Jenni has requested that I write about the Detroit Tigers here. I am
grateful for the opportunity to articulate my thoughts about this
postseason, because they are all over the place! I can't recount what
happened in the ALCS Game 1 except that it involved a rain delay and the
Tiger's Justin "MustSeeTV" Verlander was defeated by the Texas Ranger's
C.J. "str8edgeracer" Wilson. You'll mostly get my feelings for the
Tigers' endeavors so far, a little bit of recapping Game 2, and some
other random, likely irrelevant, notes. A follow-up post to this one may or may not be called for.
I was greatly pleased to see the Tigers clinch the AL
Central division, and I was even more pleased to see the regular season
end with Miguel Cabrera as the league's batting champ with an average of
.344. I was sorry that the (my) Tigers eliminated the (Jenni's)
Yankees, but the Tigers did it, and by "it" I mean "narrowly get by." I
don't feel like looking up numbers but I get the impression that the
Tigers are not producing offensively this postseason. Whereas I
distinctly remember people talking (tweeting) about Robinson Cano's
threat to every Tigers pitcher, and a game where the Yankees scored 9
runs against the Tigers. Moreover, most of my Twitter feed seems filled with
pitching information, like how Justin Verlander probably angered a
weather god (a.k.a.
Tom Skilling)
or the difference between Jose Valverde's ERA in save and non-save
situations (something like well under 1 and just under 7, respectively).
Also in my feed: constant concern about Tigers injuries, like Magglio
Ordonez's broken ankle and Delmon Young's tore up leg or whatever, which prevents him from throwing more than hitting. So, as much as I am rooting for a
Tigers vs. Brewers World Series in which the Tigers silence the pest
that is Nyjer Morgan*, rest Ryan Braun's
bush baby eyes**, and end Prince Fielder's tenure as a Brewer***, I am cautiously optimistic about Detroit's postseason.
I
have a hard time watching the Tigers in the postseason live, or
listening to the game on the radio, or even checking Twitter while the
game is on. It makes me so anxious. Until I see radio announcer
Dan Dickerson's fusillade of post-game tweets,
I feel like I will upset energy fields and ruin the game for
Detroit (someone has written about this topic in the philosophy of
physics; I'll get back to you about that when I figure out what quantum
mechanics is, which is never). But I am slowly getting over this. I sat
on the couch after coming home from an undramatic wisdom tooth
extraction and turned the TV on.
It had been left on FOX, so the ALCS Game 2 was on and the game was tied at
3-3. I resisted the urge to change the channel to food-related networks
and decided to watch the game. The Rangers had established 2 runs from
some doubles by Josh Hamilton and Adrian Beltre off of Max Scherzer, and
then Ryan Raburn had hit a 3-run homer off of starter Derek Holland.
Then Nelson Cruz homered, off of I think Maxwell, and by the time I
turned the TV on, Joaquin Benoit and the remains of his boil from the
Yankees series was pitching.
Here are some things that happened before I turned the TV on:
Ryan
Raburn brings V-Mart and Miggy home. I concur with the guy who
yelled "HEY CABRERA NICE HAIRCUT" during the Yankees series.
Leyland
looks like he's being bullied but refusing to succumb. I think there was a question as to whether
V-Mart had been hit by a pitch or if he hit the ball?
Miggy
slid home on this questionable play, but I think he was sent back to
third as the at-bat was ruled a HBP. Derek Holland looks like an overgrown junior high school kid who could probably be a little more into things.
Here is what I did observe on TV:
V-Mart had a chance to
bring the speedy Ramon Santiago home from third to untie the game, but
Elvis Andrus barely made this catch. He said it spun weird.
Nelson
Cruz was hit by a Jose Valverde pitch. He was hit in the wrist, then
chest. I was wondering if he had a collapsed lung. They might want to do
chest x-rays just to be sure! (But don't let a bogus nurse read it and send you home with extra-strength Tylenol and instructions to relax and take a bath, only to be called back to the hospital to get a chest tube inserted for a collapsed lung.)
At some point, this happened.
Andy Dirks misread the ball and did not catch it. I saw him looking into
his glove, like "Is it there?" No, it's on the ground behind you. The
ball appears to have hit Austin Jackson's leg, so it didn't get behind
them, which prevented a game-winning run. Maybe reliever Ryan Perry would have even preferred that kind of loss, because this loaded the bases for...
Bruised
Nelson Cruz, who hit the grand slam to end the game 7-3. I think this
is the best way to head to home plate after a walk-off grand slam, the
first in your team's postseason history. I know a lot of people like
small and smart ball, but I like big AL ball. This is my kind of win, but for the
WRONG TEAM.
One thing I have a hard
time understanding is how pitchers tolerate or manage the pressure they
can be under, particularly the relievers. What did Ryan Perry do on his
flight back to Detroit? In a postgame interview, Andy Dirks
seemed to take some of the responsibility of the loss by putting Perry
in a crappy spot. What did Dirks do on the plane home? Did they both
wear dunce caps and sit in the last row of the plane and serve everyone
on board?
These are some of the things I saw, but for which I unfortunately cannot provide photographic evidence:
-Nolan Ryan's rolling side eyes as he applauds Elvis Andrus' shaky catch, which FOX showed a total of three times and I saw on ESPN at least once later that night
-Terry Francona replacing Tim McCarver as a FOX commentator, sitting real close to Joe Buck with his arm around Buck's seat
-Josh Hamilton's reddish beard, which creeped me out a bit.
I
don't really have anything against the Rangers; I even kind of like
them. I like that Nolan Ryan watches the game from the park; I like Ron
Washington's face; I like the Dallas-Forth Worth area largely because of
Host of Hosts Dr. Teddy; Jorge Cantu was a Ranger briefly last year; I wanted them to win last year because I abhor Brian Wilson...and
there must be other random reasons. But I do not like Josh Hamilton's undeserved 2010 MVP title; I am getting sick of C.J. Wilson's tweets
though he seems like a genuinely nice and thoughtful guy (and he is
easy on the eyes); I get Elvis Andrus and Nelson Cruz confused all the
time; I don't like to see red in the postseason; and I don't like to see
the same teams year after year in the postseason. So, in my eyes,
Detroit must destroy the Rangers and move on to mow down the National
League team. I realize the AL teams always get home field advantage from
the All-Star games, so it's nice that the NL is finally getting their
chance, but I'm tired of it already. The underdog doesn't get much love
from me. But more than anything, I want Miguel Cabrera's talent to be fully
realized and recognized by everyone, I want Little V-Mart to rejoice,
and I want to see Jim Leyland cry.
---
*I kind of liked Morgan because I had him
on fantasy teams, but my loyalties immediately crystallized into the other direction when he was
involved in a brawl with some Marlins players towards the end of the
2010 season. Now, this may seem to be the case because I am 1 of what,
14? Marlins fans, but the more specific reason is because he seemed to
anger Marlins first baseman Gaby Sanchez. In defense of human skyscraping pitcher Chris Volstad, Gaby came from nowhere and CLOTHESLINED Morgan. My intuitions, entirely based
on Twitter†, tell me that Mr. Sanchez is a gentleman, so to incur his
wrath, I imagine one must have done something quite egregious.
†My
evidence: (1) He asked for pet picture tweets last year during the
off-season, and he replied diligently to every one. I tweeted a picture
of a young Mitsu, to which he replied "He is very cute!" or something
like that. (2) He even responds to Logan Morrison's stupid and sarcastic
tweets. Regarding a photo contest for free Marlins tickets held by Gaby
and his wife, LoMo tweeted with playful sarcasm, "Can I enter your
contest?!" Gaby responded sincerely (it seemed to me), "Sure, of
course." (3) Gaby and his wife seem to hang out with another Marlin
gentleman, Mike Stanton despite a six year age difference.
**I
don't dislike Ryan Braun but those eyes are worse than Emma
Pillsbury's. One reason why I don't dislike him is because he did not
express bitterness at Jose Reyes' decision to leave a game to maintain
his leading batting average. I like to believe that Braun has this
right: the Brewers are in the postseason, whereas the Mets are drenched
with bad karma, luck, everything, and that is a permanent state of
things. Also, Mets fans booed Reyes for his decision. Braun doesn't need
to stir that already messed-up pot.
***My
baseball holiday wish is that White Sox GM Ken Williams will pull one
of those "What the..." moves on the baseball industry by somehow dumping
Adam Didn't-Dunn-Did-It and picking up Prince Fielder.
Just kidding...he's still alive! Doesn't Lance Berkman look like the ultimate Casual Dad?
According to his Twitter, he's having a great time.
I have NO IDEA what this photo is! Asia is wild!
There were a lot of babies on the World Series podium this year, which felt new. Should we blame/credit Drew Brees? Lance Berkman got to carry the trophy because, despite having four daughters, he was childless through the awards ceremony. Babies are taking over the world and it scares me.
Most World Series championships are bittersweet-- they mean that baseball's over for the year and that we have to do other things, like play Fantasy Football and read books. Thanks very much for another memorable year, baseball. I love you. Thank you. Goodnight.
Well-defined eye lashes make people look famous.
You may think this is a Target ad, but it's not!
To reinforce the notion of Freese as wholesome,
I googled "David Freese little league" because
It's okay to have a DUI when you're still a teenager, right?
SPOT THE DIFFERENCE:
Albert Pujols usually points up at God when something good happens,
He was promptly mauled at home plate, where his jersey was ripped to shreds. It was a truly shocking celebration.
Everyone celebrate! We've got a Game 7!
As much as I like the gray, I'd also enjoy seeing Big Puma in a Just For Men commercial this winter. "Your beard is weird."
Sam, is Albert Pujols really a robot? Also, are you going to win the World Series?
Miguel Cabrera's interview...the bottom image reminds me of ninth-grade English class.
Justin Verlander reacting to Nelson Cruz's home run (1 + 2), then performing a victory dance (3).
The Tigers hit a single, a double, a triple and a home run in order in the sixth inning. The Detroit radio announcers referred to this as a "natural cycle." Amazing, right? I was rooting for this team and now they're gone. It doesn't matter if you can hit for a natural cycle. The universe will still make you lose to the Texas Rangers and no one will understand why.
Because didn't this year of milestone accomplishments and improbable comebacks necessitate a 28th World Series championship? Shouldn't the forces behind the Red Sox collapse have compelled the Yankees to victory, in a seesaw of karmic momentum?
At least they didn't have it as bad as the Phillies, who had to watch Ryan Howard lie in the dirt as the Cardinals amassed on their infield, tearing off their jerseys and chanting "Happy Flight."
Baseball isn't over. I've been monitoring every game. I'm rooting for a Brewers-Tigers World Series. And after that happens, baseball will be over for a while, but not forever. Not for very long, even, when you think about it. Maybe I'll finish my "Derek Jeter in Trenton" essay and start my Cole Hamels video masterpiece in the meantime.
