Younger than Jeter: The Generational

First comes love, then comes marriage (and honeymoons), then comes...BABIES! The only thing that ever makes me want to have children is the Little League World Series, which began yesterday and can be seen on a variety of television and internet outlets. Watching Team Japan cry after losing the 2007 Little League World Series championship game to Team U.S.A. is one of my dearest baseball memories. The kid with the glasses (see below)...that's an image I'm taking with me to the grave.

Of course there's crying in baseball!

Japanese kids are the cutest. Cute enough to make me like the Red Sox, despite my disdain for Dice-K and his horrible season (photo via Kei).

Non-Japanese kids are pretty cute, too. This photo of Jonathan Papelbon and his daughter Parker almost makes me sorry for all of the times I've called him a sociopath on this blog. (I'm not actually sorry because I'm pretty sure it's true.)

Now that the gap between the Red Sox and the Yankees is comfortably large, it's hard to really hate them. That would be like hating the Mets (i.e. petty). Let's extend this rare tide of good will by looking at some baby photos of current BoSoxians. This very thorough fan blog has lots, but I'll just give you Boston's best and worst looking players.

Tacoby, Pedroia...but you probably already knew that.

I own an entire book of Jeter kid photos, but this is the only one I can find on the internet:

HE'S THE COOLEST! Maybe someday, if I stop drinking, my future child will be as cool as Derek Jeter.

A New Top Ten

Almost four months have passed since I posted my Top Five on this blog. Because my knowledge of baseball players has expanded exponentially since then, I figured my original opinions were worth revisiting. And so, on this rainy Friday, I'm pleased to present my updated Top Ten (because, really, five isn't enough to hold all that love).

10. Jacoby Ellsbury (Red Sox)

He's fast and fleet, like a small magical deer. Also, since hearing that his nickname is "Tacoby Bellsbury," I've been thinking about him at least once every other day. Let this forever silence Boston fans who claim I'm biased against their team. Sorry guys, but Tacoby aside, the Red Sox are undeniably, hideously unattractive.

9. Ian Kinsler (Rangers)

I'm a supporter of many male archetypes and Kinsler is the ultimate fratboy manchild.

8. Clayton Kershaw (Dodgers)

It saddens me to say it, but a Clayton Kershaw has opened an unhappy chasm in the otherwise peaceful co-existence of Maddie and Jenni. House divided! Maddie thinks that Clayton looks like a horse...or worse, "a person wearing half of one of those two-part horse costumes." How can anyone hate so hard on a 21-year-old Texas boy who throws a 96 mph fastball for the best team in the National League? He does NOT look like a horse!

7. Torii Hunter (Angels)

He has a good personality and his eyes are sparkly.

6. Matt Kemp (Dodgers)

I don't know why I like Matt Kemp so much, because you can tell by the way he swaggers and pouts that his baseball attitude could use some improvement. Also, check out the perma-smirk in these mugshots from Joe. What a jerk! Love it.

5. Ichiro Suzuki (Mariners)

He is getting so weirdly mystical and cosmic. Ichiro will lead us through 2012 and into the thousand years of golden peace that await thereafter.

4. Casey Blake (Dodgers)

The Dodgers should hire me to be Casey Blake's publicist. He's so average and ordinary, but I think he's awesome and I talk about him all the time.

3. Derek Jeter (Yankees)

Life captain forever. Thank you, Derek Jeter.

2. Grady Sizemore (Indians)

I can't remember the first time I saw Grady Sizemore play baseball, so let's call this one a classic case of unrequited love and tenth sight. I am even okay with the fact that his favorite band is The Doors.

1. Robinson Cano (Yankees)

This is a stupid photo of him, but it's the best I could find in the Getty Image archive (I wanted something from last year, when he wasn't so fat). In the early days of my baseball fandom, I decided that Robbie Cano was my favorite player and it just seems wrong to change that now. So, through slumps and streaks and despite his obvious weight gain, Robbie's still #1. Go Yankees!