Monday, April 27, 2009

Fourth Base and Bust

Widely recognized as the most attractive player in his franchise, Jacoby Ellsbury earned a different (though no less valuable) kind of acclaim last night, when he stole home plate beneath the weary eyes of aging pitcher Andy Pettite and cranky catcher Jorge Posada. The Red Sox went on to win the game 4-1 and sweep the series.

According to Wikipedia, Ellsbury was born in Oregon in 1983 and is "the first Native American of Navajo descent to reach the Major Leagues." This year, he was one of the 10 former and current MLBers caught up in the Stanford ponzi scheme (future real-estate agent and eternal caveman Johnny Damon was another). Here's an interesting Sports Illustrated article on why pro-athletes go bust. Included therewithin is this gem about Angels dreamboat Torii Hunter:
About five years ago, Hunter says, he invested almost $70,000 in an invention: an inflatable raft that would sit under furniture. The pitch was that when high-rainfall areas were flooded, consumers could pump up the device, allowing a sofa to float and remain dry. "The guy I invested with came back and wanted me to put in more, about $500,000," Hunter says. "Then I met [Butowsky], who just said, Hell no! I wound up never seeing that guy—or any of my money—again."
Inflatable furniture rafts. I'm going to give Torii the benefit of the doubt and assume that the prototype drawings (if any exist) aren't as ridiculous as I'm imagining them to be.

Hunter endorsing other kinds of responsible behavior

Hunter has been having a hot streak at the plate, recently, so it just goes to show that losers win, winners lose, home-stealers get robbed and life is weird. The Yankees are rolling on into Detroit today to face the second least attractive team in the American League. Better luck this time, boys.

1 comment:

  1. Andy Pettite looks like a cross between JAVIER BARDEM and JEFF GOLDBLUM. I had been thinking for a while he reminded me of someone from Hollywood, and I was having fun playing the Jeopardy song in my head while I tried to figure it out. Last night I had an epiphany after staring at Yahoo photos of him.

    He looked soooo horrified, like his mother just yelled at him real bad, when Ellsbury BURGLARIZED his shit. That was nuts! Jorgie! What were you doing, trying to grow a chin?