Thome 600

Jim Thome hit his 599th and 600th home run last night. Of the eight players that have hit 600 home runs in their MLB careers, only Thome and A-Rod are still actively playing and only Thome is currently playing with a Major League team. Congratulations, Jim! I hear you're very nice.


This is a Jim Thome Upper Deck Rookie card with a "BUST" trophy on it. I wish I could say that it's related to Third Base or Bust, but alas, we have yet to publish our own series of baseball cards.
I don't get it-- how can a STAR ROOKIE also be BUST? Also, will Manny Ramirez emerge from his hideout on the moon to comment?

Signs of Life

Happy Valentine's Day! The curbside piles of frozen trash are finally melting in New York and the city's cold wave of mass seasonal depression seems to be peaking. Spring must be on it's way! And so, pitchers and catchers from across the globe have begun reporting to their team camps in Arizona and Florida. In celebration of the fact that BASEBALL SEASON IS COMING, here are some old photos of our favorite pitchers and catchers in sunny places, including some with palm trees.

Top Top: Roy Halladay, Fantasy Baseball All-Star
Top Bottom: Cole Hamels, Walking Purposefully
Bottom Top: Fans in sports shorts watch Mo run
Bottom Bottom: CC's new diet

I heard that CC Sabathia's already lost 25 pounds and that he expects to lose 5-10 more during spring training. According to this photo, his new nutritionist is a giraffe. GO YANKEES.

Top: Joe Mauer reading Proust
Bottom: Happy Tigers

I'm not a very dedicated follower of the central teams, so perhaps you can tell me two things. Does Joe Mauer live in Minnesota during the off-season? And who is that jumping person?

Pitchers and catchers in California have a nice life, year-round. They also enjoy dressing their rookies as Alpine women.

Top top: Chad Billingsley: Dodgers Right-handed Pitcher
Top Bottom: Clayton Kershaw in a dress
Bottom Top: Buster Posey in a dress
Bottom Bottom: Sports Celebrities...they're just like us!

If that isn't a photo of Tim Lincecum stoned in the hotel hot tub, I'll buy and mail everyone ten boxes of conversation hearts each.

Playoffs Days 2.5, 3 and 4

Basically, the four teams playing in the National League Division Series are: 1) Roy Halladay and Cole Hamels v. the anonymous Reds and 2) Potential NL Rookie of the Year Buster Posey v. Potential NL Rookie of the Year Jason Heyward.

Buster Posey and Jason Heyward (with Buster Posey)...
Here's a cool New York Times story about them playing against each other as "schoolboys."

These West Coast games end so late and I owe you two stat lines on the Giants-Braves series in San Fransisco.

NLDS Game 1: Giants 1, Braves 0
W: Tim Lincecum (1-0), L: Derek Lowe (0-1)

NLDS Game 2: Braves 5, Giants 4 (in 11)
Series tied at 1
W: Kyle Farnsworth (1-0), L: Ramon Ramirez (0-1)
HR: ATL Rick Ankiel (1), SF Pat Burrell (1)

Most notably, Tim Lincecum struck out 14 batters in Game 1, and Fatty Panda Pablo Sandoval collided with baby Buster Posey in Game 2.

NLDS Game 2: Phillies 7, Reds 4
Phillies lead series 2-0
W: Jose Contreras (1-0), L: Aroldis Chapman (0-1)
HR: CIN Brandon Phillips (1), Jay Bruce (1)

I didn't watch this game either, but I heard it was sloppy. Here's fastest-pitch-ever-throwing Aroldis Chapman feeling sad about his first postseason appearance. He's only 22 and is listed as from "null, Cuba." What is "null, Cuba???"

Onto today's games...

ALDS Game 3: Rays 6, Rangers 3
Rangers lead series 2-1
W: Benoit (1-0), L: Oliver (0-1)
HR: TB Pena (1), Crawford (1), TEX Kinsler (2), Cruz (2)

Top: Texas closer Neftali Feliz after giving up a home run in the 9th inning
Bottom: B.J. Upton alone is 65% of why I can't stand the Rays

It looked, for a while, like Texas would win this game and sweep the Rays, but then that didn't happen. Bah Rangers. Boo Rays. I'm not cheering for either of these teams on principle, although it should be pretty obvious by now which team I REALLY hate.

ALDS Game 3: Yankees 6, Twins 1
Yankees sweep series 3-0
W: Phil Hughes! (1-0), L: Brian Duensing (0-1)
HR: NYY Thames (1), Swisher (1)

The Yankees come home.

Did anyone think that Minnesota could win at Yankee Stadium? I felt so sad for their starting pitcher, Brian Duensing (see below).

Sometimes, I think that it's not fair for the Yankees to be so successful and feel like it might be nice to let another team win the World Series this year. But then I remember how long the baseball season is and how sweet it is to spend all winter knowing that your team is #1. SORRY OTHER TEAMS. GO YANKEES!

Playoffs Day 2

Because I probably won't stay up long enough to tell you what happens in Game 1 of the Braves-Giants series in California, here's a recap of the two American League games that have already concluded.

Reigning Cy Young winner Tim Lincecum bumming
around in a much earlier time zone.

ALDS Game 2: Rangers 6, Rays 0
Rangers lead series 2-0
W: C.J. Wilson (1-0), L: James Shields (0-1)
HR: TEX Michael Young (1), Ian Kinsler (1)

Top: No other team's #2 is Derek Jeter
Middle: C.J. Wilson of the Texas Rangers
Bottom: Joe Maddon, Rays manager and eye-wear tastemaker, gets ejected
for trying to argue that his team isn't awful.

Maybe home field advantage doesn't mean anything when you play in a goofy dome and never sell out your games. After scoring just one run yesterday, the Rays were shut out by motor sports enthusiast C.J. Wilson and the Rangers' bullpen. They'll play their next game in Texas, where people actually like sports.

ALDS Game 2: Yankees 5, Twinzos 1
Yankees lead series 2-0
W: Andy Pettitte (1-0), L: Carl Pavano (0-1)
S: Mariano Rivera (2)
HR: MIN Orlando Hudson (1), NYY Lance Berkman (1)

Then again, the Minnesota Twins un-domed themselves this year and still got swept at home. Unlike the Rays, though, the Twins have a lot of fans and all of them were crying silent, Nordic tears by the 7th inning.

Top top: Carl Pavano used to look like an ordinary person.
Top bottom: Joe Mauer giving signs.
Bottom top: Handsome Andy Pettitte
Bottom bottom: Hell yeah, Curtis Granderson!

Carl Pavano's facial hair started getting really strange this year. I guess it helps him pitch, because he's been doing pretty well. Even with the help of a lucky mustache, though, it must be hard to go against a team that 1) has won almost three times as many World Series as any other team, 2) has a starting pitcher who's about to break the record for most-ever postseason wins, 3) has a closer who has already broken the record for most-ever postseason saves, and 4) used to pay you to get booed by its merciless fans. Sucks to be Carl Pavano. Sucks to be the Twins.

If nothing else, at least Twinkie-lovers won't have to watch their team get shut out of the ALDS at home this year. They'll have to watch it on TBS like every other baseball fan that couldn't afford to pay $89 to sit in the bleachers at Yankee Stadium.

The Mets should market the "watch baseball in New York" feel by selling tickets to watch home Yankee games on their Jumbotron. I would pay at least $25 to sit in one of those field level seats behind the dugouts, especially since they have A+ sports food. I would even pay $40 if they got actual people to stand on the field and mime the games in real time. Someone get Mr. Met on the phone and make this hapen.

Playoffs Day 1

ALDS Game 1: Rangers 5, Rays 1
W: Cliff Lee (1-0), L: David Price (0-1)
HR: Nelson Cruz (1), Bengie Molina (1), Ben Zobrist (1)

Cliff Lee had a great outing for the Rangers, but no one cares because later in the evening, Roy Halladay pitched a no-hitter for the Phillies. Doc walked one, preventing what would have otherwise been his SECOND perfect game of the season.

NLDS Game 1: Phillies 4, Reds 0
W: Roy Halladay (1-0), L: Edison Volquez (0-1)

This was his first-ever start in a post-season game. I am very, very afraid of the Phillies.

ALDS Game 1: Yankees 6, Twins 4
W: C.C. Sabathia (1-0), L: J. Crain (0-1)
S: Mariano Rivera (1)
HR: Michael Cuddyer (1), Mark Teixeira (1)

This was an unnerving game to watch, as the Twins held a 3-0 lead until a 4-run rally put the Yankees ahead in the 6th inning. Then, C.C. immediately loaded the bases and walked in the tying run. Mark Teixiera hit the go-ahead 2-run homer in the 7th inning and then everything was fine. This was the Twins' 7th consecutive postseason loss to the Yankees. 2010 SWEEP REDUX.

What's a Joe Mauer?

Congratulations to Minnesotan Joe Mauer for winning this year's AL MVP award! Mauer received 27 of 28 first-place votes from the Baseball Writer's Association of America. The lone dissenter voted for Miguel Cabrera. While the world may never know who dared to snub the universally beloved Twinkie catcher, I have my suspicions....

My computer won't let me upload a photo of Joe Mauer. Could my radiant aura of Jeter fidelity be causing this mechanical malfunction? Okay, fine, let's not get mystical. It won't let me upload ANY photos. So, for now, those who don't already know will just have to wonder...WHAT'S A JOE MAUER? (wording via)

Sorry for being remiss in my awards blogging. It's kind of pointless to do it without pictures. But as a placeholder:

PLEASE CONGRATULATE YOUR 2009 NL CY YOUNG AWARD WINNER, TIM LINCECUM!

[photo of awkwardly flexible young white dude in a Tony Hawk for PS2-esque outfit getting arrested on marijuana charges and subsequently lauded by the entire city of San Fransisco...you nutty hippies]

PLEASE CONGRATULATE YOUR 2009 AL CY YOUNG AWARD WINNER, CC SABATHIA!

Psyche! He didn't win this award! [intense close-up photo of Zack Greinke looking deep into your soul and disapproving strongly of its contents]

SILVER SLUGGERS: AL EDITION

blah blah blah Derek Jeter blah blah

SILVER SLUGGERS: NL EDITION

[photo of some dude][photo of some dude][photo of some dude][photo of some dude] [photo of some dude]

Wow, this may be the rudest thing I've ever done to the internet! A sincere celebratory post with pictures forthcoming, I promise.

DAY 3: Semi-Wrap

Yankees win. Twins lose. Angels win. Red Sox lose.  Whoahohohohohohoh.

Day 1 Wrap-Up

WELCOME TO THE PLAYOFFS!

ALDS GAME 1: YANKEES WIN! YANKEES WIN!

Yankees 7, Twins 2

W: Sabathia (1-0)

L: Duensing (0-1)

HR: NYY Jeter (1), Matsui (1)

Top: Captain Clutch; Middle: Sorry, you lost. 

Bottom: Crazy in Love v. Crazy Love Vol. II

NLDS GAME 1: DODGERS WIN! DODGERS WIN!

Dodgers 5, Cardinals 3

W: Weaver (1-0)
L:  Carpenter (0-1)

S: Broxton (1)

HR: LADreamboat Kemp (1)

Top: Man Mountain high-five; Bottom (L): Cards huddle, (R) Pujols can't deliver

NLDS GAME 1: Phillies win. Whatever.

Phillies 5, Rockies1

W: Lee (1-0)
L: Jiminez (0-1)

Top: Bacon Brothers Salute America; Middle: Cliff Lee Suceeds

Bottom: Rockies on the bench looking sad

Twinkies Win to Die Another Day

Kei's exposition on the evil Twinkies had me hoping for a Tigers victory last night.  Alas, after 12 pulse-accelerating innings, Minnesota got one last win for the Metrodome and fully extinguished Detroit's postseason fire. Hey Twins, laugh it up whilst you can...

Carlos Gomez jumping triumphantly; Justin Morneau drowning in victory

...because you're gonna get yours in the ALDS. I mean, at least we hope you will.

(NOBODY JINX THIS)