This is Mark Teixeira's Angry Face

Last night, after being hit twice by errant balls from Rangers pitcher and former clubhouse foe Vicente Padilla, an angry Mark Teixeira scored verbal retribution by telling Yankees beat reporters that Padilla is "unprofessional." Here are two photos of Teixeira's on-field reaction, courtesy of the Post and the Daily News:



I would say that Mark Teixeira lacks the ability to emote facially, but I've definitely seen him open his mouth REALLY WIDE when happy. So, I don't know. Maybe he's a new kind of humanoid that only transmits straight-laced positive vibes...a law-bot prototype designed by corporations to combat the free-wheeling, free-love mayhem inherent to the impending Age of Aquarius. I mean, what would YOU do if someone threw a blazing fastball at your ass?

But because I've already promised not to overly mock Teixiera on this blog (and honestly, I do love the guy), I'll end by admitting that many baseball players make strange faces. Here are two of the league's best closers celebrating narrow wins. First, we have Man Mountain attempting to jump for joy after preserving the Dodgers' amazing 8th inning comeback against the D'backs:

Both heels off the ground! I love Jonathan Broxton! Go Dodgers! And here's Jonathan Papelbon after getting himself out of a bases-loaded 0-outs situation against the Tigers in the 9th:

So scary, so gross. He needs to learn to CLOSE HIS MOUTH. I hate Jonathan Papelbon! Boo Red Sox!

Here Comes Man Mountain!

It's a bit strange that Kei blogged about aliens yesterday, because I woke up this morning thinking about how much Jonathan Broxton of the L.A. Dodgers looks like Big Foot WITHOUT HAVING READ HER POST. It's just a supernatural time of year, I suppose.


Anyway, I've been watching a lot of MLB.TV this week. Due to their black out rules and regional restrictions, I'm not allowed to watch the Yankees (or the Mets, but whatever), so I mostly watch the Dodgers and the Indians. I like seeing zombie manager Joe Torre lurch across the field to contest a close call and I like seeing Manny Ramirez try to jog the bases in those floppy pajama pants of his. And of course, I like being pleasantly surprised when Casey Blake gets a hit or Grady Sizemore hits a home run. I've also come to enjoy the beyond stupid commentary of the MLB.TV announcers. Last night, during a very close and not at all boring Dodgers-Astros game, the announcers spent an inordinate amount of time making fun of fans in the stands. And so, for a few minutes each, I got to watch a man in a pink tie talking on his cell phone behind home plate, two kids fighting over a hot dog, and an overweight woman wave her arms around in some sort of trance-like Astros rally dance. I felt closer to my fellow Americans than ever before.

Sadly for dance lady, the Dodgers shut the Astros down 2-0 by bringing in monster closer Jonathan Broxton in the 8th inning. As he prepared to take the mound, one of the TV announcers said, "HERE COMES MAN MOUNTAIN." At first I thought, "Well, that's rude." Then, I thought, "Oh my God, it's true." And then I thought, "I hope that, at some point in my life, I have an occasion to yell HERE COMES MAN MOUNTAIN at someone and not get brutally beaten down as a result." A girl can dream.

But back to Broxton...he's 26 years old, 6'4" and 290 lbs. (supposedly). He routinely throws a 99 mph fastball and in 2007, struck out 99 people in 83 games. Crazy! I've been thinking a lot about how he probably goes home and unzips his human skin costume to reveal his true sasquatch self:

Right?!

Finally, I'd like to thank Kei for publicly acknowledging what I've known for months: Alexei Ramirez LOOKS WEIRD. I did not know, however, that Nick Swisher was an alien, so thanks, Kei and Lil Wayne, for that bit of news, as well.