A No Longer Breaking, but Still Upsetting Hair Alert: Cole Hamels's Goatee Part III

Yes, Cole Hamels still has his goatee. Moreover, Cole Hamels's goatee has a chatty twitter account. Here's an iPhone photo I took of a professional photograph, followed by something clever I thought to do while trolling the internet for more professional photographs of Cole Hamels's goatee:

ENLARGE IT. They're twins. Cole won another game today. I'm not crediting the goatee. He's just good at baseball.

Breaking Hair Alert: Cole Hamels's Goatee, Part II

From my personal Cole Hamels archive:

If you want to read or contribute to a message board about this goatee, you can do so here.

Breaking Hair Alert: Cole Hamels's Goatee, Part 1

Last night, Cole Hamels shut down the Padres. He also got two hits! Why don't these count towards my Fantasy stats? I have a few players who have only had one hit this week (Jeter) and could use the boost in batting average. Here he is caught in a run down between first and second base:

But the important news is Cole Hamels's new facial hair. What's going on, here?? More photos to follow.

Indian Wood?

I was never a huge Kerry Wood fan, even back in his Chicago heyday when he struck out 20 or whatever and almost took the Cubs to the world series (along with that other dude). He always looked a little too baby faced and farm boy-y for my taste. But seeing that he's no longer with the Cubs did twinge my hometown (but not home team) heart strings just a bit.

But whatever sense of false longing I might have temporarily felt was quickly erased when I saw Wood's new OFFICIAL TEAM picture.


What are those face pubes doing on his chin well beyond regulation "goatee" length? I think it goes without saying that this man could take a couple grooming cues from you-know-who. He also has the expression of a scared child, which is in stark contrast to these guys, and especially him. Kerry Wood needs to get his shit together.*

*He did pitch a scoreless inning of relief today so I guess he's got that going for him.