Wanged

Rather than gloat about Dwayne Wise's clutch hitting, or the newest holiday in Illinois, I thought it was worth mentioning that my favorite Yankees pitcher (read: not a loser) and Taiwan's favorite son is out for the season!


Via AP:

Noted orthopedist Dr. James Andrews performed the procedure Wednesday to repair what Yankees manager Joe Girardi said was a tear in the capsule. The team is awaiting reports from the surgery before setting a potential timetable for Wang's return next year.

Get well! At he's not vomiting constantly like some people.

***

From the Buerhle article: apparently to serve in the Illinois State Legislature all you have to be is a "modest, hardworking team-player". Tell that to Barack Obama, jerk.

Seven Pounds of Vomit

I realize that it's more than slightly gross to follow yesterday's "All-You-Can-Eat Farm Game" post with something titled, "Seven Pounds of Vomit," but my devotion to Grady Sizemore compels me to share this information, no matter how tasteless. From Yahoo! Sports:

Update: Sizemore (illness) missed his second consecutive game on Tuesday, the Cleveland Plain Dealer reports.

Recommendation: Sizemore has lost seven pounds due to the illness but though he might be available for late-inning duties on Tuesday. “I got on the plane and spent the whole flight throwing up,” said Sizemore. “I still feel weak.” Consider him day-to-day for now.

Wipe that...grin off your face.

Grady was back in the lineup last night, going 0 for 4 and further precipitating my Fantasy team's plunge into the void of irreversible awfulness. Aw, was that mean? I'm sorry, Grady. I love you and your seven pounds of vomit. Get well soon!

All-You-Can-Eat Farm Game, August 13th*

Hi friends! After months of separation, Sam and I were reunited last week by fate, sausage and Eric Holt. To celebrate the occasion, we decided to meet again in about two weeks. Fate, sausage and Eric Holt will be there this time around, as well.

Please join us for the first annual Third Base or Bust Staten Island Yankee event on Thursday, August 13th at 7pm. If all goes as planned, we'll get to drink tall boys on the ferry, eat a bazillion hot dogs, put our group name in lights on the scoreboard (exact phrasing pending...for some reason, Sam seems to think that "THIRDBASEORBUST" won't make it past the decency committee), and see some fireworks.

Oh, and we all get hats.

Beth and I plan on dressing like pre-teens so that we can run the bases after the game.* Not sure if this will work for any of the rest of you, but you're welcome to try!

In any case, email Sam or me if you'd like to come. BELIEVE US, WE WANT YOU THERE.

And finally, Dodger fans don't know crap about evaluating attractiveness. CASEY BLAKE #4? NOT EVER, NO WAY, GET A CLUE.**

*In my excitement, I incorrectly listed the date as "Thursday, August 15th," which would not be this year. Also, I forgot that I can't run. Beth will run around the bases and I will hobble after her.
**I want to add that this paragraph prompted a very funny but wrong-minded email response, which was titled, "Casey Blake should be ranked no higher than third," and read, "You're just blinded by your farmlust. Those LA women are different animals." WTF does farmlust have to do with it? Casey Blake is from Des Moines! It's a city, Matt.

burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrls PART 2

I realize that Jenni beat me to the punch on this, but I wanted to chime in because:

1. although I haven't been following the Sox that much this year, they are purportedly my favorite team;
2. Mark Buehrle is a fun pitcher to watch because he pitches very quickly; and
3. I happened to be in Chicago this week where Mark Buerhle is being treated like deity by even Cubs fans.

In light of his pretty spectacular performance I am a little hesitant to criticize Burrrls on his looks. However, I would like to point out that although many team have started to do that shaving cream in the face after games, the White Sox have been doing it forever and for whatever it's worth Buerhle seems to have a great sense of humor. Or at least Toby Hall does.

congrats to Buerhle - although to be honest I'm not sure why he would feel it's necessary to buy stuff for everyone on the team. Via AP:

In addition to responding to the dozens of well-wishers, Buehrle also was trying to figure out what to buy his teammates and coaches as a reward.

He got watches for everybody after the no-hitter against the Rangers.

This time around, he's considering cuff links and tie clips. He's also thinking of having a painting made from a still photo of Wise's spectacular grab.

Don't these guys make millions of dollars themselves? The painting idea is pretty sweet though - Maybe he can get this guy to do it.

New Grady Sizemore Photograph Finally Taken

The Getty photographers have begrudgingly broken their ban on creating and distributing images of Grady Sizemore. Here he is rounding the bases after a solo home run in the first inning of yesterday's Mariners-Indians game.


That face says so much. Friends, if you've ever had high expectations shattered or long-held hopes continually deferred, the face of perma-slumping, first-round fantasy draft pick Grady Sizemore should hold symbolic resonance. If someone hadn't swiped my copy of "Mythologies," I'd end with a snippet of pervy French philosophy, but alas, we'll have to do without this Monday morning.

DO BETTER THIS WEEK, GRADY. GET MORE HITS. MAKE MORE PICTURES.

Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrls

Mark Buerhle pitched a perfect game today. Can you imagine what it's like to be A.J., who did not catch Buerhle today? What's it like to be Josh Fields, losing third base to Gordon Beckham everyday, but taking over Captain Paulie for today, and then hitting that grand slam and later holding the ball that Alexei threw to get the third out in the 9th? What if BRIAN ANDERSON was in center field in lieu of Dewayne Wise? Did Ken "Hawk" Harrelson explode while announcing the game? WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE SOUTHPAW (see middle right edge of photo; I realize Mordecai beat me to in his rarely-used Twitter, but only by a minute)?

All is One, One is All, All is Love

Just kidding. This morning, there are definitely some people who are #1 and some people who aren't.

LOSERS

WINNERS

Yankees fans (if there are, in fact, any of you out there), stand tall today, because who knows what will happen tonight.

Growing Up, Getting Old

"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow / Creeps in this petty pace from day to day..."

As always, time has continued to pass and things have continued to happen. Last week's All-Star game marked the season's midpoint and heightened awareness of our unrelenting march towards October ball. The Yankees got swept by the Angels, the Red Sox stepped ahead in the AL East standings, and 21-year-old Clayton Kershaw of the Dodgers announced his impending manhood by sprouting some sort of chinstrap beard:

Douchey facial hair is a baseball tradition, but, with one notable exception, I've managed to keep my fantasy team relatively well-groomed:

Lights-out closer and possible goat-man Ryan Franklin, of the Cards.
Click here for a video of him talking about that thing.

Despite lowering the average attractiveness rating for Ladies Love Us, Clayton has been the ace of my pitching staff this month: 37 innings pitched, 5 wins, 34 strikeouts, 0.73 ERA and 0.95 WHIP. Wait, let me say that again. THIRTY-SEVEN INNINGS PITCHED, 0.73 ERA. Remember his days of being wild on the mound? Sometimes growing up can be a good thing.

"...To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death."

Up in the Bronx, lefty reliever Phil Coke is celebrating his 27th birthday and the Bombers have just dusted off some ghosts for the annual Old-Timers day. "I can't remember being 27," lamented long-time Yankees radio announcer Suzyn Waldman. Me neither, Suzyn, me neither. Except for that one day last year when Mike Mussina got his 20th win of the season. That was emotional! Here he is waving to the crowd as an official Old-Timer:

I love you, Mike Mussina!

And here's a photo of some other old dude:

And finally, another member of the Yankee dynasty celebrated his 60th birthday yesterday:

Congratulations on being so old, Joe Torre. Please come back to New York!

White Sox Meet & Greet

Mordecai, Joe, and some other friends and I were able to attend the First Annual FansEdge Sports Memorabilia Show out in Rosemont, Illinois yesterday. There was free admission, a chance to win a free Pete Rose autograph, and it was White Sox Day! Mordecai and I had decided earlier in the week to get Harold Baines, Josh Fields, and Alexei Ramirez autographs, and I decided at the last minute to get Chris Getz's autograph because he's adorable. Mordecai also won the green Pete Rose ticket and got an autograph on a baseball. Anyway, I felt it was my duty to report to TBB readers what these folks looked like in person.

Alexei is not that weird-looking off the field. His proportions are still kind of off--you can't tell in the photo above, but his head looked small while his shoulders looked kind of broad and muscular, and then his forearms looked kind of short, but not gangly like one might think judging from his looks on the field. I guess that sounds like he's categorically weird-looking, but he didn't look like an alien, a lizard, or a chipmunk. He just looked like a thin Cuban dude, I guess. I think he'd look good in a white suit and matching fedora. I forgot to tell him that I like how he spins before he throws, though I'm not sure he would've understood me.

Oh wait, he looks totally alien/lizard/chipmunk-like here! And I shook his hand. He had a cool, reptilian, weak handshake!

That's Dan, asking if he can take a photo with him. Communication was successful! Mordecai just took pictures without waiting for a response.

Here I am with second baseman Chris Getz. He had a strange shirt on, like he was gonna go clubbing after the signing. I think he looks a lot better than Gordon Beckham, who looks like a combination of Seann William Scott, a.k.a. Stifler from "American Pie," and Ben McKenzie of "The O.C." fame. A bad combination, in my opinion.

Speaking of Gordon Beckham, who was not present at this event, here I am with Josh Fields. Josh Fields doesn't get as much playing time anymore because Our Supposed Savior, Gordon Beckham, is here to lead the White Sox into the glory days.

While I'm at it, I should post this funny picture of first base coach Harold Baines looking at me.

And finally, here is Pete Rose and his girlfriend from the Josh Fields line:

I found it strange and interesting that she looked better the closer you got to her. I hope Pete is happy. I know I'm happy with all these autos, photos, and baseball cards!

Evil Empire On the Move

"Every year of my childhood this is the weekend when the Yankees decide they're not going to lose another game for the rest of the fucking season. I hope this isn't one of those years."

-Red Sox fan Reid to Jenni, via text on July 10th, 2009

Reality Check

On Sunday, MLB.com released the 2009 All-Star rosters. How did Third Base or Bust favorites fare? Let's start by quickly evaluating my revised Top Ten list from earlier this Spring.

10. Jacoby Ellsbury (Red Sox)

NOT AN ALL-STAR.

9. Ian Kinsler (Rangers)

FINAL VOTE CANDIDATE.

8. Clayton Kershaw (Dodgers)

NOT AN ALL-STAR. NOT EVEN CLOSE (this year).

7. Torii Hunter (Angels)

ALL-STAR RESERVE! Congratulations, Torii!

6. Matt Kemp (Dodgers)

FINAL VOTE CANDIDATE.

5. Ichiro Suzuki (Mariners)

ALL-STAR STARTER! Congratulations, Ichiro!

4. Casey Blake (Dodgers)

SADLY, NOT AN ALL-STAR. BOOOOOOOOOOO!

3. Derek Jeter (Yankees)

TEN TIME ALL-STAR, 2009 ALL-STAR STARTER AND #1 AL VOTE GETTER. Of course you are, Derek. Congratulations.

2. Grady Sizemore (Indians)

NOT AN ALL-STAR. Sorry about your bad year, Grady.

1. Robinson Cano (Yankees)

NOT AN ALL-STAR.

So, what have we learned? You can't be the best at everything. Unless you're Derek Jeter. More analysis of the actual rosters to follow, tomorrow.

Brewers vs. Cubs, 7/4/09

Another Jeff invited Mordecai and me to another Cubs game, this time against the Brewers. Like last time with the Dodgers, I bought a hat for the opposing team. I wore it with my chorizo shirt that I bought in Milwaukee a couple of years ago at Miller Park, to root for the relatively newly added chorizo in the sausage race when the Brewers play at home.

For this game, I had Fantasy interests in addition to personal interests. Prince Fielder has been doing good things as my first baseman, and I like Mike Cameron. Here he is fiddling with his bat and Fourth of July hat during "God Bless America" and the national anthem before the game.

(Click image for full size.)

Rich Harden pitched a hot mess for two innings, giving up five runs in the first. Casey McGehee was on fire. Here he is below with the Majestic Prince Fielder, who was intentionally walked twice.

The Cubs suck, and I'm not just saying this because I don't like them. Alfonso Soriano did not bat first, and went 0 for 4 somewhere in the butt end of the lineup. He was able to get on base because of a Brewer error. Here is his last at bat, GRABBING SOME BENCH.

There were many Brewers fans at the game. Here are some jovial Brewers fan, who seem to be taking Prince Fielder fan-dom seriously.

Brewers win, 11-2!

Here I am with my Brew Crew gear, kind of with the McDonald's employee across the street from Wrigley who had to wear baseball gear for game day. I had a Chicken McNugget Happy Meal.

I like to think that I bring opposing teams luck when I go to Cubs games and buy a hat for the opposing team. I also like to think that I'm just being a fan of baseball, but Mordecai says I'm a hater. I don't hate the Cubs, but they do kind of make me sick. Anyway, YAY BASEBALL! A fine way to spend the Fourth of July.

Independence Asserted; Manny Unimpressed and Unimpressive

Happy Fourth of July! Some clubs celebrated early by unleashing terrifying amounts of explosives into the air above their ballparks last night.

Chez les Rockies

Le ball field de Kansas City

Because I like loud noises, violence and Jell-O shaped flag cakes, the Fourth of July has always been one of my favorite holidays. I guess I like independence and freedom too, although come on, I've read enough Debord and Marcuse to know that FRIENDS, WE ARE NOT FREE. If anything, Major League Baseball feeds the spectacle of wealth, fantasy and endless entertainment that has placated our society with the illusion of unlimited choices and unrestricted happiness. But above loud noises, violence, and even Jell-O, I love baseball so I'm willing to not think about it for the time being. Whew. Play ball!

Last night, Manny Ramirez stepped to the plate for the first time since May. The crowd at San Diego's Petco Park was on their feet and, to quote Vin Scully, "cheering like it [was] the last out of the last game of the World Series." Which is not to say that the reception was entirely positive. Like Alex Rodruiguez before him, Manny was greeted by a fair amount of boos and signs reading "MANROID." Unlike A-Roid, Manny did not immediately smash a home run off the first pitch he saw. Here's a screenshot of him looking thoroughly unpsyched about his first at bat.


Despite Joe Torre's claim that, "It just feels like the atmosphere had little bubbles in it today," Manny seemed pretty glum throughout. First day jitters? He walked once before going 0/3 for the night.

"I still gotta wear this?"

"That thing is attacking me. This game is hard."

Good luck, Manny! I know you can do it!

Since we started with fire, we'll end with heat: Matt Kemp looking dreamy as always.

Have a good weekend, everyone!

Hello Again

10pm EST v. the Padres. He's back.