This is How People Dress in Philadelphia

Before the hurricane blows away the internet, I'll leave you with these two photos of Cole Hamels modeling at Shane Victorino's fashion charity event. They're a way of saying "Life is funny...in bad ways, but in GOOD ways, too!"


I promise that I'll start blogging about other things next week, even if I have to hand draw my posts and mail them to you via pigeon express.

It's Saturday, so Naturally This is What I'm Doing....

In 2008, I wasn't really a baseball fan-- I only cared about the Yankees and had yet to manage my first fantasy baseball team. As follows, I may have missed the best moment of Cole Hamels's career: when he received a Camaro for winning the World Series MVP award.

"That's right. I do have a Camaro and I had to be an MVP to get
a better deal than at Jeff D'Ambrosio in Oxford."

Cole, please give us an update on your dead arm. Are you going to start this week or should I do something desperate, like pick up Bartolo Colon?

Peace? Two? Reverse Peace?

Yup.

Thome 600

Jim Thome hit his 599th and 600th home run last night. Of the eight players that have hit 600 home runs in their MLB careers, only Thome and A-Rod are still actively playing and only Thome is currently playing with a Major League team. Congratulations, Jim! I hear you're very nice.


This is a Jim Thome Upper Deck Rookie card with a "BUST" trophy on it. I wish I could say that it's related to Third Base or Bust, but alas, we have yet to publish our own series of baseball cards.
I don't get it-- how can a STAR ROOKIE also be BUST? Also, will Manny Ramirez emerge from his hideout on the moon to comment?

Work of Art: Derek Jeter

C.C. Sabathia and Jorge Posada commissioned a 225-pound sculpture to honor Derek Jeter's 3,000th hit and presented it to him before the Rays-Yankees game on Saturday afternoon. The sculpture was made at a foundry in Greenpoint/Williamsburg. I went there a few years ago to drop off a flat screen television.


Here is a recap of the ceremony from ESPN New York:

After giving his batting gloves and helmet to two executives from the Hall of Fame, Jeter and his family were feted with gifts from the Yankees organization.

"Any time you get recognized by the organization and your teammates it makes you feel good," Jeter said.

First, team president Randy Levine and COO Lonn Trost presented Jeter with a Waterford Crystal vase commemorating his 3,000th hit.

Hal Steinbrenner and his wife, Christina, then gave Jeter and his mother, Dot; father, Charles; and sister, Charlene; rings and pendants honoring the accomplishment.

Finally, Jeter's Yankees teammates presented him with a 225-pound sculpture, which captured Jeter with his helmet held high in the air in a salute to fans. It was commissioned by pitcher CC Sabathia and part-time DH and longtime teammate Jorge Posada.

Posada and Jeter joked about the statue after the ceremony.

"He said, 'Where am I going to put this?,'" Posada said. "I said, 'You've got plenty of room in that house.'"

Big house, empty walls...sounds like DJ could use an art adviser.

Two Bad Things Happened

Somehow, C.C. Sabathia and Cole Hamels managed to have their worst starts of the season at the same time. I was listening to one on the radio and watching the other on MLB.tv. I'm trying to have a nice, positive attitude about this, since it doesn't help anyone for me to get angry and/or depressed. Positivity-ly, let's also not dwell on what's happening to my Fantasy teams or the fact that I've irresponsibly decided to eat a box of candy right after brushing my teeth. Sometimes, bad things happen and you just have to wait for them to stop happening.

C.C. Sabathia gave up five solo home runs for the first time in his career-- to my least favorite team in baseball. This was a bad thing.

Meanwhile, Cole Hamels had to deal with this:

And this:

He struck Jayson Werth out with the bases loaded. That was a good thing.

But his velocity was down and he kept missing the strike zone. Those are bad things. After the game, he said he was dealing with a "dead arm phase." Cole, I think it's actually called "Mercury Retrograde," because I've got it too and it's not going away until September. If the Red Sox look like they're going to sweep the playoffs by then, I guess we can chalk it up to cosmic insanity.

Something Good Happened

I monitored the Yankees game at work by watching the numbers change on the Yahoo! Sports Fantasy Baseball StatTracker. Robbie Cano came up with the bases loaded and then a bunch of numbers changed. He'd hit a grand slam! That was a good thing that happened.

With the Yankees ahead of the Angels 6-2, Mariano entered the game in the ninth inning and promptly gave up a 3-run home run (to Russell Branyan, of all people). That was a bad thing that happened, but like I said yesterday, it didn't seem to matter. The Yankees still won and Mo still got a save. Is this just a passing series of bad things happening or is this the beginning of no good things happening? I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Something Bad is Happening + a Phil Collins Video

I can't watch baseball these days without feeling those old bad sports feelings of defeat, despair and the hopelessness of all and any life against death-inducing time. I don't know why. Things are okay. The Yankees can't beat the Red Sox, but that doesn't really matter. Mariano Rivera has lost two games in the last three days, but that doesn't really matter. Derek Jeter is passing into legend before our eyes, but that doesn't really matter. The Yankees could still win the World Series. They're not the Mets. Things could get worse, but they don't necessarily have to [this year]. And still, things aren't good right now. I just know that things aren't good.

This video doesn't logically relate to the way I feel, but it is still somehow the way that I feel:

It's saying: "I don't understand what's happening. I don't think it's anything good. At one point, things were fine. This is not that time."

Go, Fight, Win: A Photo Essay

The Phillies and Giants fought last night in San Francisco. You can and should watch the video, here. These photos feel like Norman Rockwell paintings to me:

Here's a trio of closeups on Chase Utley's eyeballs:

Brawler #1, Shane Victorino:

Roy Oswalt grinning:

Cliff Lee looking surprisingly noble:


A Where's Waldo series of Cole Hamels photos:

As you can see, the score was 8-2. What were the Giants trying to accomplish? Are they just mad because the Phillies are going to win the National League championship this year? And finally, where is Roy Halladay?

My Cole Hamels Photo Hobby is Getting Warped

What am I doing with the many, many photos I take of Cole Hamels on my iPhone? Working on an overly ambitious project that no one else will understand, of course.

KKKKKKKKKKKKKK's for C.C. and Other Fantasy News

I went to the Mariners-Yankees game last night and watched C.C. Sabathia strike out 14 batters. I also watched the grounds crew roll out their giant silver rain tarp twice.

C.C. was perfect through six. Then, Brendan Ryan singled in the seventh inning. You can see the bizarre mustache he's wearing in his scoreboard mugshot from across the stadium.

I was pretty sure it was a computer generated practical joke until I saw this photograph this morning:

So, the mustache is real hair. That doesn't mean it's not a joke. When I heard Ryan announced in the seventh inning, I yelled "Who is that? He's not even famous!" Did I jinx C.C.'s perfect game? We learned about this during our Greek Tragedy unit in high school. The Yankees still won, so I guess the universe wasn't that offended by my comment.

In other happy news, Doug Fister didn't get shelled. Three runs and five strikeouts in seven innings. He's also not bad looking. All three of these sentences are relevant to my Dynasty Keeper Fantasy Team, which has been clinging to an ever shrinking first place lead for a few weeks now (in points, not attractiveness).

Given the tenuousness of my position, I agreed to a major trade this weekend, sending Elvis Andrus to another Chelsea-based Fantasy Baseball team. I never really wanted Andrus, but got stuck with him when I overestimated his value during our draft. In fact, aside from B.J. Upton and Jonathan Papelbon, I can't think of many players that I like less. Good riddance, Elvis Andrus.

Luckily, I have this guy Derek Jeter at SS. He'll be worth the
$30+ I spent on him for the next ten years, right?

Here's who I got in return:

Aaron Hill from the Blue Jays

Houston Street from the Rockies

Heath Bell from the Padres (for now)

Heath Bell famously lost 25-pounds by playing Wii Fit in the off season. You can read more about that here and here.

People love using the internet to read about other people's hair.

Eric Hosmer has only been in the big leagues for 74 days, but he's already gone deep into the world of professional sports hairstyles. He reminds me of Ian Kinsler, who made my Top Ten back in 2009. I'm not sure if either Hosmer or Kinsler would make the list now (I'll make one soon, I promise), but I do really like how they both always seem to be in the middle of thinking up mean nicknames for their teammates.


Cole Hamels is back to getting flattened by the Mets and having facial stubble. I wonder if he gets too tired to shave or if he just likes trying new looks.

I don't have any other hair information, so here are two funny photos I found in the Yahoo! MLB Photo Gallery:

Top: Adam Jones, Nice Dive
Bottom: I love seeing things like this.

If these photos aren't satisfying to you, please continue to read about baseball mustaches, here.