Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Derek Jeter Will Save America

Since graduating from high school in 1992, Derek Jeter has only played for two sports franchises: The New York Yankees and The United States of America. Today, Captain of Our Country suited up against the Evil Empire in a pre-World Classic warm up game. I can't tell you who won because I can't figure out how to make the internet tell me whether or not they're still playing.* Whatever.

Jeter for Mayor: "Vote for me in 2013."

I've said it before and I'll say it again: one day, Derek Jeter will be the mayor of New York City. His sublimely more-boring-than-boring, so-normal-except-for-when-he-dated-Mariah-Carey personality has "future politician" written all over it.

Personally, I can't wait. I will vote for you, Derek Jeter. In fact, I hereby pledge to abandon whatever I may be doing in 2013 to run your campaign. In preparation, I've made you a poster. How could we lose? WE CANNOT LOSE.

*UPDATE: The Yankees lost.

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