoval hit for the cycle two nights ago. Can you believe he hit a triple?

I'm already starting to have baseball separation anxiety. Go away, football. Baseball, don't go!

Mariano 600th Save Photo Diary

2011-09-14T22:16:00.003-04:00

I said I would, so I did.

I'm going to try and take all of the same photos of 602.

600/200/o_o

2011-09-14T01:04:00.006-04:00

I've been waiting for someone to upload a photo or video of Mariano Rivera's 600th save for approximately ten minutes now, but even the Yankees' official March to History: Mariano Rivera website hasn't rolled over from 599 yet. I have to go to bed. Here's my favorite Mariano photo as a placeholder:

While the Yankees cruise to a playoff berth, the less steady Red Sox won their first game in six days, 18-6. Old, old Time Wakefield finally won his 200th game. Sox fans, stop freaking. The Rays aren't going to catch you. I read it on the internet.

In other news, Mr. Met was recently crowned the new Dark Lord of New York City. Will the Yankees sue him for emotional property theft?

He's done bad things in the past:

Photo via, also many other nice photos

There's probably 600 photos of Mo's 600th save online now, but we'll save that for tomorrow. Congratulations, Mariano! Congratulations, Mr. Wakefield! Congratulations, scary baseball mascot!

Time Keeps Happening

2011-09-08T22:46:00.004-04:00

"Like our bodies and like our desires, the machines we have devised are possessed of a heart which is slowly reduced to embers."

We're all getting old. Come back soon, Peyton.

School Days

2011-09-01T11:09:00.003-04:00

It's September. Time for school, sad folk music and playoffs baseball. Here's an amazing trove of Derek Jeter high school yearbook photos.

The internet tells me that Derek Jeter broke up with Minka Kelly because she's become too famous. I think it's probably because he knows that she'll never be in anything better than "Friday Night Lights."

But Derek, they're making a movie!

This is How People Dress in Philadelphia

2011-08-27T11:51:00.003-04:00

Before the hurricane blows away the internet, I'll leave you with these two photos of Cole Hamels modeling at Shane Victorino's fashion charity event. They're a way of saying "Life is funny...in bad ways, but in GOOD ways, too!"

I promise that I'll start blogging about other things next week, even if I have to hand draw my posts and mail them to you via pigeon express.

It's Saturday, so Naturally This is What I'm Doing....

2011-08-20T13:42:00.004-04:00

In 2008, I wasn't really a baseball fan-- I only cared about the Yankees and had yet to manage my first fantasy baseball team. As follows, I may have missed the best moment of Cole Hamels's career: when he received a Camaro for winning the World Series MVP award.

"That's right. I do have a Camaro and I had to be an MVP to get
a better deal than at Jeff D'Ambrosio in Oxford."

Cole, please give us an update on your dead arm. Are you going to start this week or should I do something desperate, like pick up Bartolo Colon?

Peace? Two? Reverse Peace?

2011-08-18T20:57:00.001-04:00

Yup.

Thome 600

2011-08-16T08:41:00.003-04:00

Jim Thome hit his 599th and 600th home run last night. Of the eight players that have hit 600 home runs in their MLB careers, only Thome and A-Rod are still actively playing and only Thome is currently playing with a Major League team. Congratulations, Jim! I hear you're very nice.

This is a Jim Thome Upper Deck Rookie card with a "BUST" trophy on it. I wish I could say that it's related to Third Base or Bust, but alas, we have yet to publish our own series of baseball cards.
I don't get it-- how can a STAR ROOKIE also be BUST? Also, will Manny Ramirez emerge from his hideout on the moon to comment?

Work of Art: Derek Jeter

2011-08-14T12:57:00.004-04:00

C.C. Sabathia and Jorge Posada commissioned a 225-pound sculpture to honor Derek Jeter's 3,000th hit and presented it to him before the Rays-Yankees game on Saturday afternoon. The sculpture was made at a foundry in Greenpoint/Williamsburg. I went there a few years ago to drop off a flat screen television.

Here is a recap of the ceremony from ESPN New York:

After giving his batting gloves and helmet to two executives from the Hall of Fame, Jeter and his family were feted with gifts from the Yankees organization.

"Any time you get recognized by the organization and your teammates it makes you feel good," Jeter said.

First, team president Randy Levine and COO Lonn Trost presented Jeter with a Waterford Crystal vase commemorating his 3,000th hit.

Hal Steinbrenner and his wife, Christina, then gave Jeter and his mother, Dot; father, Charles; and sister, Charlene; rings and pendants honoring the accomplishment.

Finally, Jeter's Yankees teammates presented him with a 225-pound sculpture, which captured Jeter with his helmet held high in the air in a salute to fans. It was commissioned by pitcher CC Sabathia and part-time DH and longtime teammate Jorge Posada.

Posada and Jeter joked about the statue after the ceremony.

"He said, 'Where am I going to put this?,'" Posada said. "I said, 'You've got plenty of room in that house.'"

Big house, empty walls...sounds like DJ could use an art adviser.

Two Bad Things Happened

2011-08-12T23:28:00.007-04:00

Somehow, C.C. Sabathia and Cole Hamels managed to have their worst starts of the season at the same time. I was listening to one on the radio and watching the other on MLB.tv. I'm trying to have a nice, positive attitude about this, since it doesn't help anyone for me to get angry and/or depressed. Positivity-ly, let's also not dwell on what's happening to my Fantasy teams or the fact that I've irresponsibly decided to eat a box of candy right after brushing my teeth. Sometimes, bad things happen and you just have to wait for them to stop happening.

C.C. Sabathia gave up five solo home runs for the first time in his career-- to my least favorite team in baseball. This was a bad thing.

Meanwhile, Cole Hamels had to deal with this:

And this:

He struck Jayson Werth out with the bases loaded. That was a good thing.

But his velocity was down and he kept missing the strike zone. Those are bad things. After the game, he said he was dealing with a "dead arm phase." Cole, I think it's actually called "Mercury Retrograde," because I've got it too and it's not going away until September. If the Red Sox look like they're going to sweep the playoffs by then, I guess we can chalk it up to cosmic insanity.

Something Good Happened

2011-08-12T00:02:00.004-04:00

I monitored the Yankees game at work by watching the numbers change on the Yahoo! Sports Fantasy Baseball StatTracker. Robbie Cano came up with the bases loaded and then a bunch of numbers changed. He'd hit a grand slam! That was a good thing that happened.

With the Yankees ahead of the Angels 6-2, Mariano entered the game in the ninth inning and promptly gave up a 3-run home run (to Russell Branyan, of all people). That was a bad thing that happened, but like I said yesterday, it didn't seem to matter. The Yankees still won and Mo still got a save. Is this just a passing series of bad things happening or is this the beginning of no good things happening? I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Something Bad is Happening + a Phil Collins Video

2011-08-09T22:44:00.005-04:00

I can't watch baseball these days without feeling those old bad sports feelings of defeat, despair and the hopelessness of all and any life against death-inducing time. I don't know why. Things are okay. The Yankees can't beat the Red Sox, but that doesn't really matter. Mariano Rivera has lost two games in the last three days, but that doesn't really matter. Derek Jeter is passing into legend before our eyes, but that doesn't really matter. The Yankees could still win the World Series. They're not the Mets. Things could get worse, but they don't necessarily have to [this year]. And still, things aren't good right now. I just know that things aren't good.

This video doesn't logically relate to the way I feel, but it is still somehow the way that I feel:

It's saying: "I don't understand what's happening. I don't think it's anything good. At one point, things were fine. This is not that time."

Go, Fight, Win: A Photo Essay

2011-08-06T12:09:00.010-04:00

The Phillies and Giants fought last night in San Francisco. You can and should watch the video, here. These photos feel like Norman Rockwell paintings to me:

Here's a trio of closeups on Chase Utley's eyeballs:

Brawler #1, Shane Victorino:

Roy Oswalt grinning:

Cliff Lee looking surprisingly noble:

A Where's Waldo series of Cole Hamels photos:

As you can see, the score was 8-2. What were the Giants trying to accomplish? Are they just mad because the Phillies are going to win the National League championship this year? And finally, where is Roy Halladay?

My Cole Hamels Photo Hobby is Getting Warped

2011-08-02T08:45:00.004-04:00

What am I doing with the many, many photos I take of Cole Hamels on my iPhone? Working on an overly ambitious project that no one else will understand, of course.

KKKKKKKKKKKKKK's for C.C. and Other Fantasy News

2011-07-27T12:25:00.008-04:00

I went to the Mariners-Yankees game last night and watched C.C. Sabathia strike out 14 batters. I also watched the grounds crew roll out their giant silver rain tarp twice.

C.C. was perfect through six. Then, Brendan Ryan singled in the seventh inning. You can see the bizarre mustache he's wearing in his scoreboard mugshot from across the stadium.

I was pretty sure it was a computer generated practical joke until I saw this photograph this morning:

So, the mustache is real hair. That doesn't mean it's not a joke. When I heard Ryan announced in the seventh inning, I yelled "Who is that? He's not even famous!" Did I jinx C.C.'s perfect game? We learned about this during our Greek Tragedy unit in high school. The Yankees still won, so I guess the universe wasn't that offended by my comment.

In other happy news, Doug Fister didn't get shelled. Three runs and five strikeouts in seven innings. He's also not bad looking. All three of these sentences are relevant to my Dynasty Keeper Fantasy Team, which has been clinging to an ever shrinking first place lead for a few weeks now (in points, not attractiveness).

Given the tenuousness of my position, I agreed to a major trade this weekend, sending Elvis Andrus to another Chelsea-based Fantasy Baseball team. I never really wanted Andrus, but got stuck with him when I overestimated his value during our draft. In fact, aside from B.J. Upton and Jonathan Papelbon, I can't think of many players that I like less. Good riddance, Elvis Andrus.

Luckily, I have this guy Derek Jeter at SS. He'll be worth the
$30+ I spent on him for the next ten years, right?

Here's who I got in return:

Aaron Hill from the Blue Jays

Houston Street from the Rockies

Heath Bell from the Padres (for now)

Heath Bell famously lost 25-pounds by playing Wii Fit in the off season. You can read more about that here and here.

People love using the internet to read about other people's hair.

2011-07-18T21:44:00.006-04:00

Eric Hosmer has only been in the big leagues for 74 days, but he's already gone deep into the world of professional sports hairstyles. He reminds me of Ian Kinsler, who made my Top Ten back in 2009. I'm not sure if either Hosmer or Kinsler would make the list now (I'll make one soon, I promise), but I do really like how they both always seem to be in the middle of thinking up mean nicknames for their teammates.

Cole Hamels is back to getting flattened by the Mets and having facial stubble. I wonder if he gets too tired to shave or if he just likes trying new looks.

I don't have any other hair information, so here are two funny photos I found in the Yahoo! MLB Photo Gallery:

Top: Adam Jones, Nice Dive
Bottom: I love seeing things like this.

If these photos aren't satisfying to you, please continue to read about baseball mustaches, here.

Cole Hamels in Arizona

2011-07-13T00:14:00.005-04:00

It's the All-Star Game, the night when people in different uniforms all play at the same time. Cole Hamels made the National League team but didn't pitch. What did he do in Arizona? Well, this for one thing:

I also read on his Twitter that there was a scorpion in his hotel room. Arizona is a dangerous place. The National League won the game again this year, so it's officially time to start worrying about seeing the Phillies in the World Series.

This is another photo I found on Twitter. I love that these mascots all traveled to support their All-Stars and that that mysterious magenta thing is standing next to the Phillie Phanatic. They are obviously cousins.

Home Run Derby

2011-07-11T23:16:00.006-04:00

Other than dropping something off of the top of this building, it's hard to imagine making any object travel 472 feet. Robbie Cano did it tonight. Prince Fielder did it too, plus two feet more. I have a few different photos saved on my desk top as "Cool-Fielder.jpg." He's that cool...look at him!

There were a lot of good smiles present at the Derby, but these are my two favorite:

I've seen this glove pose before and I find it almost as cute as Matt Kemp does, but Robbie Cano has the best smile in baseball, hands/gloves/whatever down. And he hit the most home runs, tying Adrian Gonzalez by hitting 20 in the first two rounds combined, then hitting 12 to win in the final round.

I read on Yahoo! Answers that hitters get to choose their pitchers. Robbie chose his dad, Jose Cano. David Ortiz also chose Robbie's dad.

Congratulations, Robbie!!! What a week for the Yankees. Are we going to win the World Series?

Derek Jeter: 3,000

2011-07-09T15:10:00.001-04:00

Congratulations, Derek Jeter.

Unbelievable!

The Last of My Thoughts on Derek Jeter for the Evening

2011-07-04T01:59:00.003-04:00

I just spent the last 4 1/2 hours hand-writing and then typing a 5-page essay about seeing Derek Jeter play with the Trenton Thunder on Saturday night. Maybe after I edit it, I'll post it here and the entire blog will be filled with words. In the meantime, here's a photo of him from his second rehab start this afternoon.

I strongly doubt that Derek Jeter's the kind of person who thinks, "I have to wear that?" I think that he would especially never think this about any kind of patriotic uniform, because Derek Jeter is the definition of a model citizen (or at least one definition of it). So, Happy Independence Day. Go ahead and wear your flag t-shirts and embroidered blue jean cutoffs. Derek Jeter doesn't mind and I guess I don't either.

What Happened to Your Face?

2011-06-30T16:57:00.003-04:00

Cole Hamels left today's game against the Red Sox with a "contusion to his glove hand." But what is going on with his chin?

Doesn't he look young? Maybe he cut himself shaving? Please don't be injured, Cole.

Catch It!

2011-06-28T20:23:00.004-04:00

It's been a few days since I scrolled through the Yahoo! Sports MLB Photo gallery. I was going to post a gross-looking photo of Brian Wilson licking his gross-looking beard, but then I thought "Jenni, don't hate." Here, instead, are some photos of center fielders jumping to catch balls. They are Franklin Gutierrez, Ichiro Suzuki, Brett Gardner, Grady Sizemore (back when he could play baseball without injuring himself), and Ken Griffey Jr.

Don't hate...elevate!

Happy Bday DJ

2011-06-26T19:54:00.000-04:00

Evan Longoria's Hair, The Sequel

2011-06-22T15:40:00.005-04:00

I got pretty excited when I read this last night:

Evan Longoria's hair is the reason 75% of all readers arrive at this blog. I watched the Rays game for five minutes, hoping that he would give an in-game-dugout interview or that his batting helmet would fall off, but this is the best photo I got:

Luckily, other bloggers are more dedicated to cause:

You should click on that link to see Matt Joyce's stoned-poodle haircut. I've picked him up and dropped him multiple times in both of my Fantasy Leagues. He may be off the teams for good, now that I know what he looks like.

As for Evan, I like the long hair better.

You Wanted More Information About Cole Hamels, Right?

2011-06-21T17:30:00.006-04:00

People keep contributing to the internet's treasure trove of Cole Hamels knowledge. There aren't any colorful anecdotes in this in this article, but there are some baseball statistics and these sentences that validate my season-long claim that Hamels is an ace:

"This is a pitcher who has improved his arsenal to take the step to the next level. He is a true fantasy ace." -Tristan H. Cockcroft, professional sports writer

This old, unflattering picture accompanies the article on ESPN.com's Fantasy Baseball homepage. Although I do like these white uniforms and blue hats a lot, ESPN.com's Fantasy Baseball art director should feel free to call or email me if he or she needs access to an archive of more attractive Cole photos. Or if he or she needs a summer intern. It's officially summer and I know how to use a fax machine.

Sunday Night

2011-06-20T16:50:00.007-04:00

I frequently cite the fact that all Iowans are Cubs fans when explaining my dislike of the Cubs. (We can explore the animosity I feel towards my mental conception of the anonymous group people who provided a safe and pleasant community for my family and I in a separate post on the "Understanding Jenni's Psychological Perspective and Wrong Ideas Blog.") That said, I didn't know that I knew any actual Cubs fans until my friend told me to "suck it" after the Cubs beat the Yankees in the first game of this weekend's series. The Yankees came back to take the remaining two games. Friend, you "suck it."

That said, Wrigley Field is a place I'd like to visit, especially after Dave Eggers told the internet that watching the Cubs isn't the point of going there. You can read more of what Dave Eggers thinks about it, here. You can see a photo of it from Sunday night's game, here:

C.C. Sabathia pitched on Sunday night. He hasn't been lights-out-super-amazing these last two weeks, but he did win the game. He also swung a bat, which is not something that happens very often.

I usually think of C.C. as the "ace" of my Dynasty Keeper League team, but that title probably belongs to Cole Hamels. He only gave up two runs, but still lost the game to some Mariner named Jason Vargas on Sunday. The Mariners have a lot of good pitchers and at least two new, young hitters. Are they going to be championship contenders before we turn 40?

Chase Utley is back. He and Jason Vargas performed a bird dance together.

I don't know if I've ever posted a photo of a Giant other than Buster Posey, Tim Lincecum or Eli Manning, but I saw this angry photo of Cody Ross and thought to myself "Yes, this is why I hate him." I like to encourage people to dislike the things that I hate, so maybe the photo will make you feel the same way I feel.

Don't like Cody Ross and don't like the Cubs. You can like Cole Hamels if you want, but not if we play Fantasy Baseball together. You can like the Yankees, no matter who you are. That would mean a lot to me.

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-19T12:34:00.000-04:00

To sports dads and all dads.

Who Are You?

2011-06-16T22:31:00.005-04:00

Today, I felt like looking at some people that I've never seen before:

Mike Moustakas and Dustin Ackley have been sitting on my Grinnell College Fantasy bench for roughly three months. I took them in the last two rounds of the draft because I saw their names in some magazines and no one else seemed to want them. They were both called up in the last week, so they can finally earn points and victories for me. Who are you and where did you come from?

This person, Eric Hosmer, has been on my team for a while. No one drafted him. I chose him from the list of 1,300 free players listed by Yahoo! Sports Fantasy Baseball. I like him so much that I named a player on my iPhone Baseball '11 Season Mode team after him.

New people appear. Old people get injured and you don't see them for a while. Life continues!

Sometimes, Things Happen

2011-06-14T08:52:00.002-04:00

I messed up my blog layout and Derek Jeter got injured. Why is the world the way it is?

Derek Jeter 3,000 Hit Countdown

2011-06-13T19:27:00.005-04:00

It's going to happen this week. It's going to happen this week! THIS WEEK.

Here's a link to an archive of related Sports Illustrated stories. I read the article about Derek Jeter's fan mail and this is my favorite part:

It would mean "so, so much" if Jeter would accept people's gifts of bubble gum, poems (2), cookies (by the 100s), audio letters (2), shoes (wrong size), needlepoint, novels (2), rambling seven-page essays about Pokemon (6, all from the same woman) and a dead woman's favorite Yankees T-shirt and shorts, which, after three weeks in a plastic bag, stank to wherever she is now. "It was her final wish," wrote her daughter. "I'm hoping they bring you luck."

I promise that I'm not the woman who sent six seven-page essays about Pokemon.

I probably couldn't even write one.

(Photos via)

What Things Look Like

2011-06-08T23:30:00.006-04:00

Shit. The Red Sox got good again. I keep hearing that Dustin Pedroia is a nice person, but that's not going to stop me from seeing a giant prairie rodent every time I look at him:

In happier news, a still-clean-shaven Cole Hamels struck out nine over eight shut out innings tonight. And he won the game! Here are some recent photos I took of other televised or digitized images of Cole's chin:
And finally, this is what the psyche of young San Fransisco looks like:

via...I never thought I'd link to a parenting blog...

Buster Posey, I'm also sorry you broke your fibula. I still think you're going to be a star and everyone loves you.

An old photo of Younger Mike Mussina and a new photo of Old Mike Mussina

2011-06-01T17:24:00.006-04:00

I'm behind on "things I want to talk to you about on the internet," but I saw this photo on Yahoo! Sports Big League Stew, keyword Fashion Umpire and I didn't want to let it just drift away.

I miss Mike Mussina. He has gray stubble now:

In honor of the Fake Mustache Gray Moose, here are some tips on doing crossword puzzles from Martha Stewart and Will Shortz. I once tried to write enough Yankee puns to make a crossword theme, but quickly realized that 1) I'm not good at puns and 2) crosswords have a lot of rules. If anyone wants to incorporate "Robinson Canoe" into their baseball crossword puzzle, you may use it free of charge.

Later, we'll discuss Buster Posey's horrible, tragic, depressing, fantasy-team-stalling injury and some fashion photographs I saw of Cole Hamels.

Congratulations, Scholars

2011-05-16T15:12:00.004-04:00

I only had one day off this weekend and I spent most of it being depressed about the Red Sox. Some people spent it finishing school, though. Happy graduation to anyone who graduated!

If you like looking at photos of athletes, you should follow the Sports Illustrated vault on Twitter. They frequently have collections of things like "athletes with boats" or "athletes spitting" or "Tom Brady's hair." And photos like this:

I am too angry to enjoy this cute photo, so here is a great gallery of baseball players arguing with umpires, which is more The Way That I Feel.

The Way That I Feel

2011-05-16T08:51:00.001-04:00

Happy Mother's D.J. Day

2011-05-09T23:01:00.003-04:00

This Sunday against the Texas Rangers, Derek Jeter went 4/6, with 2 runs, 3 RBIs, 2 home runs and 1 stolen base. Two home runs!

Here's a passage from his autobiography about being young and showing his mother a picture of the USA Today High School Player of the Year:

I saved the picture and showed it to my mother. She nodded, admitted that it looked pretty nice. Then I told her that I planned to be the USA Today High School Player of the Year. I was 14 years old and looked 12 because of the twigs I had for arms and legs. But, responding as matter-of-factly as if I'd said I wanted another piece of chicken Parmesan, she told me that was an excellent goal.

I wonder how often the Jeters ate chicken Parmesan. I'm pretty sure we never ate this at my house. Thank you, Mrs. Jeter, for feeding your son well and for nurturing his dreams, and thank you moms everywhere, not just the ones that produce professional athletes.

My Favorite Getty Images 2011 Baseball Portraits

2011-04-30T11:55:00.005-04:00

A No Longer Breaking, but Still Upsetting Hair Alert: Cole Hamels's Goatee Part III

2011-04-27T21:53:00.007-04:00

Yes, Cole Hamels still has his goatee. Moreover, Cole Hamels's goatee has a chatty twitter account. Here's an iPhone photo I took of a professional photograph, followed by something clever I thought to do while trolling the internet for more professional photographs of Cole Hamels's goatee:

ENLARGE IT. They're twins. Cole won another game today. I'm not crediting the goatee. He's just good at baseball.

Pairings

2011-04-24T22:18:00.002-04:00

Buster Posey with....

...Aubrey Huff

...Barry Zito

...Brian Wilson

...two awards
...two babies(?!)

Breaking Hair Alert: Cole Hamels's Goatee, Part II

2011-04-23T15:25:00.004-04:00

From my personal Cole Hamels archive:

If you want to read or contribute to a message board about this goatee, you can do so here.

Breaking Hair Alert: Cole Hamels's Goatee, Part 1

2011-04-23T08:53:00.005-04:00

Last night, Cole Hamels shut down the Padres. He also got two hits! Why don't these count towards my Fantasy stats? I have a few players who have only had one hit this week (Jeter) and could use the boost in batting average. Here he is caught in a run down between first and second base:

But the important news is Cole Hamels's new facial hair. What's going on, here?? More photos to follow.

Brooklyn Throwback

2011-04-22T08:53:00.005-04:00

The newly orphaned Dodgers wore Brooklyn throwback uniforms yesterday in their extra-inning victory over the Atlanta Braves. Our old friend Casey Blake hit a home run!

Emerging ace Clayton Kershaw struck out seven batters and wore very large pants. Matt Kemp hit a walk-off home run in the 12th inning. I think he has the right idea with the high socks. Is this shade of powder blue the universal signifier of PAJAMAS? I remember the Blue Jays doing something like this once, to pretty much the same effect.

In case you've forgotten, this is what the Dodgers usually look like:

And what they did look like when they were in Brooklyn (courtesy of this cool fan blog):

Now, I too must brush my teeth and leave Brooklyn.

Look Now, Look Again

2011-04-13T23:38:00.009-04:00

Here are some things I noticed while scrolling through the Yahoo! Sports MLB Photo Gallery:

Successfully pitching his first complete game of the season did not change Roy Halladay's perpetually dour expression. The above photo made me think of this, for some reason:

It's Saint Sebastian! The patron saint of "soldiers, plagues, arrows, athletes/athletics/sports." I googled "patron saint of baseball" and this is what happened:

Thanks dude. Since we're on the subject of religion:

...
...
...

I love thinking about what the Connecticut basketball player to A-Rod's right is texting in this photo. Doesn't A-Rod look like he's made out of plastic?

And finally, I swear that Derek Jeter is wearing bigger pants than normal:

See?

I did a few image searches for "Derek Jeter big pants" and "Derek Jeter tight pants" and "Is Derek Jeter wearing bigger pants than usual?" Which lead to this:

The internet...who knows why anything is the way it is. More Derek Jeter pants updates to follow.

Baseball as Experienced Through my iPhone

2011-04-10T20:59:00.006-04:00

Here are some iPhone photos of my recent baseball activities:

Yankee Stadium, Hat Night

A page from my baseball card binder

Watching the Dodgers on my computer

Earlier today, an appropriately dreamy photo of Cole Hamels

Cole Hamels was great this afternoon. Here are two notable excerpts from his 2009 Sports Illustrated profile:

In early January 2009 Cole and Heidi drove their Jeep, with a U-Haul attached, from their house in suburban Philadelphia to Clearwater so Cole could start his off-season workouts at the Phillies' spring training facility. On the way they stopped in Orlando. There Heidi, a dedicated runner who has a master's degree in exercise physiology, ran a half-marathon and attended a convention on behalf of a company she has started with her sister Dawn called sistasshirts.com, which produces and sells inspirational T-shirts for female runners. (Cole manned the credit-card swiper.)

Hamels is also humble and quick to laugh at himself. He casts himself as the rube in many of the personal stories he tells. There was the time that shortstop Jimmy Rollins and a few other teammates invited him to play cards on the team plane. ("I was like, Sure, I know how to play poker, but it wasn't poker, and the next thing I know, all my meal money's gone.") And the misunderstanding over the 2010 Chevy Camaro he won as the World Series MVP and promised in a postgame interview to give to Heidi. ("I kept waiting for them to deliver it, so I finally called and they said you have to order it online, and it'll take eight months. I was like, I thought I just got the one that was on the field!")

I'm now listening to the Yankees-Red Sox game on the radio. No photos will be taken.

Evan Longoria's Hair

2011-04-03T22:04:00.002-04:00

I don't want to talk about Evan Longoria's strained left oblique. I want to talk about his hair.

This mullet of free spirited curls isn't that bad when he keeps his hat on, especially considering this look:

Or this one:

Or this one:

APRIL FOOL'S! That's Johnny Damon. Did you see him fall down in left field the other day?

Opening Day 2011

2011-03-31T21:44:00.012-04:00

The forecast promises snow and freezing rain tomorrow, but the long, dark season of "I-guess-I'll-get-interested-in-football-but-I-still-don't-like-basketball" is finally over. I've been watching baseball on my computer, on my phone and on a muted television at the Greenpoint YMCA for nine hours and counting, now. Here are my favorite photos of things I may have seen at one point during the day:

TIGERS v. YANKEES

AMERICA: giant flag, fireworks, Statue of Liberty, advertisements,
Yankees, baseball, hot dogs (probably somewhere).

Curtis Granderson's diving catch. Later, he hit a home run.

Welcome to New York, Miggy.

Mark Teixeira hit a 3-run home run. Derek Jeter said "Congratulations!"

BRAVES v. NATIONALS

AMERICA: shooting columns of fire into the air,
men charging through clouds of smoke

Bahhhh. You again.

BREWERS v. REDS

Prince Fielder with beard and earflaps.

PADRES v. CARDINALS

I have this guy Chase Headley on my Fantasy team. Here he
is scoring a run. What does his face look like?

ANGELS v. ROYALS

Bobby Abreu chewing gum.

GIANTS v. DODGERS

I typically cheer for the Dodgers, but with Joe Torre gone, Casey Blake injured, Andre Ethier wearing a ponytail and MLB.tv not allowing me to listen to the Vin Scully audio over the ESPN video feed, I wasn't sure how I'd feel during the game. The ESPN announcers sucked. I mean, you can't just say that Pablo Sandoval lost 40 lbs. on the "chicken salad diet" and not describe what was in the chicken salad. I don't know what he was eating before, but mainlining mayonnaise doesn't sound like the fastest route to good health.

The California Baseball Giants

But he looks a lot thinner here.

Matt Kemp had a good night. I forget how attractive he is and then
see him and think he should be a movie star.

Anyway, despite the aforementioned factors, I really enjoyed this game. You'd have to have a heart made out of wormy garbage to not feel closer to the Giants after their World Series victory last year. I hope Buster Posey becomes a baseball megastar and that Panda enjoys continued success with that chicken salad. Do you put apples in it? Golden raisins?

THE YANKEES WON!
THE DODGERS WON!
ROY HALLADAY IS PITCHING TOMORROW.
I LOVE BASEBALL!!!!!

BAAAAASEBALLLLLL

2011-03-31T10:18:00.003-04:00

I promise to provide some non-ESPN-produced baseball thoughts and pictures later in the day, but I just woke up and.........
Is this a mistake or a joke?
Four point eight percent of people went with it, regardless. Sometimes you just have to go with it. Anything could happen. aNYYthing.

This Team

2011-03-28T19:05:00.003-04:00

I drafted some excellent mugshots in my Grinnell College Fantasy Baseball League. This team resembles my Marauders of Time Auction Dynasty Keeper Team, although I did not have to pay a combined total of $61.00 for Derek Jeter and Cole Hamels. No one freak out. I would have gone up to $93.00 each and spent $47.00 on Robbie Cano and filled the rest of my team with dollar scrubs in a heartbeat.

Yes, Cole is the "ace" of my pitching staff. I'm putting that in quotes because of this New York Times article:

Identifying an ace is largely subjective, but baseball people tend to give no more than 13 active pitchers the title, with about the same number falling just a shade below and three others (Johan Santana, Stephen Strasburg and Adam Wainwright) probably out for the season with injuries.
The members of the vaunted, if unofficial, class: Chris Carpenter, Zack Greinke, Roy Halladay, Felix Hernandez, Ubaldo Jimenez, Josh Johnson, Cliff Lee, Jon Lester, Lincecum, Price, Roy Oswalt, C. C. Sabathia and Justin Verlander.

That's three Phillies starting pitches not named Cole Hamels! We'll see.

We're All Probably Moving in a Direction, Somewhere, Somehow

2011-03-11T18:39:00.007-05:00

I read on Twitter that Grady Sizemore is running again:

As someone who also suffered a knee injury and who starts "running again" once every few weeks after intermittent binges on internet television and fried Chinese food, I can't say that I'm so impressed that Mr. Pro Athlete / Former #1 Fantasy Baseball Draft Pick is running again. But since I haven't completely forgotten my early infatuation with Grady, here's a picture of him running away from a cone.

RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cleveland.com suggests that Grady may even be running the bases soon. "He's probably moving in that direction," said manager Manny Acta. Grady Sizemore is probably moving in the direction of running the bases. That's a lot of potential motion for one sentence. Should I draft him again this year? So far, my strategy has consisted of drawing angry X's through Jayson Werth's name and nervously wondering if I'd spend all $260 of my budget on Derek Jeter.

Loser.

Of course I would. The way I see it, $260 in imaginary money is a small price to pay for my future career as Derek Jeter's art advisor/Yankees radio co-host.

Happy weekend everyone! If the weather improves and you start running again, make sure to tweet it!

This is a Professional Athlete

2011-02-25T22:17:00.002-05:00

Is there any person who looks more like his or her name than Bartolo Colon does his?

If CC Sabathia can lose 25 pounds simply by not eating an entire box of Cap'n Crunch for breakfast, what is this man doing wrong? Or rather, refusing to do right?

My First Baseball Movie

2011-02-21T23:52:00.003-05:00

Phil helped me learn how to use iMovie and I made this:

I've had a really productive weekend on the internet, as you can see.

Play Fantasy Baseball with Jamie

2011-02-20T18:34:00.004-05:00

Hello college friends. Do you want to play Fantasy Baseball with Jamie (again)? If so, tell him YES so that he'll stop being so absorbed in his Canadian life and set up a league for us.

If you join, I'll make you a crappy Photoshop collage about your favorite player. Or, if you'd rather just read about a Fantasy league that involves some Grinnellians and many Asian people, you can do that here.

Hatless

2011-02-17T08:42:00.003-05:00

The Phillies did a pitcher presser on Monday to show off their "historic" rotation. Are they going to win the World Series? Yeah, maybe. Are they the best looking rotation in baseball? I don't think so, but Cole Hamels has really nice hair.

Joe Blanton. Ugh.

Signs of Life

2011-02-14T09:46:00.006-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day! The curbside piles of frozen trash are finally melting in New York and the city's cold wave of mass seasonal depression seems to be peaking. Spring must be on it's way! And so, pitchers and catchers from across the globe have begun reporting to their team camps in Arizona and Florida. In celebration of the fact that BASEBALL SEASON IS COMING, here are some old photos of our favorite pitchers and catchers in sunny places, including some with palm trees.

Top Top: Roy Halladay, Fantasy Baseball All-Star
Top Bottom: Cole Hamels, Walking Purposefully
Bottom Top: Fans in sports shorts watch Mo run
Bottom Bottom: CC's new diet

I heard that CC Sabathia's already lost 25 pounds and that he expects to lose 5-10 more during spring training. According to this photo, his new nutritionist is a giraffe. GO YANKEES.

Top: Joe Mauer reading Proust
Bottom: Happy Tigers

I'm not a very dedicated follower of the central teams, so perhaps you can tell me two things. Does Joe Mauer live in Minnesota during the off-season? And who is that jumping person?

Pitchers and catchers in California have a nice life, year-round. They also enjoy dressing their rookies as Alpine women.

Top top: Chad Billingsley: Dodgers Right-handed Pitcher
Top Bottom: Clayton Kershaw in a dress
Bottom Top: Buster Posey in a dress
Bottom Bottom: Sports Celebrities...they're just like us!

If that isn't a photo of Tim Lincecum stoned in the hotel hot tub, I'll buy and mail everyone ten boxes of conversation hearts each.

By Popular Demand

2011-01-31T21:44:00.006-05:00

I never really know what to expect when I check in on the list of Google keywords that lead people to this blog. This month, almost 40% of all searchers came looking for photos of Drew Brees's baby. An additional four or five people were just looking for "sports children." Well, okay. Here's a baseball child and here's Cool Breez-y Jr. at last year's Superbowl:

Joe let me steal this card from him this summer. I keep it on my desk even though I rooted for Peyton Manning, because like everyone else on the internet, I find this baby cute.

While we're on the subject, I'd like to publicly welcome the very first friend-baby to enter my life. I can't believe it. Congratulations, guys.

Refractors

2011-01-30T14:53:00.003-05:00

It's Sunday, so I spent the morning half-listening to The BS Report and looking at baseball cards on the internet. I don't know anything about the baseball card market-- I just appreciate that they're uniformly rectangular objects with images on them. Some cards look SO good. I love nostalgia cards and cards that resemble paintings, like this Chase Utley National Chicle card I got out of a pack I bought while in Door County, Wisconsin with my parents this summer (note: this is not an image of my card). Someday, I'm going to curate a show of my favorite baseball cards and write a really pretentious press release and have an opening with lukewarm white wine in clear plastic Solo cups. Maybe Kei and Mordecai will consider hosting a similar exhibition in their beautiful new house.

Anyway, I looked at a lot of refractor cards today:

Cool, right?

January Update

2011-01-17T20:45:00.007-05:00

Tonight, while reading my second anxiety-inducing Jonathan Franzen novel of 2011, I started thinking about how much happier I would be staring at the Yahoo! Fantasy Baseball Stat Tracker while simultaneously monitoring the slightly delayed live game feed of the night's most interesting pitching match up and listening to the Yankees game on the radio. Even though these two bad things happened in the off-season...

...and this happened again...

...and this will probably happen soon enough...

...I still can't wait for baseball to begin! On a happy note, this happened, too...

...which means that I will see ugly, old Jayson Werth about 95% less next year than last year. Have fun in loserville, loser.

Thank You for Baseball

2010-11-25T10:37:00.004-05:00

Thank you for baseball. Thank you for Derek Jeter, Derek Jeter's autobiography, the Yankees, Yankee Stadium, Robbie Cano, C.C. Sabathia, Mariano Rivera, our 28th World Series, Snoopy night, souvenir cups, and chicken tenders with french fries. Thank you for inviting me to Yankees Women's Mini Fantasy Camp in Florida. Thank you for sometimes showing your games on regular television and for the radio broadcasts that have taught me nothing about how the game of baseball is played.

Thank you for Joe Torre, Vin Scully, Matt Kemp's eyes, Casey Blake, Citi Field nachos, Mr. Met, Southpaw, Ozzie Guillen's Twitter account, Ichiro, Ichirolls, Ken Griffey Jr., Miggy Cabrera, the vanished Grady Sizemore and all other players that wear #24. Thank you for Cole Hamels and Roy Halladay, Clayton Kershaw, rookie pitchers, Buster Posey, big fat Pablo Sandoval, Jayson Heyward, Chase Utley's hair gel and for the Twinkies consistently falling apart in the first round of the playoffs. Thank you for the Phillie's blue hat uniforms. Thank you for Albert Pujols being a good human being. Thank you for that kid who dressed up like Ron Washington for Halloween and for Daisuke Matsuzaka's adorable Japanese children. Thank you for Torii Hunter's smile and Vladdy Guerrero's batting helmet. Thank you for Allen & Ginter baseball cards and ESPN Baseball Today with Peter Pascarelli and ESPN Fantasy Focus: Baseball.

Thank you for real sports, fantasy sports, my awful fantasy teams, the Mannings, celebrity quarterbacks, Drew Brees's babies, sports food, sports radio and Friday Night Lights.

Thank you for other things and people that have nothing to do with sports.

And that's it. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Baseball is Over

2010-11-01T23:27:00.002-04:00

The Giants won the World Series. Congratulations San Francisco. You waited for a long time.

Top: I predict a surge in Californian babies named Buster.
Middle: Tim Lincecum was the winning pitcher.
Bottom: Edgar Renteria won the MVP for hitting this home run and others.

Now, baseball is over. It's been a long season. Where will Cliff Lee go?

And what will happen to the rest of us?

One Cool Thing About Brian Wilson

2010-10-28T09:01:00.001-04:00

“I’d like to be a crossword clue one day,” he said. “I want to be in The New York Times’s Sunday edition. Right now, the clue ‘Giants great’ is always Mel Ott. I want my clue to be down, not across. The down ones are usually harder. And when I’m the clue, I’ll fill it in — just that one — and frame it.

“How sweet would that be?”

-Brian Wilson

Beggars Can't be Choosers, Winners Can't be Losers

2010-10-26T23:03:00.012-04:00

There are only four to seven baseball games left in the year, so instead of sulking and wishing intense pain upon anyone wearing a Rangers hat on the subway, all Texas sports teams (except Coach Taylor's) and most non-baseball pro-athletes, it's probably healthier and more enjoyable to just give in and get excited about the World Series. Here are some players I know about:

THE SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS

1. Closer Brian Wilson, evil-eyed trivia expert
2. Catcher Buster Posey, rookie heart throb
3. Pitcher Tim Lincecum, television commercial megastar
4. Cheerleader Barry Zito, cosmic donut
5. Panda Pablo Sandoval, panda panda

THE TEXAS RANGERS
1. Catcher Bengie Molina, will win a ring either way
2. Josh Hamilton, younger than I am surprisingly
3. Vladdy Guerrero, older than everyone you know unsurprisingly
4. Ian Kinsler. What I love about him is that he is always visibly whining.

The Rangers have the ugliest mascot in the Major Leagues. The Giants also have an unfamous mascot, but theirs is at least marginally cute. His name is Lou Seal and he wears sunglasses, sometimes backwards. And then there's this bad crab, which you can read about here.

Baseball! It starts tomorrow.

Goodbye Yankees, Goodbye Phillies

2010-10-24T00:22:00.004-04:00

Goodbye teams I know and sometimes love, hello teams I didn't watch once this year.

That said, Texas and San Fransisco are both interesting clubs and the Red State-Blue State culture clash could produce some excitingly strange moments in the stands. So, other than the fact that my team lost and I'm bummed about it and nothing matters the way it would have, I'm stoked for the World Series to begin...next Wednesday. That's a long time to wait for baseball.

This looks dangerous.

Of course, considering that the Rangers have waited something like 40 years to make it past the first round of the playoffs, it doesn't seem that long. Ron Washington is going to be chewing his gum faster than anyone ever thought possible.

This game sucked. We don't have to talk about it.

Top: A-Rod's walk of shame
Bottom: Good for you, Vladdy!

I thought for sure that the Phillies would make it to Game 7, especially after taking an early lead against crazy Jonathan Sanchez. An unexpectedly rude Chutley almost started a brawl in the third inning. You should watch the video here, because it's funny. If you don't want to do that, you can at least look at this photo that someone official tweeted during the game (commentary and penguin are my additions).

Yeah, that's right. Cole Hamels strolled up to a benches-clearing confrontation with his hands in his pockets. Jayson Werth, however, was right in the thick of the action. He was always sort of a grubby looking cave dweller, but now he looks like he's from another dimension-- like he's forgotten how to use human language. I think I saw him silently communicating with his bat in the on-deck circle tonight. He hasn't opened his mouth wide enough to form words in months. He's reading your mind right now, while you look at his photo. He knows everything you know, and he doesn't like any of it.

Top: ... ... ... ... ... ... !!! ...
Middle: What's with the scoreboard? Does Ryan Howard have duck lips?
Bottom: Chutley wondering what went wrong

Here's another Twitpic, this time of the Giants drinking Bud Light in their locker room. Do you think the Phillies refused to supply them with champagne or do the Giants just genuinely prefer tall boys on momentous occasions?

Congratulations to Cody Ross and Josh Hamilton for being their Championship Series' MVPs. Congratulations to Aubrey Huff for being the only player on either of my Fantasy Teams to make it to the World Series. Congratulations Rangers fans (whoever you are) and Giants fans (I know some, actually). Thank you, Derek Jeter, and see you in Florida. The nice thing about being a Yankee fan is that there is always, always, always, inevitably always next year.