Thursday, March 29, 2012

Ichiro Goes Home, Confronts the Bright White Future

Baseball semi-started this week, with a Mariners-A's series at Tokyo Dome. I saw my first-ever professional baseball game there in 2005 with Marti. In this picture, I didn't really like baseball and I'm holding a #24 flag with absolutely no awareness of its emotimagical connotations. Life gets different, sometimes.

For instance, Japan turned the Mariners Moose into a giant, break-dancing inflatable.

Time made Ichiro's hair turn gray and Dustin Ackley's beard grow. Time may also have turned Dustin Ackley into a good baseball player, because he hit the first home run of 2012.

I've been so singularly focused on Derek Jeter aging that I've neglected to remember that the same thing is happening to Ichiro out on the West Coast. Acknowledged or not, we're all getting older. Here's a photo of Ichiro confronting the bright white future.

Dustin Ackley is still young. TWENTY-FOUR, in fact. Are you going to be great this year, Dustin?

It's not "now or never," but it is "soon or get old and disappear."

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The First of my Thoughts About Peyton Manning and the Broncos, with Some Quotes from the Colorado Rockies

What's Peyton Manning going to do in Denver in his spare time? Pitch for the Rockies, I guess.

From the Yahoo! Sports article:

The news spread fast during batting practice at Salt River Fields before the Rockies’ game against the Los Angeles Angels, and just in case anybody didn’t hear, one player pregame yelled: “No more Tebow!”
Sorry, Tim Tebow, but the Rockies are on Team Peyton.
“Tebow is a great player,” outfielder Carlos Gonzalez said, “but I’m from Venezuela and not even a football fan and I know they got one of the best quarterbacks in history.”
“I have nothing against Tebow,” outfielder Dexter Fowler concurred, “but I’m definitely a Peyton Manning guy.”
For one, Manning spent more time around the Rockies than Tebow. Because of his friendship with Helton, he has shown up unannounced in recent years before Rockies games. Last July, Gonzalez walked into the dugout, saw Manning and said to himself: “I think I know this guy.”
A month later, when the Rockies were in St. Louis, Fowler glanced at Helton’s locker only to see someone with three extra inches and one fewer goatee.“He’s sitting in Todd’s chair,” Fowler said, “and you’re like, ‘What? Oh, yeah, that’s Peyton Manning.’ ”
Obviously, my fantasy was for Peyton to move to New York, replace Mark Sanchez, do media appearances with Eli and local television commercials with Derek Jeter, and go to the Met with me on Sunday afternoons. We'd have such a nice time eating hot dogs on the front steps and then walking through Central Park. I mean, nothing (much) against Denver, but you can't do any of those things there.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Generally, I Tend to Like Photos Like These

I like photos of Roy Halladay smiling. They are just so bizarre. I also like photos of Cole Hamels looking thoughtful. I think my hands may be larger than his.

This isn't Derek Jeter's best side, but this photo is like some sort of Sebald-baseball mashup, which I like. Seeing weird stuff like this in the Yahoo! Sports MLB Photo Gallery really makes my day.

Maybe I'll make my own Derek Jeter owl collage later today after the noisy plumbers leave.

I am extremely jealous that there are people out in the world taking close-up Instagram photos of Derek Jeter. This photo would be cooler with bird eyes, though.

Finally, look who's back:

If you don't like this photo, you are probably not a good person. It would be cooler with some dog eyes in the background, though.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Good Morning, Jenni

I've been sleeping. I've been hibernating. I've been so preoccupied with wondering where I'm going to have to move to become Peyton Manning's art adviser that I completely failed to finish the Grady Sizemore injury rant I started writing two weeks ago. It's time to wake up.

Three nights ago, I dreamt that I met Cole Hamels and his skin was moon-bright, like a glowing porcelain doll. Last night, I listened to four hours of Fantasy Baseball podcasts. By the end, I was saying things like "I hate him" and "Oh God, I hate him" out loud to no one. It's like I'm in Emotional Spring Training.

Yeah, I'm ready to give my life back to you, baseball. Here's a celebratory photograph of Matt Kemp. Big League Stew seems to think it was an error or a prank. I just think it's a prediction.

Good luck to all the players I love! Good luck (but not as good) to all the players I hate, too, just to be nice. LET'S GET READY FOR BASEBALL!!!!