Brooklyn Throwback

The newly orphaned Dodgers wore Brooklyn throwback uniforms yesterday in their extra-inning victory over the Atlanta Braves. Our old friend Casey Blake hit a home run!

Emerging ace Clayton Kershaw struck out seven batters and wore very large pants. Matt Kemp hit a walk-off home run in the 12th inning. I think he has the right idea with the high socks. Is this shade of powder blue the universal signifier of PAJAMAS? I remember the Blue Jays doing something like this once, to pretty much the same effect.

In case you've forgotten, this is what the Dodgers usually look like:

And what they did look like when they were in Brooklyn (courtesy of this cool fan blog):

Now, I too must brush my teeth and leave Brooklyn.

Signs of Life

Happy Valentine's Day! The curbside piles of frozen trash are finally melting in New York and the city's cold wave of mass seasonal depression seems to be peaking. Spring must be on it's way! And so, pitchers and catchers from across the globe have begun reporting to their team camps in Arizona and Florida. In celebration of the fact that BASEBALL SEASON IS COMING, here are some old photos of our favorite pitchers and catchers in sunny places, including some with palm trees.

Top Top: Roy Halladay, Fantasy Baseball All-Star
Top Bottom: Cole Hamels, Walking Purposefully
Bottom Top: Fans in sports shorts watch Mo run
Bottom Bottom: CC's new diet

I heard that CC Sabathia's already lost 25 pounds and that he expects to lose 5-10 more during spring training. According to this photo, his new nutritionist is a giraffe. GO YANKEES.

Top: Joe Mauer reading Proust
Bottom: Happy Tigers

I'm not a very dedicated follower of the central teams, so perhaps you can tell me two things. Does Joe Mauer live in Minnesota during the off-season? And who is that jumping person?

Pitchers and catchers in California have a nice life, year-round. They also enjoy dressing their rookies as Alpine women.

Top top: Chad Billingsley: Dodgers Right-handed Pitcher
Top Bottom: Clayton Kershaw in a dress
Bottom Top: Buster Posey in a dress
Bottom Bottom: Sports Celebrities...they're just like us!

If that isn't a photo of Tim Lincecum stoned in the hotel hot tub, I'll buy and mail everyone ten boxes of conversation hearts each.

Championship Series Days 7 & 8: It's Only Half Bad, Los Angeles

NLCS MVP and nice guy, Ryan Howard

NLCS Game 4: Phillies Go the Distance
Phillies 10, Dodgers 4
Philadelphia wins series in 4
W: Durbin (1-0)
L: Padilla (0-1)

HR: LAD Ethier (1), Loney (2), Hudson (1)
PHI: Werth x 2 (3), Feliz (1), Victorino (1)

I was out last night with no cellphone reception at Sam (not Weber) and Jamie's super great CMJ showcase, so beyond the basic fact that the Dodgers are now done for the year, I really have no idea what happened in this game. The ESPN.com gallery is full of obnoxious photos of Jayson Werth (smoking cigars, taking champagne showers, hitting TWO HOME RUNS), which I refuse to post here. After our tumultuous Fantasy Baseball relationship, I am so sick of Jayson Werth and his streaky production and his horrible facial hair. This guy has been my life's main antagonist since some time this summer and the thought of having to see him play in the World Series makes me pray even harder for a Yankee sweep.

Here's a photo of Casey Blake and Clayton Kershaw looking bummed. They were on my Fantasy team, too, but in a non-emotionally abusive way.

See you next season, friends. Now about that other L.A. team....

While watching tonight's Yankees-Angels game, I did an informal text survey (of Kei and Sam [Weber]) to see if Lackey v. Burnett was the ugliest starting pitcher match up of the post-season, so far. Both of them said "maybe." I'd have to go back and review all of the past games to be certain, but it's kind of hard to argue against:

Sam did an about face on Lackey's doughy visage, which he had previously called "likable," and proclaimed A.J. Burnett better looking. This was doubly surprising, given Sam's earlier distaste for Burnett and his ostrich hair, but we're all allowed to change our minds. As Kei noted, A.J. doesn't look nearly as much like a strung-out meth fiend with his hat off.

ALCS Game 4: Yanks Leave the Door Open
Angels 7, Yankees 6
Yanks lead series 3-2
W: Jepsen (1-0)
L: Hughes (0-1)
S: Fuentes (1)

Some things I've noticed from watching this series on FOX:

1. Joe Girardi does not emote. Possibly evil.
2. Scott Boras is always on the phone. Definitely evil.
3. John Lackey sounds like an inarticulate muppet.
4. There is a new kind of CIALIS for daily use, as opposed to the regular 36-hour kind.
5. Torii Hunter is super funny.
6. Jeter has a cold.
7. The Black Jack taco is not something I want to eat.
8. Toyota is the official car of BOTH the Giants and the Jets...further to that, Eli Manning is way more charming than Mark Sanchez.
9. Ozzie Guillen is going to do commentary on the World Series.

This game was nuts. I don't want to recap it because I still can't wrap my head around the fact that we lost. Here's some photos.

A-Rod and Teix: Just Another Night of the Weird Twins Acting Weird

I told you Melky got evil. Smiling Cano less bratty than Tuesday.

I LOVE TORII HUNTER!

I'm actually not that upset about this series coming back to the Bronx. New York always feels better when the Yankees are in town. Jeter makes the sun shine brighter. It's going to be a long winter once he goes back down to Florida.

Game 6 will be on Saturday night. Go Yankees!

Day 2 Wrap-Up

Hey little boy with increasingly unappealing facial hair, please don't cry...

...THE DODGERS WON!!!!! CASEY BLAKE TAKES FOURTH BASE! GO FOR THE SWEEP!

NLDS GAME 2: DODGERS WALK OFF WINNERS!

Dodgers 3, Cardinals 2
W: Sherrill (1-0)
L: Franklin (0-1)

HR: STL Holliday (1), LAD Ethier (1)

Matt Kemp breaking bats; hugging walk-off RBI singler Mark Loretta

NLDS GAME 2: Rockies win. Whatever.

Rockies 5, Phillies 4

W: Cook (1-0)

L: Hamels (0-1)

S: Street (1)

HR: COL Torrealba (1), PHI Werth (1)

Stop playing each other. I can't stand looking at either of you.

ALDS GAME 1: RED SOX LOOOOOOOOSE!!!!!

Angels 5, Red Sox 0

W: Lackey (1-0)

L: Lester (0-1)

HR: LAA Hunter (1)

Top: SOX SHUT OUT! Bottom: Hunter Homers.

I'm feeling a bit schizo about this series, as I don't know who I'd rather have advance to the ALCS.  I like the Angels more as a team, but they're not that good at losing to the Yankees.  That said, Torii Hunter is such a star.  If we were still playing Fantasy Baseball this week, Ladies Love Us would be ON FIRE.  Oh well.

Dodgers Win!

Last night, the Dodgers finally snapped their losing-streak-magic-number-stalemate to beat the Rockies 5-0.  Here's a photo of blog favorite Clayton Kershaw throwing a glass bottle in the air.  Clayton, that's dangerous!  I don't think he was of legal drinking age last year when the Dodgers clinched the West, so he probably has a lot to learn about alcohol safety.

I couldn't find any photos of Casey Blake pouring beer all over his beard, but above please find photos of Matt Kemp, Juan Pierre and Andre Ethier.  Did you know that "Andre Ethier" is the most frequently searched phrase that leads to this blog?  Seriously. There's, like, two pages of "Andre Ethier [blah blah blah]" phrases on our Google Analytics page. I guess people just really love him.

YEAH, ME TOO!!!!!!  Congratulations, second favorite baseball team! I hope you don't get crushed in the first round!

IT'S ABOUT TIME

Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinally! Good work, Clayton! I know you didn't get the win, but I LOVE YOU ANYWAY.

Photos tomorrow.  Goodnight.

Pulse Check

Photos from around the Majors, Friday, August 14, 2009.

FORTUNES RISING: Robbie Cano flashing that bazillion dollar smile.


FORTUNES FALLING: Clayton Kershaw's facial hair just gets worse and worse.


FORTUNES FLAT-LINED: So scared of A-Rod, super loathe K-Rod. Can someone explain those Mets uniforms to me, please?



YOUR DAILY BREAK FROM THE YANKEES-DODGERS PHOTO DELUGE: Buddies!

I just got a Mariner's news update that states that Ichiro (171), Robbie Cano (148) and Derek Jeter (148) are the top three hit leaders in the American League. Looking good, hitting great.

Growing Up, Getting Old

"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow / Creeps in this petty pace from day to day..."

As always, time has continued to pass and things have continued to happen. Last week's All-Star game marked the season's midpoint and heightened awareness of our unrelenting march towards October ball. The Yankees got swept by the Angels, the Red Sox stepped ahead in the AL East standings, and 21-year-old Clayton Kershaw of the Dodgers announced his impending manhood by sprouting some sort of chinstrap beard:

Douchey facial hair is a baseball tradition, but, with one notable exception, I've managed to keep my fantasy team relatively well-groomed:

Lights-out closer and possible goat-man Ryan Franklin, of the Cards.
Click here for a video of him talking about that thing.

Despite lowering the average attractiveness rating for Ladies Love Us, Clayton has been the ace of my pitching staff this month: 37 innings pitched, 5 wins, 34 strikeouts, 0.73 ERA and 0.95 WHIP. Wait, let me say that again. THIRTY-SEVEN INNINGS PITCHED, 0.73 ERA. Remember his days of being wild on the mound? Sometimes growing up can be a good thing.

"...To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death."

Up in the Bronx, lefty reliever Phil Coke is celebrating his 27th birthday and the Bombers have just dusted off some ghosts for the annual Old-Timers day. "I can't remember being 27," lamented long-time Yankees radio announcer Suzyn Waldman. Me neither, Suzyn, me neither. Except for that one day last year when Mike Mussina got his 20th win of the season. That was emotional! Here he is waving to the crowd as an official Old-Timer:

I love you, Mike Mussina!

And here's a photo of some other old dude:

And finally, another member of the Yankee dynasty celebrated his 60th birthday yesterday:

Congratulations on being so old, Joe Torre. Please come back to New York!

A New Top Ten

Almost four months have passed since I posted my Top Five on this blog. Because my knowledge of baseball players has expanded exponentially since then, I figured my original opinions were worth revisiting. And so, on this rainy Friday, I'm pleased to present my updated Top Ten (because, really, five isn't enough to hold all that love).

10. Jacoby Ellsbury (Red Sox)

He's fast and fleet, like a small magical deer. Also, since hearing that his nickname is "Tacoby Bellsbury," I've been thinking about him at least once every other day. Let this forever silence Boston fans who claim I'm biased against their team. Sorry guys, but Tacoby aside, the Red Sox are undeniably, hideously unattractive.

9. Ian Kinsler (Rangers)

I'm a supporter of many male archetypes and Kinsler is the ultimate fratboy manchild.

8. Clayton Kershaw (Dodgers)

It saddens me to say it, but a Clayton Kershaw has opened an unhappy chasm in the otherwise peaceful co-existence of Maddie and Jenni. House divided! Maddie thinks that Clayton looks like a horse...or worse, "a person wearing half of one of those two-part horse costumes." How can anyone hate so hard on a 21-year-old Texas boy who throws a 96 mph fastball for the best team in the National League? He does NOT look like a horse!

7. Torii Hunter (Angels)

He has a good personality and his eyes are sparkly.

6. Matt Kemp (Dodgers)

I don't know why I like Matt Kemp so much, because you can tell by the way he swaggers and pouts that his baseball attitude could use some improvement. Also, check out the perma-smirk in these mugshots from Joe. What a jerk! Love it.

5. Ichiro Suzuki (Mariners)

He is getting so weirdly mystical and cosmic. Ichiro will lead us through 2012 and into the thousand years of golden peace that await thereafter.

4. Casey Blake (Dodgers)

The Dodgers should hire me to be Casey Blake's publicist. He's so average and ordinary, but I think he's awesome and I talk about him all the time.

3. Derek Jeter (Yankees)

Life captain forever. Thank you, Derek Jeter.

2. Grady Sizemore (Indians)

I can't remember the first time I saw Grady Sizemore play baseball, so let's call this one a classic case of unrequited love and tenth sight. I am even okay with the fact that his favorite band is The Doors.

1. Robinson Cano (Yankees)

This is a stupid photo of him, but it's the best I could find in the Getty Image archive (I wanted something from last year, when he wasn't so fat). In the early days of my baseball fandom, I decided that Robbie Cano was my favorite player and it just seems wrong to change that now. So, through slumps and streaks and despite his obvious weight gain, Robbie's still #1. Go Yankees!