Beggars Can't be Choosers, Winners Can't be Losers

There are only four to seven baseball games left in the year, so instead of sulking and wishing intense pain upon anyone wearing a Rangers hat on the subway, all Texas sports teams (except Coach Taylor's) and most non-baseball pro-athletes, it's probably healthier and more enjoyable to just give in and get excited about the World Series. Here are some players I know about:

THE SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS

1. Closer Brian Wilson, evil-eyed trivia expert
2. Catcher Buster Posey, rookie heart throb
3. Pitcher Tim Lincecum, television commercial megastar
4. Cheerleader Barry Zito, cosmic donut
5. Panda Pablo Sandoval, panda panda

THE TEXAS RANGERS
1. Catcher Bengie Molina, will win a ring either way
2. Josh Hamilton, younger than I am surprisingly
3. Vladdy Guerrero, older than everyone you know unsurprisingly
4. Ian Kinsler. What I love about him is that he is always visibly whining.

The Rangers have the ugliest mascot in the Major Leagues. The Giants also have an unfamous mascot, but theirs is at least marginally cute. His name is Lou Seal and he wears sunglasses, sometimes backwards. And then there's this bad crab, which you can read about here.

Baseball! It starts tomorrow.

Goodbye Yankees, Goodbye Phillies

Goodbye teams I know and sometimes love, hello teams I didn't watch once this year.

That said, Texas and San Fransisco are both interesting clubs and the Red State-Blue State culture clash could produce some excitingly strange moments in the stands. So, other than the fact that my team lost and I'm bummed about it and nothing matters the way it would have, I'm stoked for the World Series to begin...next Wednesday. That's a long time to wait for baseball.

This looks dangerous.

Of course, considering that the Rangers have waited something like 40 years to make it past the first round of the playoffs, it doesn't seem that long. Ron Washington is going to be chewing his gum faster than anyone ever thought possible.

This game sucked. We don't have to talk about it.

Top: A-Rod's walk of shame
Bottom: Good for you, Vladdy!

I thought for sure that the Phillies would make it to Game 7, especially after taking an early lead against crazy Jonathan Sanchez. An unexpectedly rude Chutley almost started a brawl in the third inning. You should watch the video here, because it's funny. If you don't want to do that, you can at least look at this photo that someone official tweeted during the game (commentary and penguin are my additions).


Yeah, that's right. Cole Hamels strolled up to a benches-clearing confrontation with his hands in his pockets. Jayson Werth, however, was right in the thick of the action. He was always sort of a grubby looking cave dweller, but now he looks like he's from another dimension-- like he's forgotten how to use human language. I think I saw him silently communicating with his bat in the on-deck circle tonight. He hasn't opened his mouth wide enough to form words in months. He's reading your mind right now, while you look at his photo. He knows everything you know, and he doesn't like any of it.

Top: ... ... ... ... ... ... !!! ...
Middle: What's with the scoreboard? Does Ryan Howard have duck lips?
Bottom: Chutley wondering what went wrong

Here's another Twitpic, this time of the Giants drinking Bud Light in their locker room. Do you think the Phillies refused to supply them with champagne or do the Giants just genuinely prefer tall boys on momentous occasions?

Congratulations to Cody Ross and Josh Hamilton for being their Championship Series' MVPs. Congratulations to Aubrey Huff for being the only player on either of my Fantasy Teams to make it to the World Series. Congratulations Rangers fans (whoever you are) and Giants fans (I know some, actually). Thank you, Derek Jeter, and see you in Florida. The nice thing about being a Yankee fan is that there is always, always, always, inevitably always next year.

Day 5: RALLY MONKEY

BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF THE RALLY MONKEY!? Jeter does. Torii does. Now, I do, too:

ALCS Game 3: RALLY MONKEY DOES IT AGAIN

Angels 5, Yankees 4
Yanks lead series 2-1
W: Santana (1-1)
L: Aceves (0-1)

HR: NYY Jeter (2), Rodruiguez (2), Damon (1), Posada (1)
LAA: Kendrick (1), Guerrero (1)

NLCS Game 4: Dodgers Shocked in Ninth

Phillies 5, Dodgers 4

Phils lead series 3-1

W: Lidge (1-0)

L: Broxton (0-1)

HR: LAD Kemp (1); PHI Howard (2)

THIS IS GETTING SERIOUS.

The Dodgers are in the hole 3-1, but hey, Casey Blake hit a single! Will someone in L.A. please abduct the Rally Monkey and FedEx him to Dodger Stadium?

Champsionship Series: Days 3 & 4

I watched about half of Saturday's Yankees-Angels match-up before going to see Nomar-Garciaparra-double/musician Josh Kolenik and Small Black play at Death By Audio. Thankfully, I was able to stay emotionally and informationally invested in the game, due to real-time updates from Paul's brother's TiVo, Twitter and MLB.com's "At Bat 2009" iPhone application. Yes, I am currently that annoying person that needs to check sports scores constantly regardless of the social appropriateness of that action. Sorry guys, but Saturday was a nail-biter.

Vladdy Strikes Out Swinging
ALCS Game 2: OHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT! Yanks Ice Angels in Extra Innings

Yankees 4, Angels 3

Yanks lead series 2-0

W: Robertson (1-0)

L: Santana (0-1)

HR: NYY Jeter (1), Rodruiguez (1)

Top: Aybar argues; Melky safe at second
Middle: A-Rod and Mo collide
Bottom: Mark Teixiera [insert your favorite ass joke here]

From the New York Times:

Hairston entered the game as a pinch-hitter for Freddy Guzman, facing Ervin Santana. After Brett Gardner’s sacrifice, the Angels walked Robinson Cano intentionally, bringing Melky Cabrera to the plate.

Cabrera bounced a ball to the left of Izturis, the second baseman. Trying for the inning-ending double play, he whirled and whipped an off-balance throw to second, nowhere near shortstop Erick Aybar. It skipped on the dirt toward third base, where Chone Figgins dropped it. Hairston, who had stopped running, raced home and slid for the winning run.

Jerry Hairston Jr. ends the game

It's a bit lazy to just cut and paste that end-of-game recap, I know, but it's more coherent than the stream of texts and tweets through which I experienced those last innings. Do you want to read this:

Text: 2 to 2 in the ninth

Text: Nooooooooooooooooooooo

Text: Still tied. Yankees up in tenth.

Text: Oh ononononononononono

Text: Oh, it's true

Text: Nooooooooo

And this:

"Music from Yankee Stadium...Pearl Jam's "Alive" into MJax's "Bille Jean." I think A-Rod is bobbing his head as he fields grounders at 3B" 4:51 PM Oct 17th from web (via @JackCurry1)

"Jeeeeeeter!" 8:53 PM Oct 17th from Twitterrific (via @jennicatherine)

"A-Rod again - what an October. Solo HR off 2009 MLB saves leader Brian Fuentes. #Yankees 3 #Angels 3 bottom 11th" 12:12 AM Oct 18th from web (via @mlb)

"Gaudin's the only relief pitcher left. Even @nickswisher is out of the game.12:26 AM Oct 18th from web" (via @TylerKepner)

OR DO YOU WANT TO READ FACTS?!

NLCS Game 3: FACT...the Dodgers got rocked.
Phillies 11, Dodgers 0

Phillies lead series 2-1

W: Lee (1-0)

L: Kuroda (0-1)

HR: PHI Werth (1), Victorino (1)

CLIFF LEE WAS AMAZING! I wish he still pitched for the Indians.

This game was annoying. Shane Victorino's in-game microphone was annoying. Shane Victorino's unnecessary three-run homer in the 8th inning was annoying. Phillies fans are annoying and rude and strange. See?

Top: Ugh. Middle: Ugh. Bottom: Cool!

I watched this game with Dodgers fan John, who was also pretty angry at the Phillie's shut-out smack-down. He was, however, super into the home plate umpire's outfit. And Casey Blake's beard. BUT WHO ISN'T.

Ugh. I can't think about this game anymore. Let's just cross our fingers and hope that all goes well for the Yanks and Dodgers today.

Championship Series Day 2: Mistakes We Knew We Were Making

Believe it or not, those are all examples of C.C. Sabathia's celebratory stance.  Our cheerful ace deserved these self-felicitations, allowing just 4 hits and 1 run in 8 innings while striking out 7 in the Yankees 4-1 victory over the error-ridden Angels.  The boys from Anaheim went from California cool to New York cold, failing to catch pop-flies and overrunning ground balls. 

Top: Good ole Vlad gives us a grin and a crazed look;
Bottom: Jeter in Darth Vader-esque death gloves, photos via @MLB.

ALCS Game 1: Evil Empire On the Move!

Yankees 4, Angels 1

Yanks lead series 1-0

W: Sabathia (1-0)

L: Lackey (0-1)

S: Rivera (1)

It was so cold and windy that a few would-be homers failed to leave the park.  Two of those belonged to Robbie Cano, who spent the game hiding behind a ski mask.

Raging A-Rod, on the other hand, was wearing short sleeves.  Here he is out at home after blatantly misreading or maybe just missing the third base coach's hand signals. Wow. If I were Angels catcher Jeff Mathis and I saw A-Rod barreling down the third base line at me for no reason, I'd be f'ing terrified.

Top: Execution by A-Rod; Bottom: "Oh what, no, seriously?!"

The best parts of that bottom photo are the three Yankee mouths.  You can practically hear what each player is thinking.  A-Rod: Oh what, no seriously? Posada: Idiot.  Damon: Huh, where am I?

It's okay Johnny, you got home safely.

Across the country in sunny Los Angeles, an eighth inning error by Chase Utley helped the Dodgers top the Phillies 2-1.

Chutley walking on air...er...error

NLCS Game 2: Dodgers Win!!!!
Dodgers 2, Phillies 1

Series tied 1-1

W: Kuo (1-0)

L: Park (0-1)

S: Mt. Broxxxxxxton (1)

HR: PHI Howard (1)

 Important Notice: Chan Ho Park is an Asian dude with a BEARD!

This game wasn't as exciting as one might think, given that Ethier walked in the go-ahead run with bases loaded in the 8th.  Or maybe I'm just saying that because I was on the subway when the Dodgers won.  Whatever.  A few people have pointed out that, as a Yankees fan, I should be hoping for the Phillies to take this series and logically, I can see their point.  But 1) you can't root against your heart and 2) THE YANKEES CAN BEAT ANY TEAM.  

Day 5: Weekend Sweeper Bonanaza

ALDS Game 3: See you next year, BoSox.

Angels 7, Red Sox 6

Angels win series in 3

W: Oliver (1-0)

L: Papelbon (0-1)

S: Fuentes (2)

HR: LAA Morales (1); BOS Drew (1)

It was a great baseball weekend for Los Angeles, with the Dodgers sweeping St. Louis on Saturday and the Angels stealing a jaw-dropping last-minute victory from the Red Sox to sweep their ALDS series at Fenway on Sunday.  Yo, Sam, your boy Vladdy did GREAT.  Jonathan Papelbon, who had previously kept his post-season ERA at  0.00, gave up three runs in the ninth to blow the BoSox's 6-4 lead. He was heartily booed off the field as a result.  Now, God and the internet both know that I'm not a Papelbon fan, but Boston that's rude.  Booing your own players when they're down?

Yeah, okay, I did it to A-Rod.  I'M SORRY.  I won't anymore. In public.  Okay, I won't. Period. (In public.) (I won't.) (I can't help it.) (Jenni, just don't.) I won't.

HEY A-ROD, GOOD WORK! WE LOVE YOU! (I'm trying)

ALDS Game 3: YANKS SWEEP! YOU KNEW THEY WOULD!

Yankees 4, Twins 1

Yankees win series in 3
W: Pettitte (1-0)

L: Pavano (0-1)

S: Rivera (1)

HR: NYY Rodruigez (2), Posada (1)

Go out and love, love, love everyone.

Woolsey made me go out to get pizza at the start of the 7th inning, so I missed BOTH Yankee home runs.  To be fair, he did send me real-time text updates as I was standing in line at "Not Ray's Pizza," and also taught me a lot about baseball throughout the course of the game.  We're even.  No hard feelings. Those are my two least favorite Yankees, anyway.

Ever the professional, DJ keeps his uniform tidy despite clubhouse distractions

It's not a big deal that the Yankees swept the Twins because the Twins barely made the playoffs.  That said, let's keep those good vibes rolling, team!

NLDS Game 3: Phillies win

Phillies 6, Rockies 5

Phillies lead series 2-1

W: Durbin (1-0)

L: Street (0-1)

S: Lidge

HR: PHI Chutley (1); COL Gonzalez (1)

 

Jayson Werth (28) is listed as being 6 feet 5 inches, but doesn't he look like a GIANT?  I guess it's because Jimmy Rollins (11) is 5'8?  I think I'm supposed to have feelings about Jimmy Rollins, but I don't.  Maybe later.

 

Uh, good work, I guess.  Will you please win your next game so that the Rockies will go away?