Cole Hamels May Never Win Again

For about a month now, I've been obsessed with Cole Hamels' next win. When will it ever come? Did you know that he's 7-11 for the season and broke his seven game losing streak tonight by earning a NO DECISION against the ASTROS? The Phillies have scored ONE RUN over his last TWENTY-SIX innings.

The saddest part is that his pitching has been 90% okay and 10% very good. Cole, I'm sorry, but it's obvious that your teammates hate you.


At this point, even the internet hates you. When I Google imaged "Cole Hamels," this is what happened:

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Oh Cole, what are you going to do if you go winless through September? What are you going to do if you somehow make the playoffs and still can't get any run support?

I have an idea. I have two ideas, even. One is move to New York and play with the Yankees. The other is move to a tropical moon deep in outer space and become the first human transplant to the Alien Baseball League.

Because, like Kei and Lil Wayne said last year, they sent us Nick Swisher and it's time to return the favor.

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:)

The moon, Cole, the moo-oo-oon.

Alien Baseball

I like to sift through Yahoo baseball photos everyday and save the ones I like. Today they put up a low-quality picture of Swisher at the NYSE this morning, which I refused to post on this blog. I googled more photos of this event, and ended up with this kind of boring video from the official NYSE website. (Who are those little girls towards the end of the video? Swisher fans? Stock brokers or whatever they're called?) Nick Swisher is going to save our economy!

Today I also came across Lil Wayne's blog on ESPN. He claims to have an ESPN tattoo; that's how serious he is about writing. After writing about the NBA playoffs, he says of Swisher:

Shout out to Nick Swisher for being amazing. That dude came in and pitched lights out against the Rays, and now whenever the Yankees pitchers are getting roughed up the crowd chants "We want Swisher," which is amazing. I understand Nick Swisher, because he is an alien from another planet like me. That dude is not really a human being. For a position player to come into a major league ballgame and do that? Come on. Alien.

Aliens! I believe Alexei is also an alien, but of the planet where they bat horribly and have slow seasonal starts.

After seeing him on TV a few times, I still can't believe how tiny and narrow he is. I still can't believe he's batting .149, either. Cuban Missile Crisis! He's benched on my fantasy team this week, but I cheer him on in my heart.