Friday, March 27, 2009


Filled with teams I never pay attention to I was excited for the chance to see who actually played for Dodgers and to see what players were left from the NL champ Rockies team that I sort of paid attention to a couple years ago. I also knew I was going to have to deal with some prejudices that I feared would easily catapult the Dodgers into the number one spot...

Obviously number one with a team average of 5.125 was the Los Angeles Dodgers.

While I'm not totally on board with this site, which claims that Casey Blake is "actually the son of our Lord," he may be. Enough has already been said. Manny has also been discussed at length, but deserves all of it.

While the combo of Casey Blake and Manny Rodriguez is a pretty strong duo, I was also surprised by some of the other supporting characters on the Dodgers, including...

Russell Martin and Brad Ausmus. At first I thought that Martin looked a little like a doppelganger of myself, but on second thought, not so much. Brad Ausmus looks like a rich man's Mark Prior.

I also wanted to highlight Delwyn Young and Andy LaRoche (former Dodger) who look like they would fit in great in Mannywood. Seen here hanging out of the Wrigley Field scoreboard.

However, like all teams, the Dodgers did have a couple scrubs. I am thinking specifically of pitcher Jason Schmidt.

That beard does not do not help with his oddly shaped head. Someone should tell him to either grow a mustache or shave that shit off!

At a respectable 2 is the Arizona Diamondbacks with an average of 4.84

Like Jenni, I agree that Justin Upton and Chris Young are obvious standouts on the team. But I would also like to add Eric Byrnes to that list.

I would also like to give a special shout out to Travis Blackley for the surprising smile in his official head shot.

But with the good comes the bad and for some reason there were several players on the Diamondbacks that seemed to have very odd shaped heads. Check it out for yourself:

From left: Tom Gordon, James Skelton, Tony Clark, and Jon Rauch

Jon Rauch doesn't really have an odd shaped head but I wanted to include him because of that ratty looking beard and that gross looking tattoo peaking around his neck.

Next on my list were the Colorado Rockies with a 4.62

It turns out I didn't know that many people from the 2007 Pennant-winning team. But, I wasn't really paying that much attention so I guess it's not that surprising.

The highlights: Troy Tulowitzki and Dexter Fowler

Fowler is up there for obvious reasons, but my attraction to Tulowitzki is deeply tied to how awesome it is that he uses that ratty short stop glove (pictured above).

Gross: Todd Helton and Huston Street (Balker)

I couldn't agree more with Jenni that HGH-er Todd Helton is gross and frankly his beard is unnaturally thick. No one connects that well! My low ranking of Huston Street is probably due to emotional reasons that I won't get into here. Lets just say that I don't think the way he pitches is legal.

At almost last place was the San Francisco Giants with an average of 4.58

I was tempted to pull out a picture of Barry Bonds, but apparently he's in jail or something. Here's my best of the Giants...

From left: Barry Zito and Merkin Valdez

Of course I think that Barry Zito is washed up and not that good at baseball, but it's probably because I'm jealous of his contract or something. He even Californized his hair with those tips. And Merkin Valdez. Look at that smile! Gets me everytime.

On the negative side the ubiquitos Randy Johnson, who apparently still plays baseball. He doens't looks as bad as the picture above any more, but he doesn't look that much better either. I have also included Jeremy Affeldt, who got on this shit list just because of that strange beard. It's not quite a soul patch, but not quite a goatee either. Shave that shit off!

Coming in last in my rankings were the San Diego Padres with an average of 4.33

Not too much to write home about this team, which I guess would be expected with their almost 100 loses last year. Not that winning games has anything to do with this blog.

highlights: Drew Macias and Edgar Gonzalez

I like Drew Macias's hair and I think that he falls into that category of people that I might be friends of. Edgar Gonzalez doesn't look that great, but it doesn't take much to stand out on a sub par team.

I also wanted to give a shout out to Heath Bell, who looks extremely stoned in this photo.

For the flip side I would like to highlight Brian Giles, who frankly looks a little like a Neanderthal. And Chris Young, is, well, no Chris Young of the Diamondbacks.

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