If CC Sabathia can lose 25 pounds simply by not eating an entire box of Cap'n Crunch for breakfast, what is this man doing wrong? Or rather, refusing to do right?
Showing posts with label fat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fat. Show all posts
Friday, February 25, 2011
This is a Professional Athlete
Is there any person who looks more like his or her name than Bartolo Colon does his?
If CC Sabathia can lose 25 pounds simply by not eating an entire box of Cap'n Crunch for breakfast, what is this man doing wrong? Or rather, refusing to do right?
If CC Sabathia can lose 25 pounds simply by not eating an entire box of Cap'n Crunch for breakfast, what is this man doing wrong? Or rather, refusing to do right?
Friday, April 24, 2009
Here Comes Man Mountain!
It's a bit strange that Kei blogged about aliens yesterday, because I woke up this morning thinking about how much Jonathan Broxton of the L.A. Dodgers looks like Big Foot WITHOUT HAVING READ HER POST. It's just a supernatural time of year, I suppose.
Anyway, I've been watching a lot of MLB.TV this week. Due to their black out rules and regional restrictions, I'm not allowed to watch the Yankees (or the Mets, but whatever), so I mostly watch the Dodgers and the Indians. I like seeing zombie manager Joe Torre lurch across the field to contest a close call and I like seeing Manny Ramirez try to jog the bases in those floppy pajama pants of his. And of course, I like being pleasantly surprised when Casey Blake gets a hit or Grady Sizemore hits a home run. I've also come to enjoy the beyond stupid commentary of the MLB.TV announcers. Last night, during a very close and not at all boring Dodgers-Astros game, the announcers spent an inordinate amount of time making fun of fans in the stands. And so, for a few minutes each, I got to watch a man in a pink tie talking on his cell phone behind home plate, two kids fighting over a hot dog, and an overweight woman wave her arms around in some sort of trance-like Astros rally dance. I felt closer to my fellow Americans than ever before.
Sadly for dance lady, the Dodgers shut the Astros down 2-0 by bringing in monster closer Jonathan Broxton in the 8th inning. As he prepared to take the mound, one of the TV announcers said, "HERE COMES MAN MOUNTAIN." At first I thought, "Well, that's rude." Then, I thought, "Oh my God, it's true." And then I thought, "I hope that, at some point in my life, I have an occasion to yell HERE COMES MAN MOUNTAIN at someone and not get brutally beaten down as a result." A girl can dream.
But back to Broxton...he's 26 years old, 6'4" and 290 lbs. (supposedly). He routinely throws a 99 mph fastball and in 2007, struck out 99 people in 83 games. Crazy! I've been thinking a lot about how he probably goes home and unzips his human skin costume to reveal his true sasquatch self:
Right?!
Finally, I'd like to thank Kei for publicly acknowledging what I've known for months: Alexei Ramirez LOOKS WEIRD. I did not know, however, that Nick Swisher was an alien, so thanks, Kei and Lil Wayne, for that bit of news, as well.
Anyway, I've been watching a lot of MLB.TV this week. Due to their black out rules and regional restrictions, I'm not allowed to watch the Yankees (or the Mets, but whatever), so I mostly watch the Dodgers and the Indians. I like seeing zombie manager Joe Torre lurch across the field to contest a close call and I like seeing Manny Ramirez try to jog the bases in those floppy pajama pants of his. And of course, I like being pleasantly surprised when Casey Blake gets a hit or Grady Sizemore hits a home run. I've also come to enjoy the beyond stupid commentary of the MLB.TV announcers. Last night, during a very close and not at all boring Dodgers-Astros game, the announcers spent an inordinate amount of time making fun of fans in the stands. And so, for a few minutes each, I got to watch a man in a pink tie talking on his cell phone behind home plate, two kids fighting over a hot dog, and an overweight woman wave her arms around in some sort of trance-like Astros rally dance. I felt closer to my fellow Americans than ever before.
Sadly for dance lady, the Dodgers shut the Astros down 2-0 by bringing in monster closer Jonathan Broxton in the 8th inning. As he prepared to take the mound, one of the TV announcers said, "HERE COMES MAN MOUNTAIN." At first I thought, "Well, that's rude." Then, I thought, "Oh my God, it's true." And then I thought, "I hope that, at some point in my life, I have an occasion to yell HERE COMES MAN MOUNTAIN at someone and not get brutally beaten down as a result." A girl can dream.
But back to Broxton...he's 26 years old, 6'4" and 290 lbs. (supposedly). He routinely throws a 99 mph fastball and in 2007, struck out 99 people in 83 games. Crazy! I've been thinking a lot about how he probably goes home and unzips his human skin costume to reveal his true sasquatch self:
Right?!
Finally, I'd like to thank Kei for publicly acknowledging what I've known for months: Alexei Ramirez LOOKS WEIRD. I did not know, however, that Nick Swisher was an alien, so thanks, Kei and Lil Wayne, for that bit of news, as well.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Birthday Love
Happy 26th birthday to Miguel Cabrera! The Tigers won today, 2-0 against the Mariners.
According to Yahoo, Miggy hustled home on a throwing error by Ichiro. Look at him work that fat magic! I love him.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Planet Andruw and Dodger Dogs
Because I know y'all like reading about fatties, here's an amazing bit of sports journalism from Brad Evans at Yahoo.com's Fantasy Baseball Weekly Rundown:
Last season, Andruw Jones' days in Dodger Land were highlighted by numerous whiffs and Pink's hot dogs. Many worried the once cherished outfielder's ballooned body was bound to float out into space, becoming a celestial entity the likes of which astronomers had never viewed before. Jupiter and Saturn feared they would become moons of Planet Andruw. But substituting bananas for burritos this past offseason, a slimmed-down Jones is on the brink of fantasy relevance again.
“I love home games. When I’m home, I go for the Super Dodger Dog
Last season, Andruw Jones' days in Dodger Land were highlighted by numerous whiffs and Pink's hot dogs. Many worried the once cherished outfielder's ballooned body was bound to float out into space, becoming a celestial entity the likes of which astronomers had never viewed before. Jupiter and Saturn feared they would become moons of Planet Andruw. But substituting bananas for burritos this past offseason, a slimmed-down Jones is on the brink of fantasy relevance again.
“I love home games. When I’m home, I go for the Super Dodger Dog because it’s 20% larger.” -Andruw Jones, 2008
Over-elongation aside, what's the big deal about Dodger Dogs? Having never been to L.A., I guess I'll just have to trust statistical data, such as Wikipedia's assertion that Dodger Stadium was the #1 hot dog consuming ball park in 2005. Here's the complete list of parks, ranked by number of hot dogs purchased:
Stadiums around the country offer a range of options to hot dog-hungry fans. Turner Field, home of the Atlanta Braves, dresses their Georgia Dog with coleslaw, chili and onion relish. Dolphin Stadium, home of the Florida Marlins, stocks its condiment carts with banana peppers. The Tampa Bay Rays’ Tropicana Field offers “The Heater,” which is served with spicy chili and shredded cheddar. Arizona Diamondback’s Chase Field has a specialty concession stand called “Big Dawgs,” which features five foot-long specialty hot dogs including the Arizona Dog with chorizo, cheese and tortilla chips and the Wisconsin Dog with mac and cheese and bacon bits. The Metrodome, stadium of the Minnesota Twins, is home to the “Dome Dog,” a black angus dog served hot off the grill with toppings made fresh daily. When the Chicago Cubs are in town, many teams will add the famous Chicago Dog to their menu for the series: a natural casing beef frank, served on a poppy seed roll topped, (or "dragged through the garden" as they say in the Windy City), with yellow mustard, sweet pickle relish, chopped onion, fresh tomato, pickle spear, sport peppers and a dash of celery salt.
Oh boy. This is a plea to anyone who attends a game this year: BLOG THOSE DOGS! For groups of 20 or more, $16/person gets you unlimited hot dogs at Staten Island Yankees games. A re-staging of Grinnell College's epic hot dog eating contest may be inevitable.
- 1. Dodger Stadium – 1,674,400
- 2. Coors Field – 1,545,000
- 3. Wrigley Field – 1,543,500
- 4. Yankee Stadium – 1,365,000
- 5. Minute Maid Park – 1,248,000
- 6. Edison Field – 1,133,000
- 7. HHH Metrodome – 850,000
- 8. Citizens Bank Park – 800,000
- 9. Shea Stadium – 745,000
- 10. U.S. Cellular Field – 495,000
Stadiums around the country offer a range of options to hot dog-hungry fans. Turner Field, home of the Atlanta Braves, dresses their Georgia Dog with coleslaw, chili and onion relish. Dolphin Stadium, home of the Florida Marlins, stocks its condiment carts with banana peppers. The Tampa Bay Rays’ Tropicana Field offers “The Heater,” which is served with spicy chili and shredded cheddar. Arizona Diamondback’s Chase Field has a specialty concession stand called “Big Dawgs,” which features five foot-long specialty hot dogs including the Arizona Dog with chorizo, cheese and tortilla chips and the Wisconsin Dog with mac and cheese and bacon bits. The Metrodome, stadium of the Minnesota Twins, is home to the “Dome Dog,” a black angus dog served hot off the grill with toppings made fresh daily. When the Chicago Cubs are in town, many teams will add the famous Chicago Dog to their menu for the series: a natural casing beef frank, served on a poppy seed roll topped, (or "dragged through the garden" as they say in the Windy City), with yellow mustard, sweet pickle relish, chopped onion, fresh tomato, pickle spear, sport peppers and a dash of celery salt.
Oh boy. This is a plea to anyone who attends a game this year: BLOG THOSE DOGS! For groups of 20 or more, $16/person gets you unlimited hot dogs at Staten Island Yankees games. A re-staging of Grinnell College's epic hot dog eating contest may be inevitable.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Kim, Tae-Kyun
Via Matthew, I wanted to highlight a certain player from the Korean national team, 1st baseman Kim Tae-Kyun, who helped Korea "power past Mexico" yesterday.
According to the roster he's listed at 6'0"; 220 lbs, which is big, if not quite the size of Milwaukee's bomber. But after looking at his belly above and the video available here, he has got to be bigger than that.
I'm thinking at least 250... Does that disqualify him from the attractive list? I'll leave that to more discerning eyes than mine.
According to the roster he's listed at 6'0"; 220 lbs, which is big, if not quite the size of Milwaukee's bomber. But after looking at his belly above and the video available here, he has got to be bigger than that.
I'm thinking at least 250... Does that disqualify him from the attractive list? I'll leave that to more discerning eyes than mine.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Fat Kid
It's true, Sam. Prince Fielder was going to be my pick, too. I mean, when literally a fat kid, he was in a McDonald's commercial. He's a favorite to be the brunt of photoshopped fatkidfood jokes.
But my second pick will have to be Lenny Dykstra, who rocks that 80's frat i wanna punch you in the face look, because we all know that it wasn't tobacco in his mouth, but stored food, and it wasn't steroids that made him huge, it was his secret love for eating.
But my second pick will have to be Lenny Dykstra, who rocks that 80's frat i wanna punch you in the face look, because we all know that it wasn't tobacco in his mouth, but stored food, and it wasn't steroids that made him huge, it was his secret love for eating.
Really, Sam?
I was so sure that you were going to pick C.C. Sabathia! What is it with those bulky balling Brewers? I guess that's what happens when you name your Midwestern franchise after a beer-making procedure.
Six foot seven. Two hundred and ninety pounds. One hundred and sixty one million dollars. I like his smile and I really dig the way he wears his baseball cap.
I know the feeling. Sometimes, you get so happy that you can't stand to look at the world straight on. Grin and bear it!
Oh! Bears!
Six foot seven. Two hundred and ninety pounds. One hundred and sixty one million dollars. I like his smile and I really dig the way he wears his baseball cap.
I know the feeling. Sometimes, you get so happy that you can't stand to look at the world straight on. Grin and bear it!Oh! Bears!
Prince among Men
Since he's bound to be a popular 'hot fatty' pick, I wanted to get my two cents in there quickly on one of the most lovable fat men (currently) playing in the MLB: Prince Fielder.
Price Fielder is not just chubby, he is overweight. Depending on his BMI he may even be obese. He's listed on the official Brewers site as 5-11, 270 lbs, which as a 5-11 person myself I can assure you is HUGE. And just looking at that picture above, you know they were probably using a generous scale for the official weigh-in.
I know he's got that gross tat on his neck, which probably says something like "douche" in Korean, but look at that lovable mug. His face is straight-up squeezable. I really hope some recent lifestyle changes don't accidentally slim him down.
Plus, he's really good at baseball! And for a big man, he can run.
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=702914446790
Price Fielder is not just chubby, he is overweight. Depending on his BMI he may even be obese. He's listed on the official Brewers site as 5-11, 270 lbs, which as a 5-11 person myself I can assure you is HUGE. And just looking at that picture above, you know they were probably using a generous scale for the official weigh-in.
I know he's got that gross tat on his neck, which probably says something like "douche" in Korean, but look at that lovable mug. His face is straight-up squeezable. I really hope some recent lifestyle changes don't accidentally slim him down.
Plus, he's really good at baseball! And for a big man, he can run.
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=702914446790
Big Love
Well, hello, Monday morning readers! I can't wait to see your picks for "Favorite Hot Fatty." To get things rolling, here are some articles that might be of use:
1. "Who is the Fattest Team in Baseball?" from August 2008, before the Yankees bought their Cash Cow....
2. Will C.C. Sabathia be the most pin-striped man in history?
3. "Baseball's Fattest, Slobbiest Fat Slobs" from Maxim Magazine (does that magazine still exist?!)
4. ESPN's Fatty All-Star Team from which I have to highlight this account of Tigers player Gates Brown from the 1960's:
Dude. I couldn't find any full-bodied photos of Mr. Brown, but his is definitely a face that says, "Yeah, I'll put a hot dog in my shirt. I don't give a SHIT." Love it.
1. "Who is the Fattest Team in Baseball?" from August 2008, before the Yankees bought their Cash Cow....
2. Will C.C. Sabathia be the most pin-striped man in history?
3. "Baseball's Fattest, Slobbiest Fat Slobs" from Maxim Magazine (does that magazine still exist?!)
4. ESPN's Fatty All-Star Team from which I have to highlight this account of Tigers player Gates Brown from the 1960's:
"Gates spent a lot of time on the bench, and was used to being ready for the call at any time. But in an August 1968 game against Cleveland, he was caught ... eating. He'd gone into the clubhouse to grab a couple of hot dogs, and was all ready to eat them when Detroit manager Mayo Smith called him in to pinch hit. He stuffed the dogs down his jersey. Then he doubled, slid in head first, and stood up with a uniform covered with mustard, ketchup, and hot dog and bun chunks all over himself."
Dude. I couldn't find any full-bodied photos of Mr. Brown, but his is definitely a face that says, "Yeah, I'll put a hot dog in my shirt. I don't give a SHIT." Love it.
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