My Miggy Moment

On Tuesday night, Mordecai and I attended the White Sox game. The promotion was a "Hawkisms" t-shirt to honor White Sox announcer Ken "Hawk" Harrelson. If you've never heard Hawk call a game, I suggest you tune in. His overt bias towards the White Sox is amusing, if not entirely endearing. This anti-Hawk site is actually really informative; it even has audio clips of the Hawkisms that are on the back of my new t-shirt. The Sox were also scheduled to play the Tigers, so Mordecai and I got tickets kind of spontaneously. Little did I know, not only would I get my awesome t-shirt, but I'd experience one of the greatest moments of my life. Read on!

I was anxious to get to U.S. Cellular Field early to secure our Hawkisms t-shirt (only 10,000 of them!). It had been raining all day, too, so I was afraid that the game would be postponed as well as the t-shirt giveaway. We were like, 20 boxes of Hawkism t-shirts away from not getting one. I saw Tigers fans using it to wipe their wet seats. Anyway, we got to the park around 5:30PM for a 7:10PM game. We were wandering around the 500 sections, upper deck, looking for food, when we remembered hearing about a new Wow Bao concession stand. Mordecai decided to ask Guest Relations since our memory kicked in right in front of their booth. They knew about Wow Bao and recommended Burger Barn as well, and they gave us an elevator pass to the field-level area. 

When we got down there, I noticed that no one was checking tickets for people who wanted to linger near the White Sox or Tigers dugouts. I remember Mordecai asking me if I wanted to go, and I said, "...nah, it's OK." But there weren't a lot of people, so I was like why not, and we trotted down to the front row seats. There were about ten other young boys dressed in navy and orange, waiting for Tigers players with baseballs, autograph books, and Sharpies in hand. No one was out in the field except for crew members pulling the tarp off of the field. But then I noticed a Jose Valverde-like person at the opposite end of the dugout, listening to music on earphones, all "in the zone." 

Then I saw catcher Alex Avila look out on the field briefly before going back into the dungeon.

Before I could start thinking about how long I'd have to stand around until someone from the Tigers hitting well below .200 or with an embarrassing ERA equivalent to my perceived or actual age would come around, my peripheral vision sensed movement from the White Sox dugout. It was none other than MIGUEL CABRERA. My most favorite baseball player was walking towards me (or his dugout) and he was smiling (or laughing at Valverde).

 

Once he saw us asking for autographs, he stopped smiling. But he diligently signed baseballs, autograph books, and my card. When I was in Japan recently, I carried his and Felix Hernandez's card with me in my purse every day for two weeks. I almost brought my 2010 Finest red refractor of Miggy to the game, which I recently got in the mail, but I made a last minute switch and brought one of my favorites, Miggy's 2008 Stadium Club base card. I have many Miggy relic cards (jersey swatches and morsels of bats), but I don't have any autographed cards. This is my first one!

Mordecai kept egging me on to say something. What does a mere commoner like myself say to THE LORD MIGGY? Especially an idiot commoner decked out in White Sox gear? (I had briefly contemplated stacking my White Sox and Tigers hats to the game. For Mordecai's sake, I decided against it.) I had nothing to say except that I was totally starstruck, shaking, and fearful. When you're in the presence of someone you admire so much that you don't even think to soil their presence with your own pathetic existence, you tremble. Tremble I did, but mixed with a kind of rare, pure elation.

I believe it was Ryan Raburn who had also emerged from somewhere by the time Miggy signed my card, and then they started walking into their dugout. Mordecai said Miggy didn't sign very much after my card. On the way down the stairs, they stopped and started pointing at Valverde, laughing and making jokes (above). Then they disappeared. We went to Burger Barn, decided against Wow Bao, and returned the elevator pass to Guest Relations.

I AM SO BLESSED.

THE FUTURE IS NOW

Washington D.C., here is the face of your baseball salvation:

Stephen Strasburg, 7 innings, 14 strikeouts, no walks, gets the win, gets pied, gets a funny founding father plastic wig.* Nationals, no! Don't burden him with vestiges of your/our country's tepid past. He is THE FUTURE. STEP FORWARD INTO THE LIGHT.

*Actually, this is an Elvis wig and some sort of Nationals dugout tradition. I didn't know this because I've never watched an entire Nationals game...especially not one where they won. Have you?

When They Were Young

Topps 2010 "When They Were Young" is my new favorite series of baseball cards. I'm not sure how the players were chosen, but it almost doesn't matter because all of them look so heart-meltingly adorable.

This card is by far the best of the lot. I love that Lil Papi is wearing tall socks and belted shorts. Not even baby Jeter looked that cool.

This is beyond baseball

On Wednesday evening, I took a nap, which I blame on the Filet-O-Fish value meal I had for dinner. When I sleep, I like to have my phone under my pillow, because one of the things that awakens me is checking my email and Twitter (#realtalk #dontjudgeme). I woke up after the Indians vs. Tigers game had ended, so first I saw tweets from @Official_Tigers about Armando Galarraga's outs: 12 up, 12 down; 15 up, 15 down; 21 up, 21 down; 24 up, 24 down. Then there was a fusillade of tweets from all kinds of sources about Galarraga's last out that should have been, and I knew I was missing something quite serious. I mean, first of all, of all the pitchers who might throw a perfect game, Galarraga?!?! (I should say this about Dallas Braden, but I will follow Jenni's lead and continue to overlook his perfect game on this blog.) I remember being more than annoyed that Galarraga was starting for the game I attended last year in Detroit. But I also remember that he didn't fail that night, that he got the win, that it was the best game I had ever been to, and that it rained the next day when ace Justin Verlander was starting, who I believe took a colossal loss. And second, the call was amazing, not so much because Galarraga didn't get a perfect game on the books that he was entitled to, but because it was followed by some fine human behavior in recent sports. No one says it better than Our National Poet, Ozzie Guillen:

We need to get the ugly flavor out of what happened last night, where everyone knew he was out, and then the umpire come out and said what he said. That part caused one of the ugliest parts of the game to be one of the best ones. I think what they did there was very classy, and I don't know why bad things happen to good people.

I think what Ozzie is trying to say here towards the end is that this is the kind of bullcookie that should happen to subhuman-but-unfortunately-an-MLB-umpire Joe West, who recently called Mark Buerhle on two balks in a game and ejected him for "throwing," or dropping, his glove. Ozzie was fined $7000 for talking trash about West that day when getting ejected, but I think Ozzie is more than happy to pay every penny of the fine. Anyway, this is the kind of behavior I'm more or less accustomed to in baseball.

Later that night, I watched a replay of the call on my At Bat app. I still have a hard time looking at those replays. The look on Miguel Cabrera's face with his hands and mitt over his head breaks my heart, because the corners of his lips are turned up, as if to say that the call is so crazy that it's funny, it must be a joke, hahaha, perfect game, Venezuela's awesome, hahaha. But Ozzie is right, it all turned into great sports feelings. The next day's events were worth a script for a movie that Steven Spielberg wishes he could executive produce: Joyce opted to umpire despite being offered the day off; Tigers manager Jim Leyland sent Galarraga to give Joyce the lineup card; Joyce cried; Galarraga got a congratulatory Corvette; Joyce called Rick Porcello's first pitch a strike. This all makes me feel better*. The call doesn't need to be reversed, by Bud Selig or political figures, because we all know that the game was perfect. Now, this is the time to wrap up my post with a line about the perfection of Galarraga and Joyce's behavior and how though there is no place for that kind of achievement in baseball's official records, there is in our hearts. But I will leave that kind of eighth grade honor roll writing to Jeff Passan. I just hope that from all of this, the image of Galarraga "grinning and patting" the roof of his new Corvette while Miggy "excitedly peers inside" is imprinted in your mind for the rest of your life as it is for me**.

*What did not make me feel better was Bud Selig's decision to not reverse the call, not because I think it should be reversed, but because as I read his statement, I was forced to recall Selig's long, unattractive horse face. 

**Thank you to TBOB reader Andrew who pointed out in the previous post that the New York Times wouldn't stop writing about this event. I read about this scene from this article.

Bye Junior

Ken Griffey Jr. has retired. Here's his official statement. Here's a newspaper article. He remains an active bench warmer for Ladies Love Us.

Memorial Madness

I'm going to adopt a loose definition of "Memorial Day Weekend," and rewind the blog back to Thursday night when I waited through a windy two-hour rain delay to see Cole Hamels pitch at CitiField. He lost. He wasn't that great, but the Phillies scoring ZERO runs over 27 innings didn't help much either.

C-Hamels looks kind of like the male "dating model" from the Amazing Race.

That same night, Kei's favorite baseball player hit three home runs and my favorite player hit a grand slam. Baseball Twins SPORTS FEELINGS!!!

Top: Lord Miggy collecting a low-five from Brennan Boesch;
Bottom: BEST SMILE IN BASEBALL

On Saturday afternoon, A-Rod almost killed Indians starting pitcher David Huff. Then, the Yankees/Joba Chamberlain blew a six-run lead to lose 11-13.

I'm exaggerating. David Huff is fine, not almost dead. Also, A-Rod said he felt bad.

Also on Saturday, Angel Kendry Morales hit a walk-off grand slam against the Mariners, then immediately broke his leg in the on-field celebration. The next night, Angel Howie Kendrick hit a walk-off home run against the Mariners. No injuries resulted.

Get better soon, Kendry!

As I mentioned, Derek Jeter celebrated his 15-year anniversary this weekend. Rookie Jeter looks like a baby ostrich. Present-day Jeter hit a double. I already told you about what Roy Halladay did on Saturday night. I spent three hours drawing nine pictures of Doc Halls this afternoon. They're all pretty weird.

Never treat your life like a used t-shirt and never, never, never give up.

I don't remember what happened on Sunday, other than that the Yankees won. Apparently, I also don't remember what happened on Friday.

On Monday, everyone wore white hats to pay tribute to American soldiers. All of the teams that wear white uniforms looked like milk men. Handsome Tiger Justin Verlander lost his game. Conversely, crazy Colorado Rockie Ubaldo Jiminez pitched a complete game shut-out against the Giants. His ERA is something inhuman like 0.970 right now.

Top: Okay, maybe more like an ice cream man?
Bottom: If I saw those eyes staring directly into mine, I'd strike out, too.

I'm currently watching the D-bag v. Dodger game and have a few pieces of trivia to report:

1. Casey Blake's beard is back and it's GRAY.
2. Manny Ramirez has never homered on his birthday. He has homered 8 times (counting tonight) on the day after his birthday. Happy 800th Birthday, Man Ram!
3. The Diamondbacks' first baseman owns a ranch and brands his cattle with the phrase "E3." ERROR ON THE FIRST BASEMAN. Does this scare anyone else?
4. Man, Vin Scully knows everything...college GPAs, player hobbies and nicknames, the body counts of every major war since the American Revolution...if you haven't watched him call a game, I highly recommend it.
   

That's all! Happy Memorial Day! Goodnight!

Travis Thechimp Mets Uniform

I take great pleasure in reading through the search terms that lead people to this blog. Sometimes, they make sense. Last month, for example, people arrived at Third Base or Bust by searching for "kinsler baby faced hamilton house bud lite" and "pictures of jose reyes crying." There were a lot of inquiries combining the words "cocaine" with "Darryl Strawberry" (thanks Paul) and "Montreal Expos" (thanks Matt). Many other people wanted to know if Scott and Grady Sizemore are brothers (THEY'RE NOT, OKAY? I WAS WRONG). And, of course, the steady stream of those seeking "Mark Teixeira weird face" photos continued.

After reading through all of these reasonable gateway words, I was thoroughly baffled by a phrase at the very end of the list: "travis thechimp mets uniform." Travis the chimp Mets uniform? It took me about ten minutes of futile memory scanning and 25 seconds of Google searching to remember the post I wrote about a Connecticut housechimp that had to be gunned down by local police after going berserk in February of 2009. I don't know if this is Travis, but for the one person in the universe who visited our blog hoping to find a photo of a chimp in a Mets uniform, your search is over:


To the person who wanted to find "third base or die blog," well, we're not quite ready to get that extreme. Check back next year. And to the person who long-ago searched for "the past is always with us," are you my Bergson-reading, life-fearing, yak-dragging, sports-loving psychic other? Or did you click on the search link and immediately wonder, "WTF, Derek Jeter??!?!"

The Long Halladay Weekend

Rebounding from last week's uncharacteristically short and mediocre start against the Boston Red Sox, Phillie ace Roy Halladay pitched a perfect game tonight against the Florida Marlins. It was the second perfect game of the year*, the second ever for the Phillie franchise, and the 20th in MLB history. As Kei aptly tweeted, "I'm sorry that Halladay pitched a perfect game in Florida but I'm sure all 40 people were excited to witness history." Haha. When your fan promotions are "Mermaid Swimsuit Calendars" and not Snoopy dolls or Andre Ethier action figures**, maybe it's time to take a serious look at the state of your organization's soul.

In related news, Roy Halladay also smiled for the first time in 33 years. Here's proof:

Jayson Werth's hair is unbelievable. Is it weird that I miss the exhilarating
hatred I felt towards him last year when he was my Fantasy nemesis?

I watched the game at home on MLB.tv while eating crackers and salad dressing. To keep my heart rate down, I read Tolstoy in between innings. Here are some serviceable screengrabs from the ninth:

Top: The Phillies' one run was UNEARNED.
Have you losers heard of RUN SUPPORT?
Middle: The smiling begins. Would the Marlins have more fans
if they improved their scoreboard graphics?
Bottom: Oh hey, it's Cole Hamels! I saw him on Thursday at Citi Field.
(No stars fell out of the sky. The universe remains mostly unchanged.)

If you'd like to read a recap of the game, MLB.com has this one and Tyler Kepner of the New York Times has this one. I can't wait for the Letterman Top Ten list. While I doubt that Doc will top Burls in the "adorableness" category, hearing him try (or not try) to appear interested in trying to be funny will be...STRANGE.

Today also marked Derek Jeter's 15 year anniversary of major league play. In his first game, he went 0-5 against the Mariners and then ate hamburgers at a Seattle McDonald's with his father. I thought about eating a McDonald's hamburger for dinner in his honor, but instead, like I said, I wound up eating crackers and salad dressing while watching Roy Halladay pitch a perfect game.

CONGRATULATIONS DOC! CONGRATULATIONS DEREK JETER! You're the only two players I've started in 100% of my fantasy baseball games and I love you both.

*I didn't blog about Dallas Braden's perfect game because I don't really care about him and he has an unattractive fantasy baseball mugshot. His Letterman Top Ten is suspiciously similar to Buehrle's. Come on. I could write better jokes than that.
**The Dodgers also have a series of decade themed poster promotions, including the Torre 60's, the Casey Blake 70's, the Matt Kemp 80's and the Andre Ethier 90's. In case you're wondering (like I did), Joe Torre was born in 1940, Casey Blake was born in 1973, Matt Kemp was born in 1984 and Andre Ethier was born in 1982.

If You Like Crying About Sports, You Will Like This Video

What's a Marcus Thames?

It's about half an hour after the end of tonight's epic Yankees-Red Sox game and "Papelbum" is the #3 local trending topic on Twitter. Why? Because he came into the ninth inning of a 7-9 game and gave up a 2-run home run to A-Rod. Then, he gave up a 2-out walk-off homer to Marcus Thames. WHAT'S A MARCUS THAMES? Kei, writing from Japan, was kind enough to inform me that Marcus Thames is a baseball player who used to work for the Tigers:

This is what Wikipedia has to say about Marcus Thames:

His nickname, "Slick", is the result of getting his hair cut too short when he was four years old.^[9]

What a strange way to get a nickname. Congratulations Yankees! See you again tomorrow! I hope Derek Jeter hits a grand slam.

Happy Birthday, Barry Zito!

"Zito is the poster child of how athletes get caught in long-term challenging planetary cycles.... Certain planetary alignments can create cycles of low physical vitality and low psychological energy, as well as feelings of discouragement, vulnerability and depression. This dark night of the soul for Zito will continue throughout the entire 2008 season." -Andrea Mallis, Sports Astrologer

Just as time heals all wounds, so does it move the celestial bodies that conspire for or against our individual and collaborative destinies. This will be an exciting and highly successful year for Tauruses working in the entertainment industry, with the second half of the year yielding even more rewards than the first. Capricorn provides a steadfast and responsible father figure for Taurus, resulting in a stable and prosperous pairing. With Jenni managing Barry Zito on her Grinnell College Fantasy Team, the two will enjoy 20+ wins, a rock solid ERA, and a golden trophy in 2010. The universe will take care of you. The universe is full of love. The universe put you together to be Fantasy Baseball Champions.

Remembrance of Things Past

Last year, during our blog's rookie season, Sam and I co-hosted a trip to a Staten Island Yankees game. We made t-shirts and ate a lot of hamburgers.


This year, we're upgrading to the big leagues (if it doesn't rain). I'm sorry that we didn't have time to invite you. After future podcast producer and longtime reader Phil wouldn't pick up his phone, we got discouraged and bought the e-tickets alone. White Sox-Yankees! Buehrle v. Hughes! This game was made for us!

I spent approximately 10 minutes this morning trying to rationally dissect my love for Burls and Hughes and decided that I like them for the same reason: they both look like they spend a lot of time thinking about dogs and Proust. Me too! Dogs and Proust and baseball. Why do dogs exist? Why do people read Proust? WHEN CAN I WATCH MORE BASEBALL? This blog post has put me behind schedule. Sam, wait for me at Union Square! Forever 21, second floor?

Loveable Loser

Mark Buerhle, along with stupid Chad Billingsley, you blew up my ERA in both of my Fantasy leagues this week. Because you are so adorable, though, I forgive you.


I'm going to use this face the next time I break the photocopier at work. Better yet, I'll get this photo printed on business cards to hand out or mail after committing social blunders. I'll also make a set for Phil so that he can formally apologize for all of the terrible things he did and said at dinner last Monday.

Mrs. Kemp

I feel obligated to report that Rihanna has officially stated that she is dating Matt Kemp. She was in the stands yesterday at the Dodgers game, and I couldn't help but admire her baseball-cheering style in these photos. She looks so cool!!!

I thought maybe she was trying to keep a low profile. I wonder if that's an Alyssa Milano hoodie; for some reason, I kind of hope not. And while that looks like some simple white t-shirt, I'll bet you the price tag has three digits. Or maybe it's a Hanes tshirt that just looks really awesome because it's Rihanna and that's the way it is. Anyway, I love all her accessories.

She doesn't look like she cares about low profiles here. This must be when Kemp hit a home run.

I love her makeup! Though I don't really have the proper eyelids to showcase eyeshadow or liner like RiRi, I thought about doing this for other teams, but then I realized the White Sox don't really have colors. Maybe I can throw some green in for Southpaw.

The last image is by Getty. I couldn't find a watermark-free version so I had to take a screengrab from the British MTV's site. I seriously considered BUYING the photo from Getty's website, but the pricing was complicated and when I tried to navigate it, they said they were gonna charge $164 or something. Ha! Please, this is the Internet.

Today We Remembered the Things We Went Crazy About Last Year

A-Rod, so evil, so well moisturized. Those diamonds really bring out the green in your eyes, Alex.


You're probably really tired of me telling you who won the World Series last year. It wasn't the Angels. Matsui got traded this winter.


Of course Derek Jeter hit a home run on Yankee Stadium Opening Day! Here's a photo of him hitting a single.


Guess who else hit a home run this afternoon? Beardless Casey Blake! Maybe it's time to reset the counter. Or should we just start this year at 18 and go up from there? THE PAST IS ALWAYS WITH US.

Please, please, please, for the love of Iowa, cover that chin. Joe Torre, is this your doing?

More Opening Day Memories

Jenni's Opening Day Memories were quite inspiring, so I thought I'd share some of my own through photos I've saved from Yahoo's photo gallery. These photos are not related to the actual playing of baseball. To be honest, I'm kind of overwhelmed by the start of baseball and managing four fantasy leagues (two of which are daily), so my thoughts are quite disorganized and more incoherent than usual. It appears that I'm also coming down with a bug of sorts, which may have added to the frenzy. Jenni and I are twins, after all--though I have yet to take black capsule pills to get better. Anyway, here are my favorite images from Opening Day and some rambling commentary.

Pedro looks so happy.

I don't know much about this tradition of singing Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline" at sporting events, but I do know that Puck sang it to Rachel on "Glee." I was incredibly pleased to hear Diamond singing it live at the game during the radio broadcast of the Yankees vs. Red Sox game.

I like the use of quotes on the guy's sweatshirt.

LOS METS! It's telling that the guy's hand is totally obscuring Jose Reyes. Let's hope he has a good, healthy return tomorrow. Los Mets can't be competing for second-to-last place against the Nationals. That's just too sad.

Are those CRUSTACEANS on the grill? What?

I don't like the Cubs, but damn, I felt really sorry for them when Jason Heyward did the MASHY on Zambrano. Jenni sent me this good article about Heyward. When the Braves come to Wrigley, I'll be sure to hide the car by going somewhere on the south side. Lawrence's Fisheries, anyone?

The caption for this photo read something like, "A band performs at the Kansas City Royals game." A BAND.

Here are the Royals dancers. I wish the girls in the front would be a little more coordinated.

Yeah BOSS DALEY! Who runs the best city in the world? A White Sox fan.

Best mascot ever. This image fills me with hope--not for the White Sox, not for baseball, but for humanity. THIS IS BEYOND BASEBALL.

Bonus image from MLB.TV: a nice view of Chone Figgin's head.

Bonus images (or penalty images, depending on your disposition towards the Marlins) for the Marlins' home opener (I realize there are many home openers that were not on Opening Day, but in my being overwhelmed, and in Yahoo not having photographic records of all home openers, this is what I have so far):

MERMAIDS!

Jenni also had sent me this article about Hanely Ramirez's necklace. There were no images of the necklace itself, so I was very glad to see this picture. I appreciate the photographer using the flash so we can all get a glimpse of the teal diamond as a decimal point.

This is really a penalty image; sorry. Creed's singer, Scott Something, sang the national anthem at the Marlins' home opener tonight. Do I need to say that the Dodgers beat the Marlins, 7-3? The Fish are doomed ￣︿￣

More rambling reports form my frazzled but excited brain to come!

A's Fans

I love these kids. Somehow they seem so American. I want to help them acquire Kurt Suzuki cards and autos and chauffeur them to and from A's games in a Honda Odyssey.