Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Heavy Breathing Best Batting Friends Forever

Since A-Rod's return, Mark Teixiera has been swinging a bat as hot as hellfire. If I were a diligent stats-keeper or a smart Googler, I'd prove it with numbers. As it stands, you're just going to have to trust me. Here's the power-hitting duo hanging out on Memorial Day.

Jesus Christ, A-Rod. Could you be any more frightening? I bet his inner monologue is just one long hiss of "MUSSSSST WINNNNs." Teixiera, on the other hand, always seems to be thinking, "Huh?" Looking at him makes me feel kind of uncomfortable...as if I can sense somewhere deep in the recesses of my rarely consulted moral core that I shouldn't make fun of him as much as I know I want to (i.e. tons). I will, however, make fun of him a little bit because, come on, HE IS WEIRD! Here's two fairly recent photos of him getting ready to bat. Is he dancing? Playing air guitar? You tell me.

Earlier this year, I wrote a post about Manny Ramirez and Mark Teixeira and Phil commented that Teixeira looked like he "breathed through his mouth." You may be on to something, Phil, because, like that one gas station in Grinnell, Teixeira's mouth is Almost Always Open. "HUH?"

And finally, because I have no qualms whatsoever about hating on A-Rod, here's one more photo of him looking absolutely ridiculous as he rounds the bases in Texas.

SO, SO EVIL! A-ROD IS EVIL. GO YANKEES. KEEP WINNING. Fellow Yankee fans, someday we'll all be in Hell and A-Rod will be our cruel king.

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