Okay, Fine.

I made a mistake: the Yankees are not above gratuitous celebratory displays.

Also, not immune to ugly championship graphics on their hats and t-shirts. Okay, okay. You won the division. Just please win the World Series, team.

#VotePK #VoteCarGo

Today is the last day of the 2010 All-Star Game Final Vote! MLB.com reports that Nick Swisher and Kevin Youkilis are more or less tied for the AL Final Vote, with Paul Konerko in third. This is a travesty. While I'm all about Nick Swisher and his vibrant personality, PAULIE IS CAPTAIN. Not just of the White Sox, but of Life. So I've decided to spend all day today voting for Paulie, even though realistically, I should be voting against Disgustingilis by voting for Swisher. I'm sure the Yankees fans are going to take care of that; hopefully Youkilis' failing ankle will keep him behind.

On the NL front, Joey Votto leads. I read some tweets about how he should've been selected in the first place for his contributions to the Reds' surprising success thus far. But again: travesty. We all know Carlos Gonzalez is the true hero of our epoch! He mashes the ball despite being mildly injured on and off the season. Also, he was in my dreams last night. Mordecai and I hung out with him all night long, and CarGo was a total pothead. I was really concerned for his tests and considered talking to him about it, but he had such a pleasant personality that I didn't feel like bringing it up.

So, if you're by a computer with internet, and you have time on your hands today, #VotePK, #VoteCarGo, and #VoteOften!!!

Ladies Love Us v. 2.0: The Outfield

Yesterday, I began to address the question of whether or not my Fantasy team has gotten less lovable by evaluating my infielders. Now, let's examine the outfield:

OF: 2009 - GRADY SIZEMORE (CLE); 2010 - ANDRE ETHIER (LAD)

In addition to being a cosmic waste of fantasy energy in 2009, Grady Sizemore was also the source of 90.5% of all managerial conflict for the Ladies. I love him. Paul hates him. In fact, Paul threatened to quit the team if I redrafted Grady this year. We took Andre Ethier, instead. Sometimes, I think he's really cute and sometimes I think he looks like a small talking mouse. Even though he'd be an upgrade over almost any other outfielder, here Ethier is LOVE DOWNGRADE.

Last year, Kei made this collage of Marauders of Time managers with their #1 draft picks. Doesn't it look like Grady and I went to prom together? My high school G.P.A. was higher than his, but maybe they didn't have weighted AP classes at Cascade High School in Everett, WA.

Grady, I still think we have a future...I'll call you when I move to Cleveland.

OF: 2009 - NICK SWISHER (NYY); 2010 - JASON KUBEL (MIN)

Remember when I met Nick Swisher last year? Jason Kubel looks like a ghoul and he plays for the Twins. SERIOUS LOVE DOWNGRADE.

OF: 2010 - NYJER MORGAN (WAS); 2009 - ADAM DUNN (WAS)

I made these photos backwards. Nyjer Morgan has a nice smile and steals a ton of bases. Adam Dunn looks like a donkey and steals NO bases. This is a LOVE UPGRADE.

UTILITY: 2009 - MANANANANNY RAMIREZ (LAD???); 2010 - JUAN PIERRE (CWS)

Hey Manny! I think you may be a bad person, but I still like you tons! Do something funny this year! Please make the Dodgers not suck! Are you and Casey Blake friends? I can't imagine that this could be possible! Juan Pierre looks like a teenager, but he's older than I am! We got him to compliment Nyjer Morgan! I wonder how that will work out...LOVE DOWNGRADE!

Next, our pitching staff, where a lot of good things happened yesterday....

World Series Games 3 and 4

A-Rod rounds the bases as Hamel curses instant replay

World Series Game 3: The A-Monster Awakens
Yankees 8, Phillies 5
Yankees lead series 2-1
W:Pettitte (1-0)
L: Hamels (0-1)

HR: NYY Rodruigez (1), Matsui (2), Swisher (1)
PHI Werth 2 (2), Ruiz (1)

I missed most of this game, but it seems like it was really exciting. Six home runs! Double homers by soul-enemy Jayson Werth! Swisher and A-Rod finally stop sucking! And the Yankees win! Scroll back down through Saturday's prediction post and jot down the initials of everyone who picked the Phillies to win this one...then ask them how it feels to be WRONG.

Swisher sliding into home as only he could

I am sad, however, that Phil Hughes gave up that home run in relief. I just want him to do well and be proud of himself. But more than that, I want him to not pitch anymore this year. It's too risky and nerve-wracking. We can work on all of that self-confidence stuff next year.

World Series Game 4: Damon Running Wild!
Yankees 7, Phillies 4
Yankees lead series 3-1
W:Chamberlain (1-0)
L: Lidge (0-1)

HR: PHI Chutley (3), Feliz (1)

Before getting into any of the particulars of tonight's game, I'd like to reiterate how awful Chase Utley's hair looks. I think I'd even take Jayson Werth's facial hair over Chutley's greasy, back-swept mane, at this point. And that's really saying a lot.

Moving on...Johnny Damon shocked the nation by doing some genius base-running in the ninth. With the game tied 4-4 and the Yankees down to their final out of the inning, Damon singled off of Brad Lidge, then stole second AND third. The Philadelphia infield had over-shifted to accommodate Mark Teixeira, so no one was covering third base. Watching Damon outrun Feliz was amazing. Johnny Damon is old! After that, Teix got hit by a pitch, A-Rod doubled to score Damon and Posada singled to score Teix and A-Rod. Old-ass Jorge got tagged out trying to make it to second base...have you seen him try to run the bases? It's so comical and awful. After all of that, Mariano came and retired the Phillies in order and that's how we won the game.

Top: Joba gives up the tying run in the 8th (but still wins the game);
Middle: Damon THIRD BASE OR BUST! Go Johnny!;
Bottom: Teixeira hit by pitch

The Yanks are so lucky that A-Rod was able to come through tonight. Now, if only Robbie Cano would start hitting. Fox flashed a stat about his World Series average being something like .071, but he got a hit immediately after that. So maybe it's .091, now? Still. That's terrible. Here are three photos of Robbie looking even brattier than usual. WHAT'S YOUR DEAL, CANO?

Top: Chewing gum during God Bless America
Middle: Giving Jeter a fist?
Bottom: Getting swatted by C.C.

Aw, I love you anyway. Go Yankees! We could win it all tomorrow! And then...baseball...will...be.... [sigh]

Empire State of Mind

Let's hear it for New York, NEW YORK, NEW YORRRRRRRRRRK!!!!!!

Nick Swisher Meet and Greet

Have you seen Nick Swisher's funny new haircut? Well, if you're in New York and don't have other midday obligations, you can tomorrow...IN PERSON.

I'm going to tell him that my Fantasy team needs him to stop striking out. That aside, how can you not love a guy whose charity work involves selling SWISH & CHIPS?

UPDATE! 10:35pm

Well friends, here are photos of of me meeting Nick Swisher this afternoon. Third Base or Bust breaking into the real world....


I'll readily admit that I was more than a little starstruck, hence the low, unsteady quality of the camera-phone photos, but I'm happy to report that Nick Swisher is super nice! At the risk of sounding like an irredeemable dork, here is the conversation we had, verbatim:

Jenni: Hi Nick, I'm Jenni.
Nick: Hi!
Jenni: You're the star of our Fantasy league!
Nick: All right! [we high-five]
Jenni: Also, my friend in Chicago wanted me to tell you that she loves your hair.
Nick: Oh this? Really? Cool.
Jenni: Would you mind signing a card?
Nick: No problem. Nice to meet you.

So, Kei, Nick Swisher is aware of your existence, and yeah, I could've played it a bit cooler. Next time. After all, unlike some people, I'd never met a Major Leaguer before.

Anyway, walking back to the train, I tried to imagine the interaction from Nick Swisher's vantage point. I mean, the guy's not exactly killing it stats-wise, so it must have been at least somewhat surprising for him to hear that he was the STAR of an entire Fantasy league. He's been in an especially painful slump over the last two weeks, causing him to get benched and almost dropped from Ladies Love Us, but I'm glad I kept him on because a few hours later, HE HIT A HOME RUN AT HIS FIRST AT BAT!

SEE YA!

I high-fived that hand! My vibrations are so awesomely cosmic right now....

Anyway, the Yankees are on an 8-game winning streak and I couldn't be happier. Go Swisher! Go Yankees! I LOVE BASEBALL!

Alien Baseball

I like to sift through Yahoo baseball photos everyday and save the ones I like. Today they put up a low-quality picture of Swisher at the NYSE this morning, which I refused to post on this blog. I googled more photos of this event, and ended up with this kind of boring video from the official NYSE website. (Who are those little girls towards the end of the video? Swisher fans? Stock brokers or whatever they're called?) Nick Swisher is going to save our economy!

Today I also came across Lil Wayne's blog on ESPN. He claims to have an ESPN tattoo; that's how serious he is about writing. After writing about the NBA playoffs, he says of Swisher:

Shout out to Nick Swisher for being amazing. That dude came in and pitched lights out against the Rays, and now whenever the Yankees pitchers are getting roughed up the crowd chants "We want Swisher," which is amazing. I understand Nick Swisher, because he is an alien from another planet like me. That dude is not really a human being. For a position player to come into a major league ballgame and do that? Come on. Alien.

Aliens! I believe Alexei is also an alien, but of the planet where they bat horribly and have slow seasonal starts.

After seeing him on TV a few times, I still can't believe how tiny and narrow he is. I still can't believe he's batting .149, either. Cuban Missile Crisis! He's benched on my fantasy team this week, but I cheer him on in my heart.

Swisher Takes the Mound

Kei and I have been diligently monitoring our respective Fantasy Baseball teams, and at 10:41 pm last night, she texted me to ask if Nick Swisher-- the Yankees intermittent first baseman, clubhouse DJ and confirmed ugly person-- was pitching against the Rays. And, believe it or not, HE WAS!


Moreover, Jorge Posada was playing first base and both Derek Jeter and Johnny Damon were sitting on the bench. Totally wacky...but I guess it makes sense, considering how badly they were losing (15-5, goddamn Rays). During his one inning on the mound, Swisher had one walk, one strikeout, and no earned runs. Not bad!

While I initially felt that Swisher was too gnarly to play for the Yankees, I've had a complete change of heart this April. The dude looks kind of like Jack Black, is batting .471, and gets constantly praised by the Yankees beat reporters as being the funniest, most affable creature ever to wear pinstripes. I can go along with that.

Welcome to New York, Nick! Thank you for not sucking (yet)!