Postseason Banter

I miss this sight.

A couple of nights ago, in bed and on my iPhone, I watched a condensed Marlins game from May or June, in which Dan Uggla hit his 100th home run. I realized late in the season that the Florida announcers say of him every time he goes long, "And his name is DAN UGGLA!" One announcer starts the sentence and the other joins to say the name. I kind of fell in love with this tomfoolery*. It's reminiscent of Hawk's White Sox home run cheers, except Steve Stone doesn't join him for the "yes! yes! yes!" part like Darrin Jackson used to. Anyway, my point is that I miss the days where I had a choice of which crappy teams to fall asleep to in condensed game format.

I was hoping for a Freeway Series where LA would be the focus of the World Series. Initially, exhausted from fantasy drama, I wasn't interested in the postseason teams. But then I decided I had the most interest in the Angels because of Nick Adenhart. Alas, the World Series will be divided along the east coast, and as of now, I can only really root for individual players: Jenni's Cano, former White Sox Swisher, Japanese Matsui, CC "He's 300 pounds, he can pitch all day!"** Sabathia, and J-Rolls only because I saw adorable childhood photos in those "Beyond Baseball" commercials. But then it looks like I'm basically rooting for the Yankees, which I guess in a sense I am since I want to see many of them do well. But I also don't feel like I'm genuinely rooting for the entire team, either, which would be unfair--to the Yankees, real Yankees fans, my preferred teams, and so on. I think at this point I'm just thankful that baseball is still going on, even if it means setting Glee aside for two weeks.

Though, I will say in defense of the Yankees that accusations of them having "bought" the World Series are trite. The Yankees are the Kraft of baseball; I thought this was an obvious axiom in sports and it's so obnoxious that it comes up again and again, whether the Yankees win or lose. But along with those who are tired of seeing the Yankees succeed over the course of baseball history (or many of the same teams reappearing in postseasons as of late), I will say that I can't wait until some buster team blows up in the second half of a future season and surprise us all by taking the World Series. Pirates, Reds, Marlins anyone?

GO BASEBALL! And Jenni's awesome postseason journalism!

*"Right before Uggla's first season with Florida in 2006, the Marlins had a dinner/banquet function to introduce the players for the upcoming season (and to raise money). Upon introducing Uggla, the speaker mispronounced his name. Immediately, Dan's brother stood up from the back and shouted 'His name is Dan UGGLA!'" (sufficient source)
**Writing this phrase out doesn't do it justice. Please ask me in person to impersonate a man named Amit claiming, in a heated argument with Joe, that CC Sabathia is a better pitcher than Tim Lincecum and I will gladly comply.

Miggy Miggy Miggy

On Friday, the White Sox played the Tigers in Detroit. The White Sox won behind Jake Peavy, 8-0. Nice investment. Anyway, later that evening, reports are saying that Tigers first baseman Miguel Cabrera went out "partying" with the White Sox. He then seems to have gone home smashed early in the morning. His wife called the police, who arrived at Miggy's home for a "family disturbance." Miggy went downtown, where Tigers GM Dave Dombrowski later picked him up. The Free Press says that since both Miggy and his wife were "aggressors," he was released. I knew that the only person who would attack a 6'4", 240lb professional athlete would be his wife. What idiot in the Detroit area would and could attack Miggy at the facial range!? *Screams like Carleton Banks*

I have to say, I'm somewhat surprised at the fact that all of this doesn't bother me so much. I think the scars will go away, thank goodness, but I tend to think that what Miggy does in his own Birmingham home is his business, and what we know of his business comes from vague police reports and speculations. If the drama at home affects his at-bats, and he, for instance, goes 0-7 in the next two games against the White Sox, that's disappointing. But it's not disappointing because he may have hit his wife or his wife clearly cut him up real good and his soul may be in pain, it's disappointing because it's for sure an OH-FER-SEVEN when the Tigers needed to win both of those games to clinch the AL Central. Now they're going to waste a perfectly good outing from Ricky P (Rick Porcello) against the Twinkies tomorrow.

I'll get back to the Twins in a minute. I want to know which White Sox players count as his "buddies." It must be the older folks, even Ozzie? And maybe Gordon Beckham got to come out because he's a monster-in-training at third, just as Miggy once was. I'm mad that I was not invited to party with the White Sox and Miguel Cabrera in Detroit. That's messed up that I wasn't present. I was just sleeving and collating baseball cards, watching a very mediocre Martin Lawrence stand-up movie with Mordecai and Joe! Coulda called us up! If the party didn't end until the wee hours of the morning, we would've made it to Detroit in time! I know my way around (sort of)!

But the more I think about how things turned out, the more suspicious I become. Here comes my speculation. The Twins are evil. Look at these faces.

Look at his smirk; Kubel is pure evil. Cuddyer looks like a rosy-cheeked, chipper dude, but look at those glassy eyes. Oh hell no. And Ron Gardenhire? He's an agent of the devil, the mastermind behind all of this. He is the Darth Vader of baseball. He probably eats babies for breakfast. OK, maybe I'm pushing this a little too far.

Obviously, someone fixed the nature of things to ensure that Miggy's White Sox "buddies" would go out with him the night after the first game and the night before the last two all-important games. Having somehow triumphed over The Zack Greinke, the Twins knew they were merely stanky-ass-breaths away from a chance at the AL Central. It's the Royals. THIS WAS FIXED, I KNOW IT!!! THE TWINKIES MUST BE STOPPED!!! Everyone, make some noise for the handsome rookie Ricky P (Rick Porcello) on Tuesday!!! GO TIGERS, EVEN IF THEY MAKE IT PAST THE EVIL TWINS AND GET OBLITERATED IN THE POSTSEASON!