Player, Position, Team:
Mark Teixeira, 1B, New York YankeesDid you know that this blog produces three of the first ten images that appear if you Google the words "Mark Teixeira weird face?" Well, it's true! And the picture of Sam and I on our masthead is number one! Sam, aren't you proud to be the demi-symbol of Mark Teixeira's facial weirdness?
Placido Polanco, 2B, Detroit TigersI don't know who this is. Could Placido Polanco be the only non-blogged 2009 Gold Glove winner? I want to say yes, but it's possible that Kei covered him in one of her pro-Tiger raves.
Evan Longoria, 3B, Tampa Bay RaysI can't wait until A-Rod's ever-inflating ego makes his head explode because then the Yankees will sign Evan Longoria.
Joe Mauer, C, Minnesota TwinsNot done acting like I hate Joe Mauer. No comment.
Torii Hunter, OF, Los Angeles AngelsThis photo comes from a blog written by women that love baseball. Their blog appears to be much more informative and fact-centric than this blog.
Ichiro Suzuki, OF, Seattle MarinersIn my imagination, this is a photo of Ichiro trying to tell the moose a joke and the moose saying, "You need to take lessons in making sense," because that's how I feel 90% of the time and I like to think that Ichiro and I, despite our many obvious differences, have one important thing in common. That thing being, of course, that we both seek affirmation from talking animals only to suffer constant humiliation and rejection.
Adam Jones, OF, Baltimore OriolesHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. I will give props to Sam for calling this one out, pre-season.
Mark Buehrle, P, Chicago White SoxHe is beyond adorable. What time is it, Mark? Perfect game time? Miller Lite o'clock? 1:40 in the afternoon?
Derek Jeter, SS, New York YankeesI could go on and on and on about how great Derek Jeter is, but I'll be polite for once and write it in my diary instead. [cartoon heart][flower][cartoon heart][cat wearing a yankee hat]
1. Last year, Grady Sizemore won a Gold Glove.
2. Want to see another weird picture of Mark Teixeira? Of course you do!