Friday, April 24, 2009

Here Comes Man Mountain!

It's a bit strange that Kei blogged about aliens yesterday, because I woke up this morning thinking about how much Jonathan Broxton of the L.A. Dodgers looks like Big Foot WITHOUT HAVING READ HER POST. It's just a supernatural time of year, I suppose.

Anyway, I've been watching a lot of MLB.TV this week. Due to their black out rules and regional restrictions, I'm not allowed to watch the Yankees (or the Mets, but whatever), so I mostly watch the Dodgers and the Indians. I like seeing zombie manager Joe Torre lurch across the field to contest a close call and I like seeing Manny Ramirez try to jog the bases in those floppy pajama pants of his. And of course, I like being pleasantly surprised when Casey Blake gets a hit or Grady Sizemore hits a home run. I've also come to enjoy the beyond stupid commentary of the MLB.TV announcers. Last night, during a very close and not at all boring Dodgers-Astros game, the announcers spent an inordinate amount of time making fun of fans in the stands. And so, for a few minutes each, I got to watch a man in a pink tie talking on his cell phone behind home plate, two kids fighting over a hot dog, and an overweight woman wave her arms around in some sort of trance-like Astros rally dance. I felt closer to my fellow Americans than ever before.

Sadly for dance lady, the Dodgers shut the Astros down 2-0 by bringing in monster closer Jonathan Broxton in the 8th inning. As he prepared to take the mound, one of the TV announcers said, "HERE COMES MAN MOUNTAIN." At first I thought, "Well, that's rude." Then, I thought, "Oh my God, it's true." And then I thought, "I hope that, at some point in my life, I have an occasion to yell HERE COMES MAN MOUNTAIN at someone and not get brutally beaten down as a result." A girl can dream.

But back to Broxton...he's 26 years old, 6'4" and 290 lbs. (supposedly). He routinely throws a 99 mph fastball and in 2007, struck out 99 people in 83 games. Crazy! I've been thinking a lot about how he probably goes home and unzips his human skin costume to reveal his true sasquatch self:


Finally, I'd like to thank Kei for publicly acknowledging what I've known for months: Alexei Ramirez LOOKS WEIRD. I did not know, however, that Nick Swisher was an alien, so thanks, Kei and Lil Wayne, for that bit of news, as well.

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