Showing posts with label drugs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drugs. Show all posts

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Just Say No

On Saturday, Texas Ranger and former drug addict Josh Hamilton held a brief press conference to apologize for a lapse in sobriety that occurred this January. Thank you, Josh, for reminding us not to drink. If only you had spoken out on Thursday. No matter. Third Base or Bust would like to reiterate our affection for Mr. Hamilton. How can you not love a guy who takes mugshots like this:


Or this?


Not to mention the time he crushed a record-setting 28 longballs at the 2008 Home Run Derby...


...but still didn't win? AFFABLE SCREWUP. Here's an n+1 review of his book, Beyond Belief.

It's 8:10pm and the last game of the Yankees-Red Sox series is about to start. I'll write a recap of this amazing weekend tomorrow.

In the meantime, to stay Rangers-centric while fulfilling my pledge to post less Jeter photos on this blog, here's a picture of #1 SUPERCUTE SUPERBRAT, Ian Kinsler.


Aw. So precious.

Friday, May 8, 2009

You Say Goodbye and I Say Hello

Happy Friday! Let's talk about drugs. As you may know, A-Rod is scheduled to make his season debut with the injury-ridden, unhappy Yankees today. Here are two photos of him doing what he does best...looking clueless.

What is this object?

What's my name? Who am I?

Keep up the good work, Alex. Let's hope that he also manages to excel at what he does second best...hitting monster home runs. Some of ESPN's baseball commentators are already saying that the Yankees are done for the season, which, having listened to or watched most of their games, I can't really contest. Seeing as that my Yankees-fandom started in 2006, I've never known them to do anything but lose. So, yeah, it's just going to be another one of those years.

I did have extremely high hopes for the LA Dodgers, who I began to love last year because of 1) Joe Torre, 2) Casey Blake and 3) Manny Ramirez. Now that Manny's out of the picture until early July, it's going to be a bit tougher for the Dodgers to crush their NL West competitors. A bit. They'll be fine. Moreover, this will be an excellent opportunity for Matt Kemp to launch his career as a sports celebrity. You can tell by the way he plays that he is DYING for more TV time.

Now, some of you may be worried about how Casey Blake will weather the loss of Manny. After all, most of Blake's runs this season can be attributed to Ramirez. I'm happy to report that he's doing just fine on his own, so far. Last night, despite being the game's final out, he went 2/4 and had two runs. He's batting an amazing .385 this week, which is the best average in my Fantasy lineup, and his beard looks great! Finally, he's physically dominating the competition. Look at him almost beating the brains out of Natinal's catcher Jesus Flores as he slides into home.


Of course, Casey Blake would never stoop to such mindlessly violent behaviour. He is a classy athlete and besides, Iowans don't mess with Jesus.

Speaking of drugs, here's a video of the Beatles wearing shiny uniforms and singing Hello, Goodbye.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Top Five Favorite Baseball Moments

Dear Readers,

I thought I would spice up this blog by listing my five favorite moments in baseball history. I ranked them, which was for the most part arbitrary.


5. Dave Winfield kills a bird with a baseball


According to Wikipedia:


On August 4, 1983, Winfield accidentally killed a seagull by throwing a ball at it while warming up before the fifth inning of a game at Toronto's Exhibition Stadium. He doffed his cap in mock sorrow, and fans responded by hurling obscenities and improvised missiles. After the game, he was brought to the Ontario Provincial Police station and arrested for cruelty to animals. He was released after posting a $500 bond. Yankee manager Billy Martin quipped, "It's the first time he's hit the cutoff man all season." Charges were dropped the following day. For years afterward, Winfield's appearances in Toronto were greeted with loud choruses of boos until he became a fan favorite when he joined the Blue Jays in 1992.


In fairness to Dave, I have been to Toronto Exhibition Stadium (“The Mistake by the Lake”) and it would have been hard to throw a baseball and not hit a seagull in that dump. Dave also helped win a World Series for Toronto and also was one of the first athletes to create a charity.

Here is a picture of Dave Winfield and me as a child:



4. Nomar Garciaparra is named Nomar Garciaparra


Ok, so naming a child isn’t exactly a baseball moment, and apparently Nomar is just a nickname for Anthony Garciaparra, and even the validity of this claim has come under scrutiny, but I will make it nonetheless: Nomar’s father Ramon named his son Nomar because it is Ramon backwards.




Shortstop Nomar Garciaparra

and musician Josh Kolenik


Nomar’s stats have fallen off a bit as off late, probably because he is busy doing other things:

On October 8, 2005, Garciaparra and his uncle Victor were alerted to the screams of two women who had fallen into Boston Harbor outside his condominium. One of the women sustained injuries to her head after hitting the pier on her way in. Garciaparra quickly jumped into the harbor and saved both women, who were later taken to the hospital.(Wikipedia)


3. Vince Coleman Throws a Firecracker at Children


In 1993, with Dodger Eric Davis behind the wheel, professional base stealer and Met Vince Coleman threw a lit M-80 at a group of fans while driving through Dodgers parking lot. Three fans were injured, including an eleven-year-old boy and two-year-old girl. Coleman claimed that he didn’t know throwing a firecracker at someone could result in injury. He was sentenced to 200 hours community service.

Three months earlier, Coleman was recklessly swinging a golf club in the Met’s clubhouse when he injured the arm of pitcher Dwight Gooden (see #1). This according to Wikipedia.



Vince also had an unfortunate mishap while playing for the Cardinals. During pregame warm-ups at Busch Stadium, the automated tarpaulin began to roll onto the field and rolled right ontoVince’s leg. He was trapped for 30 seconds, then freed and taken away on a stretcher. He would miss the NLCS and the World Series (Baseball Library).


2. Fritz Peterson and Mike Kekich Swap Wives


In the spring of 1973, Yankees pitchers Fritz Peterson and Mike Kekich decided to trade wives. They also traded houses, families, and dogs.

















From left: Marilyn Peterson, Mike Kekich,

Susan Kekich, Fritz Peterson


The two had been best of friends for some time, and both families lived in New Jersey. The trade worked out better for Peterson, who married the former Susan Kekich. The two remain together and have four children (Peterson was also the better pitcher and his 2.52 ERA is the lowest ever for a starting pitcher at the old Yankee Stadium). Mike Kekich’s relationship with Marilyn Peterson lasted only two years, and his career similarly faltered. (Wikipedia, Fantasy Baseball Dugout)


1. The 1986 New York Mets


I realize that a year with a team after it doesn’t necessarily make a moment, but the 1986 Mets season was so amazing that someone could write a book about it. Actually there are a number of books on the subject, the free parts of which I skimmed on Google Book Search and will quote from heavily. I can hardly summarize the whole season, so I’ll just provide some highlights:



After defeating the Astros in the NLCS, the Mets and wives/friends boarded an Ozark Airlines chartered flight back to New York. They began to drink so heavily that a few of the wives were soon throwing up.


In his autobiography, Heat, Dwight Gooden recalls his most vivid image of the flight. “At one point the partying was so out of control, the lavatory door accidentally flew open and there was one of my teammates, his face in front of lines of cocaine,” he writes. “I wasn’t shocked that he was using, I was shocked that he was so high, he didn’t even realize the door was open.” (Pearlman)

(On another trip from New York to Los Angeles, according to an ex-Ozark official, Darryl Strawberry and Dwight Gooden, the team's two marquee stars, exposed their penises and were inviting the [flight attendants] to "lick this and that.")


Later, the Ozark crew mistakenly served cake to the team and a food fight ensued. From Pearlman:


Meanwhile, the airplane was a disaster area. Upon landing, two or three wives had to be carried off the jet. Others weren’t quite sure of their whereabouts. Half the team exited wearing T-shirts and ties. Sisk wore one shoe. Fans who had waited hours at Kennedy Airport to greet the team were shocked at what they saw. “To have the wives in their snazzy North Beach Leather outfits, covered in vomit, it didn’t make for a pretty picture,” says Mets pitcher Ron Darling. “And the guys were coming off in various forms of disarray of dress. We were gross.”


The flight resulted in $7,500 in damages and a lifetime ban from Ozark Airlines. General manager Frank Cashen was furious, but the manager, Davey Johnson, laughed as he tore up the bill in front of the team.



Dwight Gooden (T) and Darryl Strawberry


Cocaine and alcohol were staples for Mets players in 1986, and their habits continued throughout their careers and beyond. MVP, future captain, and Seinfeld star Keith Hernandez described cocaine as “a demon in me,” and also claimed a “love affair” between baseball players and cocaine in the 1980s. The careers of Dwight Gooden and Darryl Strawberry accounted for seven positive tests for cocaine. (The most memorable moment to me is when retired Darryl Strawberry went missing from a rehab center for four days, and his former coke buddy Dwight Gooden went on the search to find him.) In addition, Mets centerfielder Lenny Dykstra crashed his Mercedes into a tree after a bachelor party. He had BAC of .179, over twice the legal limit. (Lenny has since gone on to better things.) During a nationally televised game, pitcher Roger McDowell was filmed with his uniform on upside down – his pants over his head with his shoes on his hands.


Then there was pitcher Kevin Mitchell, who, in 1986, according to Gooden’s Heat, got into an argument with his live-in girlfriend and decapitated her cat.


I think it is safe to say that nearly all of the 1986 Mets engaged in heavy drug use, alcohol consumption, and sexual debauchery (except for Gary Carter because he was a herb). They could be considered the most dissolute team on record. Oh, and they won the World Series.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Pudgy

Well, it's official: Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez has signed a one year deal to play this season with the Houston Astros.
Rodriguez signed a one-year deal worth $1.5 million, with the opportunity to make another $1.5 in incentives. He has a wedding to attend on Saturday, but expects to be in uniform for Sunday's game when the Astros host the Nationals.

"It wasn't an easy offseason for me," said Rodriguez. "I'm glad that I'm back in a Major League organization. The Astros have been an organization where they have a lot of good players.
I always imagine my favorite catchers being big burly guys like AJ Pierzynski or Wade Boggs. But Pudge always seemed so dainty.


Not to say that he's actually small. Here he is with his new teammate Carlos Lee. But look at him. He's wearing a fashionable v-neck shirt and holding a latte. That is not what an HGH using catcher is supposed to look like.

He's also really into potatoes. His favorite recipe (which I'm sure he cooks all the time) is "Dutch Oven Potatoes with Dried Fruit." No Joke. He's also a really big Yanni fan. I've heard this so many times that it's got to be true, but when I went looking on the interweb the only confirmation I could find was this liveblog blog from the 2003 World Series - where Yanni sang the national anthem! But nonetheless, I wish Pudge all the best this year with the Astros. But even the addition of a mediocre catcher (player now and looks) isn't going to improve my outlook for the NL Central.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

A-Rod, D-bag: The Saga Continues

Earlier today, commentators on MLB.com wondered whether or not A-Rod would cry during his 1:40pm press conference. I really wish he had. Does this face say "I'm sorry?"


What about this one?


This face obviously just says, "I'm a dumb douchebag." Nothing new there.


Here's the old-school Yankee guard (seated) showing solidarity. What is Andy Pettite wearing?! And that owl t-shirt! Wow.


All in all, a largely unsatisfactory event. Photos swiped from Newsday.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Justice*

While I am tempted to say something flattering about A-R*D (hahaha, get it?) to razz Jenni, I've decided to try and show some restraint.

Instead, I went through the ole 'Mitchell Report' and picked out a steroid-using blast from the past:

David Justice

Don't let that vest fool you, he used to be a baseball player!

While there might be some other gems buried in there, from a quick glance at the players named in the 'Mitchell Report' that I recognized without having to look up their picture, David Justice is definitely the most attractive. Look at that scar on his forehead. That shows he's tough. But ignore that hideous tattoo.

Plus, in elementary school I was a baseball card of David Justice for Halloween! I looked like a fool.

Oh-My-God-A-Rod

I hate him. I just hate him. Why does his face look so pink? Why does he sound like a woman?



If the Yankees don't win the World Series this year, they should throw A-Rod into a volcano as a sacrifice to the Fiery Gods of Sport. He is evil. He looks evil. He makes me crazy.


"I MUST HAVE THAT [CHAMPIONSHIP] RING OF POWER!!!"

If it's true that A-Rod is being directed by Madonna's manager now, and not that toad-faced goon Scott Boras, why wasn't he wearing an appropriate amount of facial toner last night? I also did not like his sweater. UGH (until he brings us that ring) THERE IS JUST NOTHING GOOD ABOUT A-ROD.

I can't calm down enough to write a cogent recap of yesterday's activity, but there was some talk of fat people and also a funny hot dog story.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Fat Kid

It's true, Sam. Prince Fielder was going to be my pick, too. I mean, when literally a fat kid, he was in a McDonald's commercial. He's a favorite to be the brunt of photoshopped fatkidfood jokes.

But my second pick will have to be Lenny Dykstra, who rocks that 80's frat i wanna punch you in the face look, because we all know that it wasn't tobacco in his mouth, but stored food, and it wasn't steroids that made him huge, it was his secret love for eating.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Cocaine, Collusion and Canada: The Shocking Story of Tim Raines


Thank you, Jenni, for letting me contribute to this Blog. I'll try to be a team player as baseball blogging is not my area my expertise (basketball blogging is my area of expertise). But I'd like to focus as much as possible on baseball players in their physical prime between 1985 and 1993. These were the glory years of baseball before the strike, steroids and loss of the Montreal Expos.

Few of these players captured the imagination quite like Montreal Expo, Chicago White Sox (and briefly New York Yankee) left fielder, switchitter and "speed demon" Tim "Rock" Raines. Raines had a long career, stole a historic number of bases and hit a remarkable number of triples-- the single most exciting play in baseball (the balk is also exciting).

To summarize Raines career and the impact he's had is folly, so let me point out three shocking episodes where this RainesMan was academy award deserving:

1. cocaine. A lot of Major League Baseball players did cocaine in the 80's but only one was called "rock." Raines checked in to rehab in 1982 admitting that he had spent $40,000 in the last nine months on the same drug that would fell Doc Gooden, Darryl Strawberry, Keith Hernandez, and Steve "even a cat has only nine lives" Howe. During grand jury probes 100x more interesting than the steroid probes of the past three years, Raines described keeping a gram in his uniform's back pocket to snort between half-innings. Always carrying cocaine on him created a problem: the great base-runner admitted that's why he started diving head first to steal a base.

2. collusion. In 1986, in the last year of his contract, a new lean, mean and clean Tim Raines won the batting title. On becoming a free agent you would think that the cash would raines in. But Raines was one of the "untouchable eight" a collection of eight top-rate players including "The Hawk" Andre Dawson that were not offered free-agent contracts. It was clear the owners colluded with each others. The NYT filed this punful report from 87:

Mariners' manager, Dick Williams, best summed up that situation. ''It'll snow,'' Williams said, ''before it Raines.'' ...It might now might be said that when it Raines, it pours gasoline on the bonfire of ''collusion'' among major-league club owners not to sign a free agent still wanted by his previous team, as charged by the Major League Baseball Players Association. ''The spectacular way Tim Raines returned,'' said Don Fehr, the Players Association's executive director, ''certainly highlights the absurdity of basically no team wanting him.
An arbitrator eventually ruled Fehr, and Raines, were right. The whole incident contributed to bad blood between labor and management, the '94 strike, the downfall of Major League Baseball, and the current crisis of western economic and cultural life.

3. Canada. Raines spent the first 12 years of his probably-not-going-to-make-the-Hall-of-Fame -but-he-could career in Canada, French Canada, at that. He was right in the middle of the Quebec freedom movement until signing as a free agent in the White Sox in 1991, the same year the White Sox unveiled their black baseball caps.

So desperate were the Expos to make money that in 1984 they sold Tim Raines novelty items we would laugh at today.

Montreal would eventually become the Washington Nationals leading to a parliamentary crisis in Canada.

Cocaine, collusion, and Canada. When you think of the most interesting moments in professional baseball over the last 30 years, you should think of Tim Raines.