600/200/o_o

I've been waiting for someone to upload a photo or video of Mariano Rivera's 600th save for approximately ten minutes now, but even the Yankees' official March to History: Mariano Rivera website hasn't rolled over from 599 yet. I have to go to bed. Here's my favorite Mariano photo as a placeholder:

While the Yankees cruise to a playoff berth, the less steady Red Sox won their first game in six days, 18-6. Old, old Time Wakefield finally won his 200th game. Sox fans, stop freaking. The Rays aren't going to catch you. I read it on the internet.

In other news, Mr. Met was recently crowned the new Dark Lord of New York City. Will the Yankees sue him for emotional property theft?

He's done bad things in the past:

Photo via, also many other nice photos

There's probably 600 photos of Mo's 600th save online now, but we'll save that for tomorrow. Congratulations, Mariano! Congratulations, Mr. Wakefield! Congratulations, scary baseball mascot!

By Popular Demand

I never really know what to expect when I check in on the list of Google keywords that lead people to this blog. This month, almost 40% of all searchers came looking for photos of Drew Brees's baby. An additional four or five people were just looking for "sports children." Well, okay. Here's a baseball child and here's Cool Breez-y Jr. at last year's Superbowl:



Joe let me steal this card from him this summer. I keep it on my desk even though I rooted for Peyton Manning, because like everyone else on the internet, I find this baby cute.

While we're on the subject, I'd like to publicly welcome the very first friend-baby to enter my life. I can't believe it. Congratulations, guys.

Playoffs Day 2

Because I probably won't stay up long enough to tell you what happens in Game 1 of the Braves-Giants series in California, here's a recap of the two American League games that have already concluded.

Reigning Cy Young winner Tim Lincecum bumming
around in a much earlier time zone.

ALDS Game 2: Rangers 6, Rays 0
Rangers lead series 2-0
W: C.J. Wilson (1-0), L: James Shields (0-1)
HR: TEX Michael Young (1), Ian Kinsler (1)

Top: No other team's #2 is Derek Jeter
Middle: C.J. Wilson of the Texas Rangers
Bottom: Joe Maddon, Rays manager and eye-wear tastemaker, gets ejected
for trying to argue that his team isn't awful.

Maybe home field advantage doesn't mean anything when you play in a goofy dome and never sell out your games. After scoring just one run yesterday, the Rays were shut out by motor sports enthusiast C.J. Wilson and the Rangers' bullpen. They'll play their next game in Texas, where people actually like sports.

ALDS Game 2: Yankees 5, Twinzos 1
Yankees lead series 2-0
W: Andy Pettitte (1-0), L: Carl Pavano (0-1)
S: Mariano Rivera (2)
HR: MIN Orlando Hudson (1), NYY Lance Berkman (1)

Then again, the Minnesota Twins un-domed themselves this year and still got swept at home. Unlike the Rays, though, the Twins have a lot of fans and all of them were crying silent, Nordic tears by the 7th inning.

Top top: Carl Pavano used to look like an ordinary person.
Top bottom: Joe Mauer giving signs.
Bottom top: Handsome Andy Pettitte
Bottom bottom: Hell yeah, Curtis Granderson!

Carl Pavano's facial hair started getting really strange this year. I guess it helps him pitch, because he's been doing pretty well. Even with the help of a lucky mustache, though, it must be hard to go against a team that 1) has won almost three times as many World Series as any other team, 2) has a starting pitcher who's about to break the record for most-ever postseason wins, 3) has a closer who has already broken the record for most-ever postseason saves, and 4) used to pay you to get booed by its merciless fans. Sucks to be Carl Pavano. Sucks to be the Twins.

If nothing else, at least Twinkie-lovers won't have to watch their team get shut out of the ALDS at home this year. They'll have to watch it on TBS like every other baseball fan that couldn't afford to pay $89 to sit in the bleachers at Yankee Stadium.

The Mets should market the "watch baseball in New York" feel by selling tickets to watch home Yankee games on their Jumbotron. I would pay at least $25 to sit in one of those field level seats behind the dugouts, especially since they have A+ sports food. I would even pay $40 if they got actual people to stand on the field and mime the games in real time. Someone get Mr. Met on the phone and make this hapen.

Travis Thechimp Mets Uniform

I take great pleasure in reading through the search terms that lead people to this blog. Sometimes, they make sense. Last month, for example, people arrived at Third Base or Bust by searching for "kinsler baby faced hamilton house bud lite" and "pictures of jose reyes crying." There were a lot of inquiries combining the words "cocaine" with "Darryl Strawberry" (thanks Paul) and "Montreal Expos" (thanks Matt). Many other people wanted to know if Scott and Grady Sizemore are brothers (THEY'RE NOT, OKAY? I WAS WRONG). And, of course, the steady stream of those seeking "Mark Teixeira weird face" photos continued.

After reading through all of these reasonable gateway words, I was thoroughly baffled by a phrase at the very end of the list: "travis thechimp mets uniform." Travis the chimp Mets uniform? It took me about ten minutes of futile memory scanning and 25 seconds of Google searching to remember the post I wrote about a Connecticut housechimp that had to be gunned down by local police after going berserk in February of 2009. I don't know if this is Travis, but for the one person in the universe who visited our blog hoping to find a photo of a chimp in a Mets uniform, your search is over:


To the person who wanted to find "third base or die blog," well, we're not quite ready to get that extreme. Check back next year. And to the person who long-ago searched for "the past is always with us," are you my Bergson-reading, life-fearing, yak-dragging, sports-loving psychic other? Or did you click on the search link and immediately wonder, "WTF, Derek Jeter??!?!"

More Opening Day Memories

Jenni's Opening Day Memories were quite inspiring, so I thought I'd share some of my own through photos I've saved from Yahoo's photo gallery. These photos are not related to the actual playing of baseball. To be honest, I'm kind of overwhelmed by the start of baseball and managing four fantasy leagues (two of which are daily), so my thoughts are quite disorganized and more incoherent than usual. It appears that I'm also coming down with a bug of sorts, which may have added to the frenzy. Jenni and I are twins, after all--though I have yet to take black capsule pills to get better. Anyway, here are my favorite images from Opening Day and some rambling commentary.

Pedro looks so happy.

I don't know much about this tradition of singing Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline" at sporting events, but I do know that Puck sang it to Rachel on "Glee." I was incredibly pleased to hear Diamond singing it live at the game during the radio broadcast of the Yankees vs. Red Sox game.

I like the use of quotes on the guy's sweatshirt.

LOS METS! It's telling that the guy's hand is totally obscuring Jose Reyes. Let's hope he has a good, healthy return tomorrow. Los Mets can't be competing for second-to-last place against the Nationals. That's just too sad.

Are those CRUSTACEANS on the grill? What?

I don't like the Cubs, but damn, I felt really sorry for them when Jason Heyward did the MASHY on Zambrano. Jenni sent me this good article about Heyward. When the Braves come to Wrigley, I'll be sure to hide the car by going somewhere on the south side. Lawrence's Fisheries, anyone?

The caption for this photo read something like, "A band performs at the Kansas City Royals game." A BAND.

Here are the Royals dancers. I wish the girls in the front would be a little more coordinated.

Yeah BOSS DALEY! Who runs the best city in the world? A White Sox fan.

Best mascot ever. This image fills me with hope--not for the White Sox, not for baseball, but for humanity. THIS IS BEYOND BASEBALL.

Bonus image from MLB.TV: a nice view of Chone Figgin's head.

Bonus images (or penalty images, depending on your disposition towards the Marlins) for the Marlins' home opener (I realize there are many home openers that were not on Opening Day, but in my being overwhelmed, and in Yahoo not having photographic records of all home openers, this is what I have so far):

MERMAIDS!

Jenni also had sent me this article about Hanely Ramirez's necklace. There were no images of the necklace itself, so I was very glad to see this picture. I appreciate the photographer using the flash so we can all get a glimpse of the teal diamond as a decimal point.

This is really a penalty image; sorry. Creed's singer, Scott Something, sang the national anthem at the Marlins' home opener tonight. Do I need to say that the Dodgers beat the Marlins, 7-3? The Fish are doomed ￣︿￣

More rambling reports form my frazzled but excited brain to come!

Pulse Check

Photos from around the Majors, Friday, August 14, 2009.

FORTUNES RISING: Robbie Cano flashing that bazillion dollar smile.


FORTUNES FALLING: Clayton Kershaw's facial hair just gets worse and worse.


FORTUNES FLAT-LINED: So scared of A-Rod, super loathe K-Rod. Can someone explain those Mets uniforms to me, please?



YOUR DAILY BREAK FROM THE YANKEES-DODGERS PHOTO DELUGE: Buddies!

I just got a Mariner's news update that states that Ichiro (171), Robbie Cano (148) and Derek Jeter (148) are the top three hit leaders in the American League. Looking good, hitting great.

Feral Cat Crashes Mets Home Opener

On Monday, I got so distracted by Nick Swisher's pinch pitching that I forgot about that other New York baseball team's freak field occurrence! As you can see below, the Mets were cursed blessed surprised [something-ed] by the appearance of a mangy feral cat during their home opener at Citi Field. (Big props to Kei for reminding me of this.)

THAT CAT WANTS BLOOD! Apparently, the Mets have a long history of feline invasions, most notably when a black cat took the field during a 1969 game against the Chicago Cubs.

The Cubs' Ron Santo Cursed by Black Magic Mets Cat, 1969

That cat did well by the Mets. According to this website:

Ever since the early years of Shea, kittens and cats have been roaming around the field. Some will remember the Chicago Cubs-New York Mets game in 1969, when a black cat scurried across the visiting dugout. The Mets, of course, went on to win the NLDS and World Series that year.

Are the Mets using demon animals to cast evil enchantments on visiting teams?

Evidence against the above statement: they lost Monday's game.
Evidence in support of the above statement: they signed Gary Sheffield.

(Here's a funny, short New York Magazine article about GS. Worth reading if you have a moment.)

Of course, we all know that black magic mastery takes time and, in the interim, mistakes get made. NEW YORK METS, I AM WATCHING YOU AND IF YOU ATTEMPT TO CURSE DEREK JETER OR IN ANY OTHER WAY HARM THE NEW YORK YANKEES, I WILL BE FORCED TO WEILD MY FORMIDABLE SPELLCASTING POWERS AGAINST YOU.*

*Although my shabby internet skills have prevented me from finding the post on the now defunct Ponytail Junction blog, in which I revealed that I had become possessed by our backyard witch neighbor, it really happened and, as a result, I know magic. Just ask Rachel.

USA v. PR

Wow, last night's USA v. PR game looked exciting! I wish I could have watched it live, but ESPN was showing college basketball instead, for some reason. ESPN does have a pretty awesome video recap on their website, though, which shows Shane Victorino looking like a clown and Derek Jeter looking like a pretty bad baseball player. I don't know who's doing the commentary, but I LOVE THEM! Here's an excerpt:

Woman: Carlos Beltran, arguably the best center fielder in baseball.
Man: Settle down.
Woman: All right. It's true. I said arguably. Take two more looks, it's that good.
Man: You could argue I'm the best looking guy in the world, but that doesn't mean it's right.
Woman: Well, you could, Scott, but we won't go there right now.

At first, I thought that the male announcer replied, "You could argue that HE'S the best looking guy in the world," in reference to Beltran, which would have been hilarious. Let's imagine for a minute that he did.


Best looking guy in the world? Not even close! Sorry, CB, but you're not even the best looking Center Fielder in the Major Leagues. Nice catch, though.

One thing I appreciate about men is how they beat the shit out of each other when they're happy. In these photos, Derek Jeter looks like he's about to take a giant, bloody bite out of the back of David Wright's neck.

ETERNAL YOUTH SHALL BE MINE!

Here's the New York Times describing the rowdy post-game celebration:

After Wright’s ball dropped in shallow right and Brian Roberts and Jimmy Rollins scampered home with the tying and go-ahead runs, the Americans sprinted out of the dugout and made Wright into a human-sized pillow. Player after player dived on Wright, turning the infield into a sea of red, white and blue.

“All I know is that David Wright’s face was in the dirt, and all the Mets fans were panicking,” Roberts said.

In other WBC news, last night Korea defeated Japan. Tonight Japan plays Cuba and the USA plays Venezuela. GO TEAM USA!

NL East

Founded on February 2, 1876-- 25 hearty years before its American counterpart-- the National League is the oldest professional sports organization still in operation. Having completed our tour of the sprightly, star-studded AL "Junior Circuit" last Friday, we now turn our attention towards the innocuous and less talented "Seniors." Have I ever watched a National League game on television? No. And for the most part, I don't want to and won't (unless the Dodgers are involved). Still, before I can hand the World Series of Attractiveness title over to the Yankees, I have to to go through the motions of rating EVERY TEAM IN MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL. Let's get on with it then...beginning with the NL East!

Dominating the competition this week were the New York Mets, who finished with a very decent team average of 5.13.

The Kings of Queens: Carlos Delgado (7), Carlos Beltran (8), José Reyes (8)

Ladies and gentlemen, these pictures say it all. The Mets are a good looking team and they know it. For some reason, José Reyes's address is listed on his Wikipedia page. Uhhhh...here's a satellite image of his house.

In no way does Third Base or Bust encourage or condone celebrity stalking.

Citi Field's Other Half: Freddy Garcia (3) J.J. Putz (2) and Robinson Cancel (3)

As this blog has consistently demonstrated, many baseball players make strange facial hair choices. This will become even more evident later in this post, but J.J. Putz and Freddy Garcia are pretty good starting examples. And Robinson Cancel...he's like some sort of grotesque Robinson Cano wannabe. Step off boy, there's only room for Robbie C. in this city.

The Washington Nationals finished second in the National League, posting an average of 4.48.

Talk of the Nation: Dimitri Young (7), Lastings Milledge (6), Alberto Gonzalez (7)

If you Google "Alberto Gonzalez" "Washington," you do NOT come up with the Major League shortstop. Adding "National(s)" doesn't seem to help, either, so this face-obscured-by-hat-view is the best I could find. When it comes to Lastings Milledge, I can't say that I care for either his insolent on-field antics or his unsavory off-field rap career, but his mugshot wasn't bad. On the other hand, doesn't Dimitri Young look cool?!

More "Nick Cage" than "National Treasure": Ronnie Belliard (2), Adam Dunn (3), Nick Johnson (2)

How did Adam Dunn end up on my Fantasy Baseball bench? I'd call him the Achilles Heel of "Ladies Love Us," but unfortunately we also drafted previous hall-of-shamer Kerry Wood. Still, I maintain that we are the best looking team in the league. Proof forthcoming.

Here are the Atlanta Braves, in third place, with a score of 4.20.

Hotlanta-ish: Derek Lowe (5), Yunel Escobar (5), Garret Anderson (6)

As you can probably tell from the numerical ratings, I'm not too jazzed about this team. Derek Lowe is on my Fantasy pitching staff, though, so I'm pleased that he's not totally heinous.

Bravery Over Beauty: Jordan Schafer (3), Mike Gonzalez (3) and JoJo Reyes (3)

While Jordan Schafer looks somewhat like a cruel amalgam of boys I might have dated in my early 20's, he also looks like a terrifying space alien. Meanwhile, Mike Gonzalez and JoJo Reyes provide two more excellent examples of bad facial hair. Will someone who knows the proper names of these weird hair occurrences PLEASE write a post about this subject next week?

Reigning World Champions (of baseball), the Philadelphia Phillies came in fourth with an average of 4.13.

All-Over Champs: Jimmy Rollins (6), Ryan Howard (6), Marcus Giles (6)

Check out Ryan Howard's come hither stare and Jimmy Rollins double-number-one finger point. Other than that, I have nothing to say about the Phillies. I only cheered for them during the 2008 World Series because I HATE TAMPA BAY.

"Phil"lies and "Drinking," Two Words that Belong Together!:
Jayson Werth (2), Joe Blanton (2), Shane Victorino (2)

I like that this team-- no matter how unattractive-- knows how to party. Jayson Werth's double-fisting in the dugout with a girl on his back! And Joe Blanton's wearing a Lacoste polo shirt and getting his face licked by a lady with big earrings! And Shane Victorino...no, I refuse to say anything nice about him, even mockingly. That guy sucks.

Finally, fifthly, the Marlins who bottomed-out with a score of 3.84.

Best of the Worst: Cameron Maybin (6), Chris Coghlan (6), Hanley Ramirez (6)

You may be interested to know that Hanley Ramirez's Top Five Favorite Musical Artists are (in order of preference): Don Omar, 50 Cent, Bad Boy family, T-Pain and Akon. His Top Five Favorite Cars are: the Mercedes CLS 550, the Range Rover Sport, the Rolls Royce Phantom, the Maserati and the Lamborghini Murcielago. His Top Five Favorite Vacation Destinations are: Brazil, Europe, Samana (Dominican Repubilc), Hawaii and the Bahamas. How do I know this? I read it on his vanity website! Hanley Ramirez was listed as the #1 prospect on a few different Fantasy Baseball sites, but I still have no idea who he is.

I Didn't Make that Fish Picture, But I Wish I Had:
Ricky Nolasco (2), Ryan Tucker (2), Dan Uggla (2)

Things can't be good when you have a guy named Dan Uggla on your team. They just can't. This team scored lower than any team since the Boston Red Sox. Whew. Looking at the NL East put an unhealthy strain on my eyeballs.

I hear that Sam gets back into the country next week, so let's hope for a peaceful end to the long uncontested reign of Jenni. It's about time. We're back in the Midwest next Friday, with the Cubs, Astros, Cardinals, Reds and Pirates.