I was hoping that Mercury being in retrograde would cause a cosmic malfunction that would send Cole Hamels to the Yankees. Because the universe doesn't exist to please me, this happened instead:
Luckily, I love Ichiro and am perfectly fine with this bizarre rupture from The Way Things Were. Cole, just please don't go to the Rangers and I'll survive.
Where will Ichiro live in New York? Or will he move to NEW JERSEY?