Opening Day Memories

I thought about baseball so much this weekend that my brain caught on fire and I had to stay home from work with a fever today. Never fear...I went to my doctor and she gave me a bottle of BLACK CAPSULE PILLS to take twice daily, so it's likely that no permanent damage will occur. The upside of spending all of yesterday in a sickly haze is that I watched large segments of five different opening day games, as well as the Duke v. Butler game and Sunday night's Yankees-Red Sox beat down. Here are some highlights (in roughly chronological order):

1. BASEBALL STARTS....


2. ...hi Derek Jeter!!!!!!!


I was unhappy that the Yankees lost to the Red Sox on Sunday night. Red Sox fan Reid texted me on Monday morning to ask, "Are the Yankees going to win any games this year? Sure doesn't look like it now." To which I could only respond, "Yeah, probably only 103 like last year, starting some time in late May." It's important to remember that every team in the Major Leagues lost at least 59 games last year...that's a lot of losing!!!

3. Obama in the booth at the Phillies-Nationals game:

Obama threw his pitch high and outside, then he got in the booth and made fun of the Chicago Cubs. You can watch the video on MLB.tv, or you can just read the funniest part, which I transcribed below.

"The nice thing about the Sox is that it's a real blue collar baseball team. We always tease about the Cubs that they're up at Wrigley, sipping wine, playing day games...they're having a good time."

At first, I thought that it was rude of Obama to wear a White Sox hat while pitching for the Nationals, especially since the Nats are awful and need as much fan love as possible. But then I was reminded that the most important thing in baseball-- even beyond not making losers feel bad about being losers-- is being true to your team. This is why I will wear a Yankees hat when I'm inevitably asked to throw out the ceremonial first pitch for the I-Cubs.

4. Roy Halladay Lights Out

7 innings pitched, 12 strikeouts, 1.29 ERA, 1.14 WHIP and he got a single!

5. Mark Buehrle Lights Out

7 innings pitched, 3 strikeouts, 0.00 ERA, 0.57 WHIP...AND HE MADE THE DEFENSIVE PLAY OF THE CENTURY!! You might not be able to imagine it from the above photo, but Mark Buehrle is a total babe. These posts from the archive prove it.

6. Hi Johnny Damon!

I like him so much more now that he's on the Tigers. I don't know why.

7. Did Kung Fu Panda gain or lose weight?

San Fransisco fan MBW said that the panda looked larger than last year. But the New York Times claims that he's lost weight. You can read more about his diet, OPERATION PANDA, here. Mom's special lasagna...hahahahaha.

8. HI GRIFFEY!!!!

What's up, friend? Nice double. Don't get injured! We love you.

Ichiro o(^-^)m(-^ )e(^ )d( )e( ^)t( ^-)o(^-^)~♪

Ichiro hasn't been getting enough love on this blog. Last night, he hit TWO home runs to defeat the heavily favored Red Sox 5-4.

Here's the recap from ESPN.com:

"Who knows? It kind of proves that in the universe, mysterious things happen," he said through an interpreter.

Suzuki, an incomparable leadoff hitter and owner of the modern major-league record with eight consecutive 200-hit seasons, had a two-homer game while Ortiz, a five-time All-Star, hasn't hit even one homer in 158 plate appearances all season.

"It shows that, really, two mysterious things happened in the universe today," Suzuki said, looking up with a wry grin while fanning himself at his locker.

He is so COSMIC and MYSTICAL. Congratulations, Ichiro! I love it. What I don't love is Papi slumping so badly. The photos documenting his persistent un-homerunness just get sadder and sadder.

Anyway, in other news, here is what I wish were a photo of showboat B.J. Upton's head exploding after hitting a walk-off homer in last night's game against the Indians. Instead, it's merely a photo of him getting a plate full of shaving cream to the face (kudos to Kei for clueing me into this event, as well as Yahoo! MLB photos, in general).

It really looks like his face is melting! The following photo contains a different distortion of the truth...Obama is NOT a Phillies fan. Sam, back me up on this one.


Is Jimmy Rollins really that much shorter than our Commander-in-Chief? Who knew.

First Pitch

In recent memory I can't think of a time that I made it to a baseball game in time to see the ceremonial first pitch. But every time I do I'm convinced that it's going to be someone awesome and it never is. It's always some sweepstakes winner or corporate VP for marketing of x or y sponsor. Maybe someday I'll strike gold

Barack Obama abandoned his promise to throw out the first pitch at the White Sox home opener. Instead they had to settle for a lousy meet and greet.

Look at AJ Pierzynski in the back - still looking creepy with that bleached hair, even in a suit jacket. But I suppose in fairness I should point out that Obama has done the honors in the past


At least this would never happen to the White Sox first fan



Of course there have been some other notables to throw this season, I'm thinking specifically of Jeff Tweedy from Wilco and this dude with a boa constrictor. There is no connection, I don't think

No real point to this one. Sorry.



Right at the beginning you get a nice close-up of Cubs standout Jeff Samardzija in action walking off the field.