Generally, I Tend to Like Photos Like These

I like photos of Roy Halladay smiling. They are just so bizarre. I also like photos of Cole Hamels looking thoughtful. I think my hands may be larger than his.


This isn't Derek Jeter's best side, but this photo is like some sort of Sebald-baseball mashup, which I like. Seeing weird stuff like this in the Yahoo! Sports MLB Photo Gallery really makes my day.

Maybe I'll make my own Derek Jeter owl collage later today after the noisy plumbers leave.

I am extremely jealous that there are people out in the world taking close-up Instagram photos of Derek Jeter. This photo would be cooler with bird eyes, though.

Finally, look who's back:

If you don't like this photo, you are probably not a good person. It would be cooler with some dog eyes in the background, though.

Go Tigers! Hosmer Walk-off. Cycling Pandoval.

Last night, the Tigers won their division title for the first time since 1987. Congratulations Tigers! Clinching pitcher Doug Fister is on both of my Fantasy teams. He's cute, right? I've been on the fence for months, but I think I'll go ahead and call this one now: he's cute. He's at least as cute as Clayton Kershaw was before he became more horse-y than boy-ish. Doug Fister, may you follow in Clayton's career footsteps without losing your human good looks.

Miggy has a hand tattoo?

Eric Hosmer hit a walk-off double against the White Sox last night. I hope become a great team because I love Eric Hosmer and I love their uniforms.


Pablo Sandoval hit for the cycle two nights ago. Can you believe he hit a triple?

I'm already starting to have baseball separation anxiety. Go away, football. Baseball, don't go!

Go, Fight, Win: A Photo Essay

The Phillies and Giants fought last night in San Francisco. You can and should watch the video, here. These photos feel like Norman Rockwell paintings to me:

Here's a trio of closeups on Chase Utley's eyeballs:

Brawler #1, Shane Victorino:

Roy Oswalt grinning:

Cliff Lee looking surprisingly noble:


A Where's Waldo series of Cole Hamels photos:

As you can see, the score was 8-2. What were the Giants trying to accomplish? Are they just mad because the Phillies are going to win the National League championship this year? And finally, where is Roy Halladay?

Sunday Night

I frequently cite the fact that all Iowans are Cubs fans when explaining my dislike of the Cubs. (We can explore the animosity I feel towards my mental conception of the anonymous group people who provided a safe and pleasant community for my family and I in a separate post on the "Understanding Jenni's Psychological Perspective and Wrong Ideas Blog.") That said, I didn't know that I knew any actual Cubs fans until my friend told me to "suck it" after the Cubs beat the Yankees in the first game of this weekend's series. The Yankees came back to take the remaining two games. Friend, you "suck it."

That said, Wrigley Field is a place I'd like to visit, especially after Dave Eggers told the internet that watching the Cubs isn't the point of going there. You can read more of what Dave Eggers thinks about it, here. You can see a photo of it from Sunday night's game, here:

C.C. Sabathia pitched on Sunday night. He hasn't been lights-out-super-amazing these last two weeks, but he did win the game. He also swung a bat, which is not something that happens very often.

I usually think of C.C. as the "ace" of my Dynasty Keeper League team, but that title probably belongs to Cole Hamels. He only gave up two runs, but still lost the game to some Mariner named Jason Vargas on Sunday. The Mariners have a lot of good pitchers and at least two new, young hitters. Are they going to be championship contenders before we turn 40?

Chase Utley is back. He and Jason Vargas performed a bird dance together.

I don't know if I've ever posted a photo of a Giant other than Buster Posey, Tim Lincecum or Eli Manning, but I saw this angry photo of Cody Ross and thought to myself "Yes, this is why I hate him." I like to encourage people to dislike the things that I hate, so maybe the photo will make you feel the same way I feel.

Don't like Cody Ross and don't like the Cubs. You can like Cole Hamels if you want, but not if we play Fantasy Baseball together. You can like the Yankees, no matter who you are. That would mean a lot to me.

What Things Look Like

Shit. The Red Sox got good again. I keep hearing that Dustin Pedroia is a nice person, but that's not going to stop me from seeing a giant prairie rodent every time I look at him:

In happier news, a still-clean-shaven Cole Hamels struck out nine over eight shut out innings tonight. And he won the game! Here are some recent photos I took of other televised or digitized images of Cole's chin:
And finally, this is what the psyche of young San Fransisco looks like:

via...I never thought I'd link to a parenting blog...

Buster Posey, I'm also sorry you broke your fibula. I still think you're going to be a star and everyone loves you.

Pairings

Buster Posey with....

...Aubrey Huff

...Barry Zito

...Brian Wilson

...two awards
...two babies(?!)

Opening Day 2011

The forecast promises snow and freezing rain tomorrow, but the long, dark season of "I-guess-I'll-get-interested-in-football-but-I-still-don't-like-basketball" is finally over. I've been watching baseball on my computer, on my phone and on a muted television at the Greenpoint YMCA for nine hours and counting, now. Here are my favorite photos of things I may have seen at one point during the day:

TIGERS v. YANKEES

AMERICA: giant flag, fireworks, Statue of Liberty, advertisements,
Yankees, baseball, hot dogs (probably somewhere).

Curtis Granderson's diving catch. Later, he hit a home run.

Welcome to New York, Miggy.

Mark Teixeira hit a 3-run home run. Derek Jeter said "Congratulations!"

BRAVES v. NATIONALS

AMERICA: shooting columns of fire into the air,
men charging through clouds of smoke

Bahhhh. You again.

BREWERS v. REDS

Prince Fielder with beard and earflaps.

PADRES v. CARDINALS

I have this guy Chase Headley on my Fantasy team. Here he
is scoring a run. What does his face look like?

ANGELS v. ROYALS

Bobby Abreu chewing gum.

GIANTS v. DODGERS

I typically cheer for the Dodgers, but with Joe Torre gone, Casey Blake injured, Andre Ethier wearing a ponytail and MLB.tv not allowing me to listen to the Vin Scully audio over the ESPN video feed, I wasn't sure how I'd feel during the game. The ESPN announcers sucked. I mean, you can't just say that Pablo Sandoval lost 40 lbs. on the "chicken salad diet" and not describe what was in the chicken salad. I don't know what he was eating before, but mainlining mayonnaise doesn't sound like the fastest route to good health.

The California Baseball Giants

But he looks a lot thinner here.

Matt Kemp had a good night. I forget how attractive he is and then
see him and think he should be a movie star.

Anyway, despite the aforementioned factors, I really enjoyed this game. You'd have to have a heart made out of wormy garbage to not feel closer to the Giants after their World Series victory last year. I hope Buster Posey becomes a baseball megastar and that Panda enjoys continued success with that chicken salad. Do you put apples in it? Golden raisins?

THE YANKEES WON!
THE DODGERS WON!
ROY HALLADAY IS PITCHING TOMORROW.
I LOVE BASEBALL!!!!!

Signs of Life

Happy Valentine's Day! The curbside piles of frozen trash are finally melting in New York and the city's cold wave of mass seasonal depression seems to be peaking. Spring must be on it's way! And so, pitchers and catchers from across the globe have begun reporting to their team camps in Arizona and Florida. In celebration of the fact that BASEBALL SEASON IS COMING, here are some old photos of our favorite pitchers and catchers in sunny places, including some with palm trees.

Top Top: Roy Halladay, Fantasy Baseball All-Star
Top Bottom: Cole Hamels, Walking Purposefully
Bottom Top: Fans in sports shorts watch Mo run
Bottom Bottom: CC's new diet

I heard that CC Sabathia's already lost 25 pounds and that he expects to lose 5-10 more during spring training. According to this photo, his new nutritionist is a giraffe. GO YANKEES.

Top: Joe Mauer reading Proust
Bottom: Happy Tigers

I'm not a very dedicated follower of the central teams, so perhaps you can tell me two things. Does Joe Mauer live in Minnesota during the off-season? And who is that jumping person?

Pitchers and catchers in California have a nice life, year-round. They also enjoy dressing their rookies as Alpine women.

Top top: Chad Billingsley: Dodgers Right-handed Pitcher
Top Bottom: Clayton Kershaw in a dress
Bottom Top: Buster Posey in a dress
Bottom Bottom: Sports Celebrities...they're just like us!

If that isn't a photo of Tim Lincecum stoned in the hotel hot tub, I'll buy and mail everyone ten boxes of conversation hearts each.